Harry Houdini, Harry Potter and a question. . . Is JK Rowling an Alien

It is clear that folk do like a bit of escapism, not as in Harry Houdini the escapologist but as in Harry Potter and his ordeal with the forces of evil.  I mean if you think the big two films of the moment appear to be Star Wars and Star Trek and there is much excitement at the short taster of Strange Beasts and where to find them . . . the next almost Harry Potter film. I say almost because I don’t think he is in it, it is not like the Hitchcock films where he sneaks in as a bit part and maybe says Expelium acrowfly at a passing crow turning it into a cheesecake. (WHAT?)

Anyway the point I am getting too in my long winded way (a cunning plan to make my diary look dead interesting) is that magic and sci-fi, aliens and ghosties and other strange beasts have a massive following among the masses in their various formats. And the reason for this is the desire we all have to think there is more to life the universe and stuff than just poking at wasp’s nests with a pointy stick and smiling at cats. In case you are worried there may not be, its OK there is; I know for certain but it’s too long a story to explain why.  But as I say folk need interesting tales and have done for thousands of years, and this sort of led me to a thought, one that those of you of a strong religious belief in any particular faith may disapprove of. I will not be religion specific because different faiths have different beliefs and different holy books.

And here we are getting to the point of all this; could it be that books like the bible are in fact the ancient equivalent of Star Wars or Harry Potter. . . . OK I can see that at least one person is not happy, but it could be there are loads of dodgy holy books that have caused all sorts of issues over time because of mankind’s desire to belief in alien’s magic and strange beasts and the like. And they all do that good fighting evil stuff, I mean who is the most likely chap to see a strange light (or alien Spacecraft) to follow in the sky . . . a shepherd. . .  

And if Aliens beasts and Magic were in the mind of man a few thousand years ago man needs to ask why, could it be that aliens arrived thousands of years earlier and have assimilated themselves into the very fabric of mankind. Is it possible that I am the last real human. . . . . Look I know I’m a human because aliens would not type as badly as I do and come up with preposterously loony ideas that are not only very plausible but probably right. Maybe all the Magic and monsters are red herrings so to speak (If you don’t understand what a red herring is and think it’s a fish then you are an alien for sure), or maybe these are skills from those early aliens which are now lost. 

You see one thing I have discovered is that if you tell it like it is, as I do in my blog then no one will read it. This can only be because there is a conspiracy by alien wizards and space bears to suppress the truth as told my me. . . . .  it would also explain the popularity of Star Wars and Harry Potter. I know it means JK Rowling might be an alien, she does have very high hedges around her garden that could hide a spacecraft and I have never been invited to visit. 

So if you are an alien and would like to explain what your plans are then I suggest that you. . . . . . . . . . Take Me to Your Leader. . . .

And I know the Royal Family are all aliens with their secret hand signs as they pretend to wave at the public. 

Global Warming, Chaos theory and the Mask from Spectre

The World is a strange and complex place as we all know with its many conflicts that lead to fighting wars and death. And every now and again I will stick my pointy stick into the debate and make a few comments. Of course these comments do not make a difference, well none that are perceivably visible to the masses. Although as I have said many times one of the more interesting aspects of Chaos theory, (which as we all know is the butterfly in the Welsh valleys that flaps its wings, which in turn leads to a terrible storm in Antarctica.) is that my small blog might just lead to world peace. . . . . . Yes OK that is mad but the point is everything is interlinked in such a way that I could say that it is just possible that my actions could in the end effect your actions.  

The reason I mention this tonight is because I was a little amused to read that the vast majority of people today are less worried by climate change than they were in 2009. OK that sort of thing happens but apparently one of the reasons is to do with the world economics. It appears that folk are concerned that spending huge sums of money on reducing green house gasses could make the world economy even slower and we will all be worse off.

Well this might be true, but it is also true that at some point global warming regardless of the cause will make the planet more and more difficult to live as we do. It seems that most folk would rather have a good time now and not worry too much about the long term future. It is not a surprise as it is this logic that make folk take out huge loans with terrible interest rates in order to have the good times now. And its not just individuals entire countries will overspend in order to maintain a lifestyle we all think we deserve.  And despite Mr Osborne our Chancellor of the Exchequer saying he is trying to balance the books, it was his lot that messed things up in the eighties and set the present mindset in the minds of the masses.  

So you see what the future holds according to Science is extremes of weather, which here in the UK will mean droughts followed by flooding and terrible storms and no one will have and money just a posh phone and a big television.  But it will mean they will be able to watch the extreme weather on their TV and then tweet about it.

