The 2019 A to Z Challenge . . . Letter X

X

Well if there is one letter of the alphabet my slightly weird theme is perfect for it is X. Yes everyone has heard of Plan X and I bet many of you have at some point in your life embarked on your own Plan X, I know I have several times.

Of course the most important aspect of Plan X is that it’s a secret and a pretty big one at that or it would not be called Plan X. In other words the one thing I cannot do here is actually tell you all what Plan X is. Well it is a secret, but again I can refer you to Wikipedia or a general search of Goggle for a random selection of Plan X’s. Remember though any Plan X that turns up on the internet telling folk what Plan X is, is not a good Plan X.

I can say, that one important point to remember with my own Plan X is you need to remember to Duck or you will have a sore head  

Over the years I have created many cardboard arty things

This is one of them made as a Wedding Present 

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The Xecotcovach Bird

Someone will be thinking Hang On where have I heard of that before

  

The City of Towers Lighthouse and a Man's Quest to Create Art

The City of Towers Lighthouse

Yesterday I mentioned that I made the City of Towers, they are in fact table numbers and now have the names of all those coming to the Valentines Lunch in the village hall tomorrow upon their roofs . But the thing is sometimes the mind can see an opportunity to expand on a little idea and so today I made the City of Towers Lighthouse. I had no real reason to do so other than that little inner drive that artist folk have to create come what may. My main problem is unlike many I do not have much in the way of finance or resources to do this (Its OK I do have a chilled and comfortable life), so almost all my arty stuff needs to cost as near as damn it nothing to produce, so cardboard and a tube of glue are rather good arty things for me to create with. Sadly not only does this cost little more than my time to produce, but folk will not buy such art, so I remain quietly starving in my artists garret. . . . Only it’s a fairly nice bungalow on the edge of a rather nice little village. This makes it even worse as a middle class artist who is not starving has no street cred what so ever, and I have no plans to die which always works wonders for artists saleability.

Still what can I do I am what I am, and so will continue doing my bit in my own way despite my simple but moderately comfortable middle class-ish lifestyle.  It’s a funny old word is all I can say.

The City of Towers

    

Artificial Intelligence and the Flaws in the Development of the Modern Robot

OOOoooooo how time flies which is plainly a silly saying because in reality it does not, although if it does then science has a lot of catching up to do. But of course all I mean is it only seems like yesterday when I was thinking, now what will I write tomorrow (OK that was yesterday). Actually I think that everyday because if there is one certainty in my diary it is that I really don’t know what I am going to write until I start typing and I am a terrible typist. 

I may have mentioned I got a rather nice book to draw in that had a chirpy friendly looking robot on the cover and so I thought I must draw some robots. Well as it happens I think we might just see a bit of a robot trend this year (one of my predictions for the year) because artificial intelligence is improving all the time. The thing is I for one am a little worried. . . No not that we are about to be attacked by our own robots or ones from outer space, although both options would make great diary entries for the future. . . No what worries me is what these robots will look like.

Lets just consider the history of robots from the point of view of image there was a time in the early days when they looked like men wearing cardboard boxes held together with tape, string and glue, with the workings of a grandfather clock and Professor Frankenstein’s left over’s.  But then in the fifties and sixties there were some good looking robots made and drawn. Then the technology started to catch up with man's desire to make a walking talking robot, but of course man has always wanted to make robots look just like us. So today robots just look a bit boring. I am not implying you all look boring. Even I look a bit boring even though today I was told I really need to do  something with my hair because it looked as mad as a mad march hare riding a unicycle on a trampoline being attacked by bees . . . Yes I was rather pleased, but I don’t think that was the desired response.

Think of it as the difference between the modern train and the old classic steam trains from the past, which one looks cool and which one looks just a bit dull. Now some will argue that the new one is efficient, quiet and comfortable but it  is all plastic and no style. And this is what is happening to the world of Robots. And if they do turn round and attack us it will be because we have turned them into boring faceless cheap but efficient imitations of mankind. Well if I was a robot that would annoy me a lot, I would want to look like one of those cool robots from the past and I would be asking us humans why I don’t and I would expect a damn good answer or else.  

To me it seems rather ironic that we could end up with super efficient robots that look like us because if there is one thing humans are not it is efficient (I am not even slightly efficient). So we could end up with robots that resent looking like humans and who are rather more efficient at being human but without all the rude and sweaty bits.

And why am I writing this today, because I drew my first robot in my new book. . . . . . . .    

         

The Nativity Scene, The Religious Relic and IKEA

Sorry it is not a great picture but it is a dark spot 

Now as some of you will know I am not a religious chap and so you will be looking at my pictures and saying WHAT? And quite right too, but as you also know (I think) I did make a nativity scene for Christmas this year. Not for any religious reason it was more a case of making homemade things such as the paper chains and the like, folk don’t make enough homemade things, it’s all batteries and iPhones.  Anyway today I made a box for the nativity scene to go in and I thought MMMMmmmmmmmm what sort of box does a nativity scene go in, so I have made one in the form of a religious relic so that in 10,000 years time it will become a religious relic. OK it is made from the box one of the IKEA draws arrived in, so inside it says IKEA which might ruin its potential as a religious relic. Luckily there is an old saying that goes . . . God moves in a mysterious way. . . . Well I think we can all say that is something of an understatement so who can tell and there are some well dodgy religious relics about in the world already.  

