Gardens and Motivations . . . . and the thoughts of the Jabberwocky

With the kitchen Diner fast reaching a point of completion and the prospect of a sunny weekend, I was sent into the garden to do battle with the ever impregnable vastness of it. Phew it has grown somewhat in the last month or so since I last took some serious notice of it. So it was a good opportunity to test the newly refurbished Steam Powered Strimmer, a device with a history of great fickleness and the ability to sulk for days on end. But today it was in a chirpy mood indeed and we set off in perfect harmony into the lush greenness of what was once called a Lawn.

Now I was not really so keen on this at the start of the day but was talked round with the prospect of something exciting for our evening meal such as slow roasted Japanese Godzilladom with crispy fried Welsh Dragon Scales and Wizards Balls. . . . NO NO not those balls, this is a child friendly blog you lot, but truffles and Saffron covered in the gold leaf and crushed fairy wings and sprinkled with the unknown thoughts of the Jabberwocky and a bit of maple syrup. Followed by Ice Cream covered in fresh Double Cream and Walnuts and a bit of Strawberry Crumble.  It’s one of those recipes from that book . . . Fantastic Feasts and How to Eat Them . . .  Written by that well known author  . . . . . . . . . . Ah . . . . thingy. . .  what’s their name?  Apparently it has been rewritten and all those recipes for wizards like roast or barbecued beasts and dragons have been removed as it was making small children cry. So the new book has no recipes and its name has been changed a bit, and have you ever tried to buy fresh eye of newt and wing of bat in Sainsbury’s, its not easy.

Anyway I have cut the grass at the front today and if all goes well will set too on the jungle round the back of the house tomorrow. . . . . AH yes that meal, well due to certain issues and not actually having any Welsh Dragon Scales at present we had Pizza, and the cat ate the fairy, I warned them not to flap those wings near the cat.  Still it was a rather tasty Bat Wing Pizza with a bit of spiced Jabberwocky so I was quite happy.

I am well knackered though so will go and chill for a while.

AH the cat has been sick . . . . . . YUCK.       

The plight of Mermaids, Monsters and Mythical Beasts

The World is a place where things change there is little if anything anyone can do to stop it. Sometimes it is for the better and often it is not and most of the time it is impossible to tell if it is for the better or worse.  One of the sadness’s that gets little if any thought is that of the plight of Mermaids, Monsters and Mythical Beasts, O yes I can see a slight look of puzzlement on the faces of many as they dwell on what I am saying. You see many many many years ago such things had a real place in the minds of man, they were real and existed even if they were seldom seen.

When they were seen they were generally blamed for all sorts of stuff they did not do. Folk do stuff like that, blaming mythical beasts is to put it bluntly an easy way out of trouble.  I’m sure we would all happily shout . . . . The Mermaid did it. . . when someone is demanding to know who ate their ice cream.  Of course what happened is science turned up and along with rational thought putting an end to many of the beasts of the past as anatomically impossible or some such reason? Without . . . I will add the slightest morsel of remorse for destroying the deep held believes of many generations.

The thing is us humans need our Mermaids, Monsters and Mythical Beasts and so we are forced to find them in the wilder places of the world and ensure that they have some sort of scientific plausibility. Critters such as Big Foot, Yeti, The Loch Ness Monster as well as many other beasts, particularly of the deep sea and lakes.  But I can’t help but think the day will come when we finally kill them of as well.  And the strange world of unknown large and even small mythical beasts will be no more.

These things are in our DNA they need to be real, I mean just ask yourself why do folk like films like Jurassic World or King Kong or Godzilla its not just simple entertainment it is more deep rooted. Only the problem is it is no longer possible to see them as a real possibility of a world that might just still exist in a small corner of Planet Earth. . . . Like in the film The Lost World, a world that is now lost for good.

The world would be a better place if the possibility of Mermaids was distinctly a real possibility. 