I’m sure I had something important to mention but I can’t remember what it was now DAMN. I really need a new brain.

OOOOoooo I started working on that mask I said I would make. It is apparently the skull mask from that spectre film with James Bond . . . It is a bit trickier than it appears to be. Well it is when you have a budget of 53p to make it; I suspect the budget for the original one was rather more. . . .But I like a bit of a challenge. It is a cunning design to get right but I have it sussed now

I must do a bit of Christmas shopping too as well as make a few Christmas things. . . Busy busy busy.          

Men with Guns, Paddington Bear, and the Most Powerful Hand Torch in the World.

After chilling and watching Paddington Bear the movie last night, which friends had lent us to watch, I was rather annoyingly forced into action by men with guns.  This is what happens in the country all the time and by that I don’t mean folk are watching Paddington Bear all the time. It was not quite what I was expecting and even now I am not entirely sure if I thought it was a good film or not. Yes there were some witty lines, but there does seem to be a trend at present that films need slightly improbable action and stuff or they are not good. OK a bear turning up in not that probable. but that is not what I mean, I refer to folk leaping about fighting and showing more than a hint distinctly aggressive behaviour. I suspect the new Mad Max film will still lack any genuine plot and intellectual stimulation. And for a post apocalyptic world with dwindling resources and no one doing anything productive they do seem to waste a lot of energy on fighting . . . You would think they might learn from the fact it is a post apocalyptic world.

Anyway back to the point having watched the film I became aware that men with guns were about in the dark outside by the noise of a high velocity rifle being fired very close to the house. They are noisy things and have a very different sound to that of the farmers favourite, the 12 bore.  When I went out to investigate it was plainly clear that there were men out lamping along the track by the woods. They were using large spot lamps on top of a 4X4 to light up the woods so they could shoot at things. It does annoy me, but this is the country, folk do stuff like this a lot. Anyway I went and grabbed a large powerful torch and found a strategic point to turn my own spot lamp back on them. I think it confused them a bit; folk out lamping don’t normally get the lamp turned back on themselves. Luckily they did not shot me . . . . PHEW and headed off round the other side of the woods, I did not pursue them I was on foot and only had a torch. They were a small group in a 4X4 and had guns, you I suspect would have done a similar thing.

It was just like the Mad Max Film (I refer to the old one, I will not bother with the new one myself) only with Paddington Bear, and I had to defend myself with a the most Powerful Hand Torch in the world in a clearing near the Eastwood.       

Part two of Hogwarts v Jurassic World. . . . . Professor Frankenzompire gets angry.

Link to Part One 

As Harry Potter, Hermione and a motley collection of wizard students from Hogwarts emerge from behind the large fibreglass Ichthyopterygia, Professor Franklin F F Frankenzompire strides towards them. His long floor length black leather coat, designer wrap round mirror finish sunglasses and huge scary machine gun make the young wizards a little nervous as they hide behind Harry. Only Lily Luna saying WOW DAD can I have one of those guns that’s awesome.

No I don’t think so says Harry

AH Harry Potter . . .  I believe one of your students has accidently got mixed up in one of my experiments and has turned a bit Tyrannosaurus Rex said Professor Franklin F F Frankenzompire.

Indeed he is standing over there with that large White Rabbit, Alice from Wonderland and Master Higgs the son of Professor Brian Dumblecox . . . . . Have you come to turn him back into Harrison Ford-Cortina the popular wizard student from gryffindor.

O NO and with that he raises his large scary machine gun and fires a long burst at Harrison Ford-Cortina. NO SORRY BUT HE HAS TO DIE.

But in a blur of slow motion the Large White rabbit leaps in front of the slightly modified Wizard Student and picks the bullets out of the air and then has a close look at them before dropping them on the ground. Well as you can imagine Professor Frankenzompire is not entirely happy and pulls an old black twisted wand from inside his coat and shouts a terrible spell as a huge fiery thunderbolt envelopes the space where the White Rabbit and the others had been standing. But they have vanished and only a rather strange smiling Cheshire cat is there now, and as it fades it says. . . . . . . . .

Beware the Jabberwockysarus My friend . . . . . . . . . .

Beware the what? shouts Professor Frankenzompire at Harry Potter.

Harry replying . . . It is always best to run when that cat turns up and then vanishes again saying weird stuff like that . . . and with that Harry, Hermione and the other wizard student’s head off sharp-ish towards a now empty burger café near the main performance pool. . . Young Lily Luna saying Can I have Fries with my stegosaurus dad and onion rings . . . .  I like this Jurassic World its WELL COOL. . .  