Now a few of you know that I also sometimes turn up in the world of twitter and I am sure I let that nice Kirsty Allsopp  know of my homemade Nativity Scene. But as I have found over the last couple of years if I turn up and tweet at a celeb or the like in cyberspace they seem to vanish faster than a seagull stealing a chip butty from a small child on a beach in South Wales. . . Now that is fast those Welsh seagulls are dangerous beasts.  OK back to the point if there is one. Well those celebs will in ten thousand years time regret not spending more time reading my tweets when my religious relic turns up in the Vatican proving that once God or Rob Z Tobor or both must have visited IKEA. . . . . . . . .     

The Theory of Nothing and its use in avoiding Zombies, Cardboard Art and three potatoes

I am here again today even though I have almost entirely done nothing, yes Ok I cant actually entirely do nothing partly because the human body has to do something or it would fall over dead and in doing so mean it has done something although it would find it hard to write about in afterwards. And in science the concept of nothing is rather difficult because even an empty space entirely emptied of air and any loose atoms floating about is still an empty space and so has substance (although not a lot).

It may be useful to know that if you are trapped into a corner by Zombies which quite frankly should not happen, they are after all a little slow and not the brightest sparks in the bicycle shed. Yes another old saying from the days of bicycles, rather popular also in China in the late seventies for reasons plainly obvious to a historian of world bicycles. AH DAMN distracted again………

Anyway as I was saying if you are trapped in a corner by Zombies don’t panic firmly tell them to SIT and then explain that as homework they need to tell you all about nothing and how the universe started from a point of nothing so small that it’s tiny. This is a hard thing for a Zombie to understand and while they ponder this and look at one another in a slight panic hoping one of the others might stick their hand up to answer you calmly walk away and tell them they must write nothing one hundred times until it sinks in and they get the point (that’s the tiny point that started all the problems involved with the start of the universe).

OK  yes MMMMmmmmmm today; as I said I did not do a lot but I did buy cheese, eat a bacon butty and posted a letter, carried three large potatoes and did not look at the fish. I then drank tea, ate some cheese in a roll, drank some more tea and looked out the window, the last time I did that the Sparrow Hawk ate a Robin so it was a bit of a worry although this time it was OK (not for the Robin).

I then when to the hospital that Mr M was in because he got very friendly with a Mr P and I said I would go and see Mr P again to make sure he was OK, which he is. Mr P went home for a day this week for a trial run, but although his house is looking good the council have managed to ensure he has no hot water so it is being fixed and he hopes to go home at the end of next week all being well.

I then returned home and have done a tiny bit of cardboard arty stuff for the grand master plan, a plan that consists of almost entirely nothing………….

The Demise of the Zombie and Faulty Small Birds

I did my good deed today I put my head down into the sewage system to work out what was going on as I said I would in my moment of rashness yesterday. My first thought was that an enterprising Zombie may have been trying to sneak through some of the outer perimeter Zombie defence systems, but not everyone in the village is convinced that Zombies even exist. Something of a shock really as tiny rural villages in the hills are really the last place Zombies have to lurk about and scare folk, once they are doomed to disbelieve here then their end is nigh. Well I guess that would save me a lot of digging, but all the same . . . .

Of course I blame modern film making techniques with all their fancy computer generated graphics where they are so keen to make it  look real (plastic) that it ruins a good Zombie or Vampire. It maybe OK for that Luke Spywalker and all his infinity and beyond but the scariest monsters in the movies are the old ones using real stuff and a bit of mud and gore. Anyway it’s the thin edge of the wedge because once folk don’t believe in Zombies, Vampires and banshees, the next step is fairies, elves and Santa and garden gnomes consigned to the skip.

AH yes I got distracted it appears the sewer system may be suffering from an inadequate fall in pipe work as far as I can tell, but then I only go down them to search for Zombies and look what has happened to them.

I also attempted to continue making small birds but I was trying something slightly new and it did not entirely work as planned.  Yet another shock, I know I have never tried this idea before but as the greatest maker of cardboard sculpture in the world the discovery that a new idea does not work first time is a serious blow to my street credibility and therefore it is best I do not tell you about it or photograph a faulty small bird . . . . . . . .AH DAMN.

A traditional Sunday in a funny sort of way

Today has been a funny day, when I say funny I do not mean in a light up revolving bow tie sort of way with amusing fish and small mechanical boxes that chuckle and giggle at anything and everything particularly if it involves an amusing fish. NO I refer to funny as in sort of odd but not odd say like a three headed goose singing close harmony acapella church music to the tune of Smoke on the Water, I simply refer to it being a funny day as in the old saying meaning it has been a funny sort of day.  I think I should leave trying to explain this and get to the point.

