The Aurora Borealis, Professor Brian Cox and why are humans not that hairy. . .The big Question

I have not pondered any big questions of late and this might explain part of the entire lack of interest in my blog at present, well that and my ability to ramble on about absolutely nothing. So I thought come on Rob Z Tobor time to look at the bigger picture and consider one of those Big Questions one where the answer is far from clear even for a chap like me. You see I was outside last night looking at the sky, on the off chance I might see the Aurora Borealis; did I see a hint of green through the mist and trees I will never know for sure, but stuff like that happens. Was that a three headed dog running along the dark ally at the back of the chip shop with a large lizard in its mouth (mouths), life is full of little glimpses of things out the corner of your eye that make you think . . . . . . Was that really a ???? . . . There is a whole different world in the corner of human eyes.

Anyway while I was out not seeing the Aurora Borealis, wrapped up against the cold with a selection of warm clothes watched by two cats who ran off when they thought they heard a three headed dog, (it was only three of next doors dogs howling at a banshee).  I had this thought why are humans not covered in hair . . . . No I mean proper hair like gorillas or bears (who are not bare) if we are the descendants of the great apes we should be covered in hair but we are not. This is odd because normally where an animal exists both in a hairy species and bald species the bald one spends its entire life in caves and has rubbish eyesight. And if you look at humans as a whole it is amazing how many wear glasses and have rubbish eyesight. Me for one if I take my glasses off I would be unable to tell the difference between a gorilla and say a hedgehog so I have to make sure I am wearing my glasses if I go out in the garden looking for hedgehogs (they taste delicious HAH AHah hahahah ah ah ah ah ha ha hha ha ha ha hahah ha haha haha ha ha ha). Add to this the fact that a lot of the very earliest evidence for man can be found in caves and potholing is still a popular sport made me ponder the very distinct possibility that the human race is in fact rather less a great ape as a rather weird sort of Monkey Mole or maybe a Mole Monkey.

I mean what was the first thing that man started making back in the stone age it was burial mounds or as the very hairy Great Apes would say as they pointed at the large mound. . . . . . . WOW . . . .  ****** look at the size of that mole hill. 

I don’t want to be a mole . . . . . . . DAMN.

Oooooo that reminds me Stargazing Live with Professor Brian Cox is on the TV tonight. . .  

THe Ghost Bi-Plane, WW1 and the Mole

Yesterday I mentioned that I had put a load of moth balls down into the Moles run in order to shift him out of our lawn. It is said that Moles hate the smell and will head off to pastures new, well it sort of worked, it did move all of three or four feet further into the middle of the lawn. However luck was on my side because after a quick trip to the Castle of the Bishop to get provisions I noticed on our return a new mound in the lawn since we had been out. So I grabbed a spade a pair of gloves and the hose and leapt into action. First I dug in behind the new mound and then turned the hose on to full blast to fill the Moles now limited run. 

Within a few seconds the Mole appeared on the surface of the grass to escape the flood where I grasped it in my gloved hand and put it in a plastic container. It was then transported to a place where Moles can run free (dig Free) . So it is one happy Mole . . . . . I say happy but do Moles do happy?

We also had a visit from Miss Vicky then we had a visit from Miss Jo and Charlie Junior who hid under a pile of large umbrellas.

Then after everyone left and we were clearing up a very strange thing happened, an old Bi-Plane flew over head, but rather than head off into the distance it turned round two or three times and then proceeded to do a fancy aerial display.  So we stood outside for a while watching the Bi-Plane doing loop the loops and barrel rolls and the like before it eventually headed back to where ever it can from. What is particularly strange is that it is exactly 100 years to the day since the start of world war one (WW1) and why a Bi-Plane would do such a display over a tiny village in the middle of nowhere is a mystery. I am assuming it was probably a Ghost Bi-Plane and will return again in one hundred years time.

Ooooooo yes I will be drumming tonight too.

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I would also add, I was not impressed by the closing ceremony of the Commonwealth Games in Glasgow. . . .Typical Glasgow Night Out had so much scope and they did a packet of chips and Whatshername singing. . . . 

The Closing Ceremony of the Glasgow Commonwealth Games, a Mole, A Chainsaw, and Aliens

So what have I done today I hear you are say as if with the single voice of silence. . . . Well I am glad you have asked, sort of asked, thought about asking, OK no one has asked. But I know you need to know, well it started with the a view of our front lawn in a state of minor disarray and when I say minor I really mean miner because the lawn has small humps on it. Yes it can only be a Mole (not as in the spy but as in the small cute but annoying furry beast).  I am trying to be nice to the mole, he is after all only doing what moles do which is destroy lawns in the pursuit of wisdom (sorry worms) and in general no one is friendly to moles so it only seems fair to be nice.  So tactic number one is Moth balls dropped down the moles labyrinth of runs. . . . . .  To tell the truth I am not optimistic in the slightest, but we will see.

