The European Elections, Mrs May. An Android and a Rat

Here in Britain we have been going through the European Elections and the demise of Mrs May who finally said  . . . Oh Poo  . . . and has resigned. I don’t entirely blame her, after all she was trapped in a political mess with no real solution. Unfortunately her attempts at solving an unresolvable political mess involved trying to do the same thing each time. We have all been there at some point. Putting our pin number in the cash machine three times only to realize as it confiscates it, saying you are very naughty, that you have used the wrong pin. Anyway Mrs May was hoping to get a fourth go at using the same pin number, but as we all know that is not going to happen so she is now standing on the naughty step.

I tried to warn her about the flowering bamboo but she laughed and said I was a mad dishevelled peasant of the masses destined to scurry about in the hills away from the thrill of political life and power forever. Phew that’s good. . . . . . And it seems we both are now.

Now while on the subject of the curse of the flowering Bamboo I did something to my back a couple of days ago which stopped me from doing any work on the workshop. I was struggling just standing up at one point and could not reach the floor. Not easy when you want to put shoes on and the like. Luckily, although still a bit sore I am now moving about normally so folk are not sniggering at me and calling me the scruffiest android on Earth.

Then yesterday to add to the curse, the entire family descended on our house to eat sausage and bacon butty’s, fruit and cream and cake. To make matters worse some of the left over sausages were wrapped up in foil and taken away by folk to eat later leaving me with just enough for a sausage butty at lunch time today. I have now had to resort to eating the fruit covered in cream . . . . I need the cream to counteract all that healthy fruit stuff. Folk never run off with all the fruit.

Our new neighbours are young and keen and doing a great job of tidying up what is a sort of small holding and former mill. The drawback is they have made the resident rat population restless. The old occupants of the building didn’t seem to worry so Mr Ratty just remained there among the crumbling walls. But we have had a couple in the garden stealing bird seed, so I need to resolve the issue in a friendly way (after all they have their place in the eco system) as my wife hates the little (well not so little) critters. Apparently they are attracted to Bamboo flowers and keen on things Doom related. . . . . . . . DAMN.

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The continuing saga of the IKEA Kitchen. . . . .

I have been back working on the Kitchen today and it has been slow progress. One of the chunky hinges snapping closed on my finger and then to get it off I had to first find a screwdriver and then had to slide it into the side of the hinge and force it apart enough to escape. It was rather painful but it is OK (that’s me NOT the hinge, although it is OK too). Then later on I found a Stanley knife blade while rummaging in a box for some screws. There was not much blood and anyway the kitchen is a glossy blood red colour, something I have now conclusively proved. I am still working on the 2.2 metre units and the draws are all in and are even in the right place. The microwave is in and working, we need a microwave to make Cocoa and Hot Chocolate as well as defrosting the odd thing from the freezer.  We are not fans of microwave food but they are good to heat up an Indian takeaway from time to time. . .

Anyway I discovered today there are three different hinge types to deal with so I am using my technical know-how to work out which one goes where (luckily only one type bite, the biggest), OH yes that time spend in a secret research laboratory was not wasted. . . . AH DAMN forget I said that. I will say the IKEA kitchen appears to be fairly well made, for what is in kitchen terms a relatively cheap option, but the instructions (or lack of them) are rubbish. All we have are three diagrams of the unit door layout and where they go in the room and a very long list of parts. As for the inside of each unit it is vaguely based on a sketch we made, of what we wanted when we were at the store.  O well onward and upward.

What I need are some of those Mechanical Knights of Trumble-Spinny, they would have this kitchen finished and working before you could say. . . . . . . Why have we got a shelf left over . . . . . . .    

The Final Analysis of the 2014 Brazil World Cup and its achievements.

As the long reaching arms of the Knights Templar inevitably encircle the Holy Grail (World Cup) and the world watches knowing there is nothing they can do to stop it now (you will need to read this if you do not understand why). Little do they realise what I have discovered, which now makes their efforts futile. You see we need to look at the achievements of the World Cup as a competition in the cold light of day.

So what exactly has the 2014 Brazilian World Cup achieved as the two final teams (Argentina and Germany) face one another in their true colours?

Have the people of Brazil been left proud knowing that although they did not win, their team played like they loved football, like they did as kids on the beach pretending to be Pele or Jairzinho, running up the pitch being creative and taking risks . . . . . . .  AH NO.

Did it help to solve the terrible inequality and poverty that still exists in Brazil. . . . . . AH NO.

Were the ordinary folk of Brazil able to get tickets rather than them being all sold off at huge profits to the rich corporate bodies and the like. . . . AH NO.

Will the World Cup legacy help Brazil in the future. . . . . . . AH NO

Did it help just a little towards World Peace and understanding, a competition of true sportsmanship   . . . . . . . AH NO.

Has it made the World a better place . . . . . . . AH NO.

Is it the taking part not the winning that is important. . . . . . . . AH NO

Has the corporate world taken over the event so that it has become a money making machine for a few from advertising and appealing to corporate greed and elitism of the few. . . . . . AH YES.

So it is clear that the World Cup can not be the Holy Grail, but just a lump of gold or the whole competition would be an open, harmonious, and happy event without all that money stuff lurking in the background and all the secret wheeler dealing leading to suspicion of greed and corruption and a few men on a power trip.

So now I need to work out exactly where that Holy Grail is before you know who starts sending its Androids after me.

What’s that you say Skippy . . . . . . The old Funfair near Stockdale . . . . . . . Surely not. 