Professor Franklin F F Frankenzompire is very very angry now but as he watches Harry Potter and the other run off he feels the ground shaking and the sound of something Huge snarling and hissing behind him . . . . .. . . . It is the Jabberwockysarus . . . . What manner of beast is this he says to himself as he raises his large scary machine gun up to its well armoured head. Only to find the bullets bounce off the body of the huge beast who barely notices the professor unloading the entire guns magazine of bullets into him.

TO BE CONTINUED

Link to Part Three

Steven Spielberg, Jurassic World and certain investment concerns about dinosaurs

As my few but loyal followers will know I have been cooking up brilliant ideas for the very nice Steven Spielberg now for about four years and in that time have thought of hundreds of them. Some of them probably even good ones, yes the law of averages states that I Rob Z Tobor is capable of thinking of good ideas, a bit like all those monkeys writing Shakespeare in the infinite voids of infinity.  So am I annoyed that the nice Mr Spielberg is doing a sneaky and churning out yet another dinosaur film, this time called Jurassic World well the answer is . . . . . . . . a bit.

And in order to understand just how improbable this film is it is important to go back to the beginning when some bright spark comes up with the idea of Jurassic World in the first place. So let us reflect on a man as he walks with purpose along the busy streets of Gotham City clutching his neat leather executive case heading towards the Gotham City Central Bank.

Hey hello Professor shouts a voice in the crowd as Professor Frankenstein busily pushes his way through the throng into the huge marble hall way of the Central Bank, its magnificent classical columns twinkling with the light of the halls chandeliers.

O hello Clark I am a bit late for an appointment at present so will see you later, I could have a great story for the paper. With that he waves and heads off towards the manager’s office, it is not good to be late when you want to borrow several million Dollars.

Professor Frankenstein you are on the dot please come straight in it is always good to see you. Says the banks Manager

Ah Thank you . . . you are very kind

Please take a seat and tell me how I can help you, although I have to warn you banking has changed in the last few years it is not like it was back in the good old days.

Yes I have a new plan. One greater than any of my previous plans and one that will make us all very very rich it’s a brilliant plan if I say so myself. But I will need to borrow several million dollars.

Well as I have said Banking is not what it was, but we are always keen to support good ideas tell me all about it.

Yes I want to build a world full of living dinosaurs and breed them in captivity it will attract millions of visitors and scientists from all over the world. . . . I thought I would call it Jurassic World.

AH . . . . Well Professor it sounds a bit like Jurassic Park to me and we know what happened with that and more than once I may add.

Yes OK it didn’t entirely work out as planned but this time it will be dead exciting . . . no pun intended. . . and entirely safe. . . . . Sort of.

You said that last time Professor and you told me that they would be small dinosaurs not huge things

Well they were smallish . . . . they just had big claws

Indeed and just how big will these dinosaurs be this time.

Welll mmmmmm maybe 70 to 90 feet long or so but with smaller claws.

Look I’m sorry Professor but the bank can’t afford to invest in more monsters we are not thought of well at present and your track record is a bit dodgy to say the least. I mean what happened to that chap you made with the bolt through his neck. And we invested in that King Kong which turned out to be a bad move, as did that bloke Indiana Jones and his Pyramid Scam. And if anyone mentions the creature from the black lagoon again I will hit them.

So it sounds like you are saying No

O what the hell we will give it a go what can really go wrong. . . . Sooner or later someone will get the hang of these dinosaurs, they cant all be super intelligent killing machines. I mean just how realistic is that,  After all even that nice Steven Spielberg would not be foolish enough  to make yet another of those films would he.

AH DAMN funny you should say that

THE END. . . . . . . . . . .   

(The day of the Triffids) or Harry Potter Returns from the Dead . . . . . Part Four

Previously Part 3

Arriving at the quayside below the towering towers of Hogwarts Academy it was clear that it had suffered over the years and was in need of some repair. As they walked towards the building a voice in the distance behind them shouted

Har Har Har Make sure you have that book of your handy Master Higgs YOU'LL be needing it quite soon, raise the top sail me hearties it be time to plunder ye black swan HA HAH AH A HA HAH AH ha hhar har

What did he say Said Young Higgs

You will need your book said Alice In fact I think we need it right now. What on earth are those terrible walking plant things at the end of the Quay

I will look in the book of Fantastic Beasts and where to find them, that will tell us. . . . . . . . . . .AH that’s a bit of a nuisance

What is said Alice

I have accidently picked up the wrong book this is the Idiots guide to conservatory and greenhouse plants. . . DAMN

You are an Idiot Higgs what are we going to do now

Hang on funnily enough those beasts are in the book that is a stroke of luck . . . they are Triffids and the book says they hate salt and not suitable for most domestic greenhouses.