The Pithlyiffion one of Naturer's Fantastic Beasts

The Pithlyiffion is a strange and wondrous beast indeed, one of the truly Fantastic beasts of history and one not to be trifled with (yes its one of those odd British sayings again) and one not to be put in a trifle either.  And its rather bizarre attributes were summed up in a poem by the great Samuel Taylor Coleridge that went as follows

Beware the Pithlyiffion, the strange and wondrous beast

Sitting high up in the Forrest trees

With its poisonous and deadly lick

And although it resembles some ancient mythical bird

It has a rather strange defensive trick

It falls to ground wrapped in its wings

Like a rather large house brick

Of course as you might expect of poems from the founder of the Romantic Movement, the poem goes on for at least half an hour and involves all sorts of things from seagulls and sailors to dancing with Victorian women in clearings in the woodland.  But the key points about the Pithlyiffion are well covered by this short extract.  You see the Pithlyiffion has a very poisonous lick indeed and although in general people recover, should you be unfortunate to be licked on a scratch or open wound then death is a distinct possibility. Some say that Coleridge had a pet Pithlyiffion and that it was to blame for his untimely death.

And as the poem says, despite the fact it has wings and does look like a bird its wings were made of an almost indestructible membrane which it would indeed wrap round its own body. In this way nothing could hurt it. It had no real enemies in nature, except the usual one mankind, who discovered that by boiling the beast for several hours it became an incredibly useful paste that could be used to seal the boilers of steam engines. What was unknown was that the Pithlyiffion only bred once every ten years and lived for almost two hundred years. So by 1873 with the loss of its breeding habitat in the wild the last Pithlyiffion died.  Unlike the Dodo which lent itself to being stuffed and displayed in a glass case, a popular Victorian pastime the Pithlyiffion once it died would turn to fine dust which would blow away in even the slightest of breezes. A fact that led to it becoming a creature of legend rather than fact. There are some who say the dust from the body of a dead  Pithlyiffion has substantial magic powers and that many of the legends of magic from mans history are the result of this, but we will probably never know for sure.  All we can say is that it must have been a truly fantastic Beast.       

(Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them) or Harry Potter Returns from the Dead. . . . PART ONE

After the terrible death of Harry Potter and all the young wizards on Halloween and the subsequent closure of Hogwarts and its brief commercial success as a theme park it vanished from the minds of men and quietly became a ruin.  No one ventured to it as there was talk of terrible beasts and monsters that roamed it's corridors their footsteps echoing through the building.  It was a bad time to be a wizard and those few who survived those terrible events of Halloween were forced into the everyday world of muggles, something they hated, but as the old saying goes . . . . . needs must. . . . . (I know old sayings are silly we just don't know what the needs must do, but it’s a saying).

One such wizard was a Professor Brian Dumblecox who had managed to make a successful career in the sciences of us muggles and became a bit of a celebrity turning everyday objects into stuff that just confused folk using what he called Quantum Mechanics.  We all know he really meant Wizards Magic we are not stupid are we?.

One day Professor Brian Dumblecox’s young son called Higgs was rummaging about in a strange old bookshop only accessible by walking between the walls of M&S and W H Smiths when he came across a book called, Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them.  Having bought the book with his pocket money five pence Young Higgs returned home where his father Professor Brian Dumblecox looked and nodded in a knowing way and pointed to the map of the universe on the wall and said

Its time Master Higgs, you have discovered the bookshop.

Yes dad I DON'T know how I got there I was going to W H Smiths.

We live in a multi-dimensional world Master Higgs and you have entered the world of Wizards.

But you said it was Quantum Mechanics dad I watched you on the television.

No son that is just a cunning trick to confuse muggles, we are talking about the world of wizards and you now have to go and fulfil your destiny.

But I’M too young to go on X factor.

NOOOO Not X Factor

And I have only had three dancing lessons, I don’t think I’m good enough for Strictly yet.

O for Gods sake Master Higgs you have to go and restore the Great Harry Potter to Life, Back at Hogwarts where he will become Headmaster and make more films.

WOW like Frankenstein’s Monster with lighting and a bolt through his Neck.

Look son I'm getting angry if you don’t behave I’ll play one of my Albums.

Sorry Dad

Now here is a large Jug with a mummified cat in and a jar of ash from the Wizards Ring of Fire where Harry and the other wizards died you must go now and enter the ruins of Hogwarts where you will discover what you need to do.

With that Young Higgs set off on his intrepid journey with his new book and a ticket for the train, a large jug with a mummified cat and a jar of ash.

He took one last look at the house as he set off down the street his dad shouting after him. . .  AND beware the Wicker Man. . . .  Young Higgs gave him the thumbs up and thought to himself. . . Don’t stare at the vicars van. . . How odd.

TO BE CONTINUED 

PART TWO