After a chilled sort of start to the day, it was (is) Sunday after all; I decided to do a bit of Cardboard Arty stuff as I have things to finish as part of The Monty Cardboard Robot Clubs expansion plans into the giddy heights of artist elitism. We plan to make up complex arty stories to confuse the punters and then charge them loads of money. . . . .  Mr F had to head off along the twisty roads towards home, although I must admit after the first twenty miles he was on motorways most of the way and they are not really twisty.

Then Mr Bruce and Miss C called by to see us, we have not seen them in ages, so we had a long chat before we had to run off to see Mr M in his new Hospital. He appears much happier in his new hospital, I got to play with the controls to his all singing and dancing bed, all sing and dancing is another silly saying because things like beds seldom do either let alone both at the same time.

So that was my day , I have noticed that Sundays are starting to get like the old Sundays talked about by folk who remember the old days when Sundays were really low key and you would spend the afternoon watching an old black and white cowboy film starring Gary Cooper or if you were really desperate Rin Tin Tin.

OOOOoooooo hang on what’s that you say Skippy; Rin Tin Tin fell down the old mine shaft and was eaten by aliens . . . . . . . . . . HAH HAH HAH AH HAH Ahah hah ahah hah ah ha hah ah aah h ahahah hahah ah ah ahahahhah aha h aha ha haha ha ha ha . . . . . 

Sand Circles. Aliens and a Wet Sunday Afternoon

Having been away on a secret mission at the coast for a week in Pembrokeshire where it was warm and sunny, yes that is a bit of a shock but luckily I managed to make Whalesimus the Micro God of Sunny beaches and holiday homes and his trusty Horse of the Sea. However he is not the Micro God of Home and so it is raining today somewhat, more that somewhat really.  I did say I would tell of some of my adventures and as today is cold and damp and I am doing very little in the tradition of a cold damp autumn Sunday, now is a good time to start.  I am sure you will be interested to know that there was much communication with aliens using the old classic Sand Circles method as favoured by many of the less aggressive aliens. Sadly Mr Jones was unable to visit us, but he did send the Ghost Writer down to help interpret messages and supply us with a suitable pointy stick to reply.

I also at one point had to save a dog fish from a rather aggressive seagull, I should point out all seagulls are aggressive even the friendly ones (this was not a friendly seagull). The poor old dog fish was stranded on the beach, I suspect left there by a dog who was annoyed by a fish pretending to be a dog. So the dog was sort of saying OK then Mr Clever lets see you do walkies, which the dog fish failed at rather badly allowing a mad seagull to attempt to eat it alive, not a nice thing to do.  So I returned the dog fish to a deep rock pool where it appeared to recover a bit although I will never know for sure if the dog fish managed to recover and make its way back to the safety of the sea (the world is full of such unknowns)…

I also met a talking telescope which demanded money or it was not going to tell us a thing, I told it that was extortion and I refused to pay him so he just sat there pretending to ignore us. Talking telescopes it appears are unsociable beasts who spend most of their time looking blankly out to sea in a grump.

Right well for now that is about it as I may go and attempt to shrug off the grey cloak of a damp autumn Sunday far from the nearest IKEA.  I will show you conclusive prove of aliens breeding on the beaches of Britain in the next few days, it was a bit of a shock to me too but the camera can not lie.

The rather quick Robot Post

One small step for man, One giant leap for Cardboard Robots........



AH yes . . . . . . . . I am off out tonight for a curry so all a bit of a rush . . . . . Sorry

I may return later.........

We have returned from our curry in Monty with Mr Charlie and Miss Jane, we all had our usual, we are rather predictable about our curries. I have been eating almost the same curry when I go out for a meal for nearly a million years, which is a long time, although back then they did do a rather good Pterodactyl starter which was very popular. In fact maybe a bit too popular, but it was a great party when we finally ate the last one . . .  How we laughed.

Tonight we discussed Spam not the internet annoyance that plagues the internet with instant make things bigger, make bits vanish or make loads of money doing nothing except blink at a frog once an hour on Sundays. No we talked about Spam the pork based tin of meat we all love or hate and how people either love or hate it. We then talked about family history and other stuff before finally arriving at a discussion about my diary and how it is now much longer and rather more interesting than War and Peace. However Mr Charlie and Miss Jane do not read my diary. So it has been decided I would make a friend request on FB to Mr Charlie after he drew the short straw, he drew it on his napkin like Picasso used to do when he went to restaurants. Sadly the waiter refused to accept the drawing as payment for the meal despite the fact we explained Picasso did it all the time (while he was alive, he no longer does this).

Mr Charlie is a bit of a mechanical whizz chap with many interesting and useful skills so I have explained that my diary is full of very useful information like there are no trees on the moon apparently. Dad and me are still working on a solution to this for our commercial moon flights. In the short term we are selling one way tickets since they are remarkably popular at present for trips to Mars.

Anyway I think in anticipation of Mr Charlie arriving in a blasé of glory I must say  . . . . . . Hello Mr Charlie;  Ooooooo I cant type by the way or spell so sometimes things make no sense.