Where are we going to get salt from then?

Well as it so happens said Mr Teedy-dum and Mr Tweedy-dee we have loads, we use in our chicken pies and we always have ingredients to hand just in case a chicken should pass by. . . . or a Dodo.

The battle raged for what seemed like ages as the small band defended the end of the quay from the multitude of Triffids using the salt which they threw at the Triffids as they advanced.  The White rabbit however decided they tasted rather delicious and set about eating as many as possible and with the aid of his trusty and rather large flick knife destroyed most of them single handed. As the last two or three Triffids ran off into the Magic forest they climbed the long staircase up to the main door which very slowly and noisily opens up as they get closer.

Well Chaps this is it we have reached our destination said Young Higgs . . . Who is that over there

It looks like Professor Rubeus Hagrid said Alice.

As they walk across to see him and ask questions they can hear him mumbling and talking to himself

Knit one PURL one where has that seagull gone now, silly bird I have told him not to eat potions in the spells room. OOoooooo hello who are you lot then have you seen a seagull I am training him to be a wizard.

No we have come to restore Harry Potter back to life said Young Higgs,

AAAhhhhh I know that name Harry . . . yes he had Ginger hair and a big beard 

No

No was he the one with the limp and the mad look

No he was the grumpy one who kept getting into trouble and pretended to be all innocent.

AH yes I know you mean Harry Potter. He’s Dead you will not find him round here, His wand is in the Long Hall. You know the place where the incident with the cat and the glass jug happened.

Yes look I have the cat and the glass jug here. Said Young Higgs

AAAAAuuuuuuuuuuugghhhHHHH I better be off I’ll see you later.

With that Hagrid ran off unaware that a large seagull was standing on his head and the group led by Young Higgs headed towards the long hall. Where our story will reach its dramatic conclusion

TO BE CONTINUED

Will Harry Potter live?

Will Alice and Hermione Granger get on?

Will Hogwarts return to the days of glory?

Will someone be eaten by the Jabberwocky?

Who is the mysterious man in the cupboard?

Will I be sued by JK Rowling for slightly nicking characters?

Will Steven Spielberg ever read this blog?

Will my typing improve?

What will be the next Big Question that needs answering?

Will I go to IKEA Tomorrow?

These and many other questions will probably not get answered in the last and gripping instalment of  . . . . Harry Potter Returns from the Dead . . . . coming to a cinema near you soon.

Maybe not today. Maybe Not tomorrow but AH DAMN . . . . . .Probably Never. . . but KEEP WATCHING THE SKIES.

NEXT the Grand Finale ALL IS REVEALED 

Sir Richard Attenborough. The Creature from the Black Lagoon and the Loss of a Library

Sadly Sir Richard Attenborough died yesterday just before his ninety first birthday and although sad one has to say 91 is not a bad age to get too. He was rather famous but I can’t help but think that some folk are going to get him confused, because folk are not always as well informed about stuff as they should be. In order to alleviate this possible error I would just like to say I was really impressed when he did that documentary where he got to sit with all those Gorillas in the Jurassic Park out in Borneo or the like. He even once taught a Phoenix to fly, how cool is that.

And who could forget his directing in the film Gandalf, where the peaceful wizard leads his people to freedom despite the terrible ways of the Imperialists led by the terrible Darth Vader or was it Queen Victoria?

But my own personal favourite was his appearance as the Creature from the Black Lagoon in The Great Escape, Just for a short time I thought he had the German guards fooled too.

In other news the office is not the office (thats at home not work) any longer what was the library is now the office and we no longer have a library.  And what was the office is now an empty room with some stuff in it that has not been moved yet.

Ooooo and I have been playing drums to scare the grey and rain away, it might work who can tell.  

Diaries and other words

So about this so called diary that you have not been writing lately, I can hear you all think. What sort of feeble excuse are you planning to palm us all off with this time with your rubbish pictures and so called paradoxes.  Which looking from our point of view just looked like an excuse not to write anything?