I have also had a large bonfire burning to clear a big pile of stuff which needed to be moved before next Saturday when we are expecting Digger Chris rather than Builder Chris who will be coming to do another job soon.  I have also had a bit of a play with the chainsaw and cut a few things down that need cutting down. One thing I have not ventured off to see is the Dancing Sheep, I am sure they must be good but I suspect someone will tell me all about it at some point.

Tonight is the big grand finish of the Commonwealth Games and what can I say I am really disappointed that I never got to see an Alien maybe they are still in the chip shop eating deep fried Haggis. It is quite possible as this is a treat seldom seen outside Scotland yet alone a far distant Alien world.

Anyway I did catch a brief comment on Radio four that seem to say that Lulu the well known Scottish singer from many moons ago was going to recite the Kali Monologue well I think that’s what they said. I am looking forward to hearing the lady famed for her shout reciting

सर्वमङ्गलमाङ्गल्ये शिवे सर्वार्थसाधिके । शरण्ये त्र्यम्बके गौरि नारायणि नमोऽस्तु ते ॥ॐ जयंती मंगल काली भद्रकाली कपालिनी । दुर्गा क्षमा शिवा धात्री स्वाहा स्वधा नमोऽस्तु‍ते . . . .Everybody Shout Now  सर्वमङ्गलमाङ्गल्ये शिवे सर्वार्थसाधिके । शरण्ये त्र्यम्बके गौरि नारायणि नमोऽस्तु ते ॥ॐ जयंती मंगल काली भद्रकाली कपालिनी । दुर्गा क्षमा शिवा धात्री स्वाहा स्वधा नमोऽस्तु‍ते. . . . . . .

I suspect the Hindu community of Glasgow will be very pleased and somewhat surprised.

I also believe that the plan is to recreate a classic night out in Glasgow so I will be watching as this could be my last chance to spot Aliens at the Commonwealth Games as they devour a Deep fried Mars bar and a fish supper washed down with an Iron Bru and a Whiskey chaser as they shout  . . . . . . . . . Whit’s fur ye’ll no go by ye  before returning to space to return soon

Maybe not today, Maybe not tomorrow but soon in a woodland near you. . . . .

Keep Watching the Skies  . . . . .

C is for the Curious Case of the Computer Update

Late last night myself and Mr Jones dressed up in camouflage armed ourselves with pointy sticks and a selection of large blue blocks that Mr Jones said were his secret weapon and ventured out into the night to defend Earth from the Rat People of Eaglefleebite 7. Mr Jones said if we could catch Big Boris and entice him into eating some of the blue blocks then it was game over.  Of course the best laid plans of mice and men or should I say RATs (as in Radical Abstract Thinkers) and men never go to plan (it is another stupid saying), and the Rat People of Eaglefleebite 7 did not turn up there was not a single light anywhere to be seen. Mr Jones said it was very annoying and also extremely curious indeed.

On the subject of curious things, what did happen last night which most folk would not think about much was my trusty old PC did a Windows Update. OK I can hear you all type, SO WHAT, but this old PC runs Windows XP the now dead operating system which I recently rallied round to support with my We Love XP campaign . . . . Keep Windows XP Undead. . . . 

I had started to think my efforts were scratching uselessly at the Big Gates (affectionately nick named Bill) of the huge Microsoft corporate body, but maybe not. Could it be that a member of the almost unheard of elitist Keep Windows XP Undead Gorilla Movement has gnawed their way through the skirting boards unseen and in the best tradition of Moles now sits at the heart of the Microsoft organisation?  Sticking their head above ground to create another little mound for us to scoop up before vanishing back underground to hide in the labyrinth of dark tunnels (Microsoft really should spend more money on lighting up those corridors.

 Of course if the elitist member of the Keep Windows XP Undead Gorilla Movement sticks his head above ground for too long folk will say things like . . . . . . . . .  What is Brian from Software Development doing eating the skirting boards . . . . . .and . . . . . . O my god have you seen the large deposit he has left on the lawn. You don’t think maybe he has turned into one of those Rat People of Eaglefleebite 7.

Anyway this is long enough now for a daily diary entry so I will go leaving you with the following questions.

Is Brian one of the Rat People of Eaglefleebite 7 rather than a Mole? . . . . . They look similar

Is Windows XP still one of the Undead?  . . . . . . . . (WELL COOL)

Will Big Boris return tonight?

Why did a man called Mr Gates call his operating system Windows, does he have a buildings fetish? 

Why would some mad bloke start working his way through the Alphabet all over again?