Well I can tell you are not happy since I have stopped writing reams of total rubbish that makes little sense I have noticed that the page views on the blog have plummeted like the Great Mechanical Zombie Bird itself. There I was boasting to the cats that the blog was just a tad fewer than 10,000 pageviews for the month of July and at the present rate it will be back down to a couple of thousand at best in August.  Of course I did mention my concern about the fact I would no longer be covering major world sporting events as my Football  World Cup coverage was very popular (particularly with folk who don't like sport).

Anyway back to the point excuses, I have been busy and I think I have reached that point where I am suffering from writer's block again. I have a feeling this is because I have written loads, 560,000 words not including comments and drawn loads of pictures. In fact last nights picture drawn last night was a right old game and I was far from happy with the result so I am worried I have Artists block now as well. Even the poetry was a bit iffy and bad nonsense poetry is normally dead easy.

So I need a plan something to revamp things in a good way but not an exhausting gosh this is hard work sort of way, something that will make people think Oooooo this is an interesting diary this chap should get that very nice Steven Spielberg to turn this into a film.  Luckily I do think I have a plan one that I hope people will approve of, one which will keep the basic structure of my diary intact so I don’t lose my loyal followers (you know who you are).

So what is this plan I hear you now thinking in a slightly excited way. . . . . . .Well I thought I might introduce more Zombies, Aliens,  Mechanical things, Goats, ferrets, Lemmings, Pointy Sticks and ice cream and do some drawings………

WHAT DID YOU SAY

What you are fed up with    Zombies, Aliens, Mechanical things, Goats, ferrets, Lemmings, Pointy Sticks and ice cream and rubbish drawings done with a ballpoint pen. . . . . . . . .

AH DAMN. . . .

What about a nude alien hunter and a Grumpy Ghost Writer.

O God you lot are hard to please, OK I will add some science and stuff from time to time if you insist and maybe some real news. . . . . . But that’s it. 

P is for Possible Profits from a Preposterous Prehistoric Predator and the Godzilla Appreciation Society

It is just possible that folk may be under the illusion that I may know many things as I often sneak many quirky references into my mad little tales as part of my diary, I’m sure most of you spot them as they are not that obscure (OK they can be). Although just lately as a diary, my diary has become rubbish.  But you see in reality things that folk may think of as everyday knowledge pass me by and I know nothing of them, or I might have but I forget them as my short term memory is very very short indeed, about 8 seconds, much like that of a goldfish.

So this morning while listening to Radio Four and the Today program, one of the BBC top news and discussion shows, I was rather taken back by the news of the public release in the Britain of Godzilla. They even played a tiny clip and then all sniggered.  Some of you if you heard it will ask yourself WHY SNIGGER, well that is dead easy they are all members of the Godzilla Appreciation Society and as you know I have had my little run ins with them in the past with their preposterous  prehistoric Predator made of rubber and breathing fire at folk. So they are having a little go at me . . . ROB Z TOBOR

I am sure there must be a conspiracy going on, its bad enough to have Harry Potter shouting at me all smugly that he is worth a mint and saying he has made loads of films from his block buster best selling books and they have even built a rather popular Harry Potter world and saying . . . . . . HA HA HA YA SUCKS BOOO TO YOU. But to add insult to injury I now have the Godzilla Appreciation Society adding their voice and shouting HA HA HA YA SUCKS BOOO  at me now. I am sure the timing is on purpose as only yesterday I was telling the tale of the Aardvarkasaurus Wrecks, a dinosaur which is far more plausible than a huge fire breathing beast that is not even original. I mean if you are going to make films about a huge monster at least pick an original one not on old cult Japanese one.  What we need is originality, say a bit like this blog not the same old rubbish that has made loads of money before that is dead easy to do.

I am going to boycott this film and watch the old 1950’s original instead which is actually rather bad as they were not that good at special effects back then and so a man in a rubber suit got to be not only Godzilla, but also The Creature from the Black Lagoon and an Alien in one of good old Professor Quatermass’s films (now he was good). . . . . .

Anyway I am off to sulk now and to make matters worse I have no drawing to use tonight and so will have to think of something quick . . . . . . . . . . .  I keep writing all these great plots and what happens I get beaten to stardom by a stupid huge lizard there is no justice; that thing in reality would physically be unable to junction.  . . Not like an Aardvarkasaurus, that is a practical beast that Charles Darwin himself would be proud of.

Where is that nice Steven Spielberg when you need him? 

Computers, Hat Stands and Chaos Theory

The Ghost Writer has been in his grey office today looking at three new computers, he does not really like new computers because he is old and confused, slow and full of dents which means he has a natural affinity with old computers as they too are generally confused, slow and full of dents. He has also noticed that the company that he buys all the computers from have a habit of phoning him up and being all chirpy saying they will help. Now you might think that is very helpful and kind, but it is apparently rather irritating to log onto a site only to have a nice man phone you up fifteen seconds later, smiling (the Ghost Writer is assuming he is smiling) and offering to help.  It is like going into a large shop full of exciting and interesting stuff only to have someone sneak up behind you before you have even had a chance to look at the first thing rubbing his hands and saying OOOOOooooo yes sir this is a lovely Victorian Lemur hat stand and then saying things like Well yes sir the lemur is a BIT MOTH eaten but it’s eyes do follow you round the room….  As it happens a hat stand that has eyes that follow you round a room is not a strong selling point, nor is, I suspect is a group of Manky Stuffed Juggling Lemurs with a lingering look suggesting they may wish to hold your hat . . . .(or return to the jungle)

As many of you know the School Mascot is The Goat, which enjoys nothing more that being catapulted into the out of town supermarket for a bit of a run about in the fresh veggies before it escapes one way or another and returns to school well fed and perky after an exciting trip out.  However over the last couple of years many of you have been sceptical that a goat once catapulted in through the skylight of a huge supermarket could evade capture, escape and return back to the school without arousing suspicion. Well while listening to the wireless this morning I heard an article that stated Goats have been found to be far more intelligent that first thought. This I feel shows the world of Knowledge, Wisdom and Science that it needs to buck its ideas up pronto and read my blog more, the sooner the nice Mr Steven Spielberg makes the block buster movie the better for mankind is what I would say, well I would if it was not for the fact I am rather a modest genius who likes to keep his light under a bushel (I know it’s the English language, it is full of silly sayings).

I have also discovered that introducing a large lizard as a random element while working on the mathematics of Chaos Theories in the maths class causes chaos. The mathematics teacher did say that as a practical example of how The Chaos Theory works it was extremely good, but as an aid to a theoretic discussion of the mathematical principles involved in Chaos Theory it was rubbish, and a large group of screaming girls has fused his hearing aid.    

Stargazing Live, Professor Brian Cox, Dara O Briain and the classic film The Day of the Triffids..

Today has been one of those rare days that we seldom see at present it has been sunny and not windy although there is still plenty of water about in fields and on the roads and other places where water would normally not be on mass. I have armed everyone I can with pointy sticks to protect us from the possible invasion by the Toad People from the Planet Todimimiun 3. It may well be that tonight will be stage one of their attack using the cunning tactics of the intelligent intergalactic reptile mind, you see they plan to use distraction to start with followed by an idea they have picked up from the classic old 1962 film . . . . .  The Day of the Jackal  . . . hang on that’s not right I mean the classic old 1962 film. . . . . The Day of the Triffids.   You see tonight is the third and last night of Stargazing Live where Professor Brian Cox and his sidekick  Dara O Briain  who we know are in cahoots with the Toad People from the Planet Todimimiun 3 because of the Brian connection to  Aliens; (if you are confused you really need to read yesterdays diary entry) even Briain is almost Brian so enough said me thinks………

You see on stargazing live there was much talk of the aurora borealis being rather spectacular tonight and possibly visible from the UK about midnight.  If you all remember it was the lights that made everyone blind in . . . The Day of the Triffids after which they were eaten by the Triffids.

All this is far too much of a coincidence and it should be remembered that Toads and Aliens much prefer to attack their prey at night. So my advice is if you see the aurora borealis (due as I said sometime around midnight) then you are likely to be attacked and eaten by the Toad People of Todimimiun 3, but they are all called Brian so confuse them first by shouting something like look out Brian. SIR Patrick Moore is behind you then stab at them with your pointy stick or hit them with your telescope if all else fails.  And remember to wear dark sunglasses if you do see the aurora borealis, or the Toad People will get you for sure.

Oooooo yes talking of the foreshore I have a feeling that Toads like the Triffids do not like salt water so make sure if the alien invasion gets underway to watch the film The Day of the Triffids, the 1962 one not one of the rubbish remakes that will only confuse you; and keep a pointy stick handy. . . . .

OK chaps it is every man for himself so Tally Ho and the best of luck, if all goes to plan we will be eating toad pie for the rest of the year. . . . . . . . . YUM . . . . . no hang on YUCK . . . 

Star Wars, Teeth, Heaven, and Mr M

Today is a quiet day, well sort of quiet, we have been in to see Mr M and he is still battling away with gritted teeth, well they have removed his teeth which I suspect he is not entirely happy with.  If you think about it over the last couple of thousand years or so it is quite common for folk to loose their teeth. And I don’t mean as in put them down on the seat in the bus and then the next thing you know is eating a Gingernut in Marks and Sparks and thinking DAMN.  Yes OK that is also surprisingly common too, but I am referring to the real teeth sort of going bad and falling out or even pulled out.

Then the thought occurred to me that assuming we all go off to some sort of heaven somewhere and most religions have a heaven of some sort somewhere, which will turn out to be the same one for everyone, but with a lot of entrances no doubt with escalators bringing folk up from all over the place. A bit like supermarkets who also have escalators getting you up into them but then make you walk down a load of stairs to get out again, although I am not certain that heaven will have stairs because a lot of folk are fairly elderly and frail.  Hang on I got distracted from the point, I was saying about teeth and the point I was going to make is a rather large number of folk arriving in heaven will have no teeth. Since this is a rather spiritual place I suspect there are no dentists so I am now left with the vision of a host (or is it multitude) of angels looking down on folk with no teeth spending eternity eating soft food. Or like the person who left their teeth on the bus by mistake having to dunk their Gingernuts in their mug of tea, I rather like dunking Gingernuts in my tea even if I do still have teeth. 

We hope to go in and visit Mr M later although I better not tell him that angels probably don’t have any teeth so don’t tell them any jokes and make them laugh.  And like yesterday my drawings are getting even more unrelated to events, maybe I am in two different dimensions at present and the me in the other dimension is communicating using pictures in the same ways as tables sometimes knock once for yes and twice for no………

Ooooo how come everyone wants to be in the new Star Wars 7 or what ever, and are forming huge queues, when it is plainly clear that what they need is an eccentric child of cyberspace….

May the Norse be with you  . . . .. . . . .see its easy . . . .AH DAMN. 

The Return of the Curse of Harry Potter, Fantastic Beasts and Steven Spielberg and me

I noticed on the news last night that both Twitter and the Post Office seem to have decided to sell shares on the stock market, it somewhat amused me because it is a bit of a clash of technologies and philosophy. But I guess at the end of the day folk will rush out and buy which ever shares they think are the most likely to make loads of money, which in my humble opinion is neither . . . .  I guess that is not what they want to hear, but you would be far better investing in a rather strange film about a young slightly eccentric chap.

Which brings me to more shock news . . . . . . I also heard (rather ironically on Twitter) that there are plans to make a Harry Potter spin off film called something like Fantastic Beasts. I was in shock at first, I thought I had seen the last of Mr Harry Potter and His Wizard ways, sniggering at my humble steam powered spell machine. Just because if vibrated off the shelf and created its own hole in the floor to fall through before smashing to bits 15 floors lower when the boiler cooled down due to the air rushing past it as it fell. Him and all his Robsanidiotiosum Hahahaexplodious Excelentamusediam, Luckily it appears he will not be in the new film (O DEAR . . . . . . .HHAH HAHAH Hah hah ah hah ahha hhah ha ha ha ha hah ha ), poor old Harry. However,  I feel I have some good beasts right here in my own blog, what with Micro Gods and critters like the Dark Creature of the Undergrowth, The Banshees and the Lemmings of Petrograd.

If the nice Steven Spielberg had started making Rob Z Tobor the movie when I suggested we would have loads of beasts that are even better.  Still what can I say this is the way of the world for us simple ordinary folk living in the hills of the English Welsh borders, I bet I would not have this problem in Hollywood or Skegness…..

Fantastic Beasts and Where To Find Them  . . . . ..  Really, I think the answer is OVER HERE . . . . .. . . . . Mum said I am an IDIOT

Anyway I have told all the pupils in School to keep an eye out (no it’s purely a silly saying I have not told them to remove their eye, this is not Hogwarts) for folk on broom sticks, and if they do see any to test their Zombie Defence Skills with their pointy Sticks. Talking of which I can say that they are rather effective on Media Studies teachers, although it turns out the Media Studies teacher is not a Zombie. This was finally proved by Esmeralda after some vigorous interrogation which Sir Alec Guinness in Tinker Tailor Teacher Spy would be proud of which is rather ironic bearing in mind it’s the Media Studies teacher.

Ooooooo The Monty Cardboard Robot Club have started to make a rocket……..WELL COOL.

And it rained today….

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The Space Ferret, The Paddle Steamer and the Pirates of the Caribbean . . . . HAR HAR HAR

So what exciting events happened today I hear you type, well I sort of did things that I have done before really, starting with a bit of Zombie defence maintenance, it is after all important to be vigilant or they will sneak in; and before you can say Boris Karloff they are stabbing at your head with a knife and fork demanding dinner. OK yes quite a lot of them prefer spoons because lets face it the right hand, left hand, mouth coordination of a Zombie is famously RUBBISH.

After this I had a small bonfire to try and get rid of a pile of bits still lingering about from when the men with chainsaws removed the trees that were starting to get tangled up in the power lines that run over the corner of the garden. It was not really the best bonfire I have had but such is the way of bonfires, but at least all the stuff that was on it burnt even if there is still rather a large pile of more bits to burn in the future.

I then decided that after the events of yesterday where the man in the moon was eaten by a space gecko I needed to make escape plans in case the beast turns up here. So I tested the Steam Powered Steam Paddle Steamer in the pond. It was raining a bit at the time so an excellent test of the conditions I will have to face when being pursued by a space gecko, and it also gave me the opportunity to do a quick re-enactment of  Pirates of the Caribbean again . . . . .HAR HAR HAR

Shiver me timbers

Sail the Main Brace.

Lash them to the seagull and make em talk about planks? ….. (sorry Walk the Plank)

Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum

Roast the parrot on the gibbered

More power Scotty there be a storm brewin HAR HAR

We'll have no Rhett Butler’s on this here paddle steamer, feed him to the sharks

It be gold HAR HAR

Run for your lives it’s a Space Ferret (sorry Gecko) HAR HAR HAR

Battle stations Dive Dive Dive . . . . . . . .NO hang on that’s not right

AH mum has said IDIOT.

The Office, The African Queen and Sky Treasure

The Ghost Writer was in his office today, it was extremely hot as it has been everywhere now for a while. He was also on his own dismantling the network as everyone has now moved out and for a few weeks he will get to play in a large office all alone so he can pretend to be the boss and have extra tea breaks.

However the heat got to him and in a desperate attempt to cool down and avoid the sun he decided to dress and move about as folk might do in a hot environment, based on his knowledge of hot environments, which is old films like The African Queen.  So I think it was no surprise that when he did eventually venture downstairs to the other office where other folk were working, wearing his improvised outfit, he was set upon by several passing policemen. As it happens the police station is just up the road (or down the road I still am not sure about protocol for up and down roads), anyway once he explained he was an IT Guru hunting a RAM and was the Ghost Writer of Rob Z Tobor they let him go and they wished him luck or was it said he was MAD.

As for me I was looking for sky treasure where X marked the spot HAR HAR HAR  . . . . . . . . . Sadly I was let down by the lack of convenient transportation to go up, so the treasure got away . . . . . . . .DAMN  

    

The New Slightly Enhanced LIEBSTER AWARD. . . . Not my diary, sorry about that....

Today, earlier on I got an award as those regulars know I am terrible with awards, just wait until you hear the Oscar acceptance speech when I get the Oscar for best script when that nice Steven Spielberg makes the movie of the diary.  He will hide under his seat shouting IDIOT for sure . . . . .  But he will not really mean it . …… . the wee rascal…

Anyway this award; it is one I have had in the past a couple of times and I always forget to say thanks, so today I have gone out my way to remember (I do have a rubbish memory)…. So I have been given the rather well known and sort after LIEBSTER AWARD from K. Nowinsky  at What Shall We Blog About Today? You are very kind. But I have noticed that this award can change quite a lot and I thought it needed sort of jazzing up a bit, so I have sort of redrawn it and used a small amount of artistic licence to give it the so called VA VA Voom or what ever it is that sounds like that, which I am told is WELL COOL.

So in a tradition that goes back some way I would like to pass the new look LIEBSTER AWARD on to the following folk for being jolly good chaps and chapettes. And my favourite blogs. . . . 

MR ESB … … … … . A man of Knowledge and wise words from Texas

Mr H ………… . . …… Another man of science (and caravans) and a lover of Custard Creams and the night sky

Miss Lily . . . . . .........A lady living in the heart of London who has a son bent on world Domination

Master Lil man . ..  .. .A young chap bent on world domination

Mr Addman . . . ... . . A man with a terrible like of the evil Jammie Dodger, but hay no one is perfect.

Miss Laura  . . . . . .. . A writer with a dream, who is chasing her dream.

And last but not least

Penny the Dog, superstar and modest Internet sensation.

Do with this award what you will throw it in the bin, hang it on the wall or sell it to your friends the choice is yours.  

The New Slightly Enhanced LIEBSTER AWARD