2014 Brazilian World Cup . . . Netherlands v Brazil, The Wicker Man. . . And the villagers painting expedition

In our little village community today it was paint day when we all rallied round and headed off to the Village Hall armed with paint brushes and painted. Well that was sort of the plan only it was a lovely sunny day and when we arrived there was just one other person. But we were closely followed by someone else who had arrived to do running repairs on the building; when I say running I do not mean he was running it is one of those silly saying and refers to the building . . . Not that it was running either. So the four (well three) of us started painting the entrance hall as our numbers were a bit less than anticipated. After a while we then lost one of our painters as they had to go off elsewhere and then after a bit longer we lost the repair man as he had to do stuff and also has to get up at 2.00am in the morning to do other stuff. I wonder what sort of stuff a man in a striped T-shirt, wearing a mask, and carrying a large crowbar does at 2.00am. . . . .  And why is a crowbar called a crowbar is it designed to dislodge crows from crevices where they have become stuck?

 So we were then down to two painters which was not exactly what was planned so once the entrance hallway was done we decided that was it, and the other jobs would have to wait. I’m sure the locals will turn up on mass soon enough, bearing pointy sticks, pitch folks and fiery torches looking for an unsuspecting passer by to tie into the Wicker Man before feasting and painting the men’s and ladies toilets. 

There are rituals and funny ways in the country and it does not do to question the reasoning at times, it is always best to cheer and join in. Unless of course you are an unsuspecting passer by walking the Shropshire Way and find yourself tied inside a Wicker Man while folk prod you with pointy sticks and set fire to the large bonfire the Wicker Man is on top of. 

Anyway that was what I did today . . . . . . . . I was wondering if it would help the Netherland football team (My Disheartened Androids) if I tied an unsuspecting passer by into a Wicker footballer and set fire to him. I know it’s too late for the final and my chance to rule the world but at least they would cheer up if they beat Brazil seven one like those German Androids. . .    

The least important football match in the World Cup (Brazil 2014)

As many of you know I have been reporting the news from the world cup in Brazil over the last couple of weeks and the slightly bizarre truth behind the veiled illusion that it is a sporting event to find the best football nation in the world.  As if the general public are likely to be taken in by such a far fetched tale. One thing I had forgotten though after the terrible defeat of my Androids when they lost out in the penalty shootout against Argentina is that there is a play off for third and forth position. Yes I know I don’t see the point of it either, not now the Knights Templar have as good as got their hands on the World Cup (Holy Grail).

 My Androids (the Netherlands Team) are very despondent, they know they have let me down and I did turn one into a Ballet Dancer and one into a small Beast for refusing to take penalties.  And Brazil as we know are very despondent as they were beaten to a pulp by the German Androids of the Knights Templar.  So tomorrow the Netherlands and Brazil have to play yet one more game of football which will not help either in any way and certainly will not help me rule the world. 

Even my little scam to sell a few tickets for the match to folk for a slightly inflated price has not gone well. Mr Ray Gun it appears has had to do a bit of a runner when he told everyone that Brazil was in the final; not the third fourth position playoff, and it was all a bit of a mistake caused by a Butterfly flapping its wings in the heart of the Amazon Jungle. Which is as we all know the origin of Chaos theory, and the reason that Brazil plan to chop it down and create a car park in readiness for the next Olympics.  No one wants chaos during the Olympics so those Butterflies need to go.

Ooooooooo apparently the government plan to ban folk chewing Cats. . . . . . . I know it’s a bit odd

2014 Brazilian World Cup The Final Conspiracy

I did not watch the world cup match between Argentina and the Netherlands last night as I was rather tired, but knew that my trusty Androids would easily defeat those Argentinians, after all, the German Androids had done the very same thing just the day before against Brazil. However I woke up to discover they had lost and on the penalty shootout. I then heard on the BBC News that the first two Androids asked to take penalties had panicked and said NO, unnerving the entire team. They have ruined my plans now and I will not be the ruler of the entire World forcing the very nice Steven Spielberg to make the blockbuster film of the book of the blog diary of me Rob Z Tobor.  I have since received a telegram from the very nice Steven Spielberg that read . . . . . . .  HAH AH AH AHAH AH AH AHHA HAHA HA HAH AH AHAHHAH AH Ha So I will not be making the film after all. Now I suggest you stop annoying me and go away. . HA HAHAH AH HAH AH HA HAH AH hah ah ah ah ah ha hah ahah hah aah ha hah  . . . . . . . . . . . .  Its OK I known he does not mean it and will come round to the idea very soon. 

I have realized though that the final is a fix, the Netherlands were doomed even with my Androids playing. You see the Germans as we all now know have been infiltrated by the Androids of the Knights Templar who are after the Holy Grail (world Cup). And as we all Know, who do they see as their head man, none other than the Pope and where does the present Pope come from, Argentina. Add to this the fact that the previous German Pope resigned to let the Present Argentinian  Pope take over in time for the world cup and we have one seriously big conspiracy theory, after all where is the one place on earth that you could hide the World Cup (Holy Grail). . . . . . . Yes the Vatican. No international police of any sort will get into there.

So it appears that the German team and the Argentinian  teams are in it together, I bet some of the Argentinian players are Androids of the Knights Templar and that would explain why my Dutch Androids were a bit off form.

However just so they know who the boss is I have reconfigured the two Androids who refused to take the first penalty for the Netherlands as a warning not to do such things again.    

OOooooooo and those compromising pictures of the Pope I planned to Blackmail the Argentinean Manager with were fakes planted by the Knights Templar to lull me into a false sense of security. They have turned out to be an Elvis Impersonator called Dave from Wolverhampton. . . .  Well He will have some explaining to do tomorrow to the press.

If Argentina win the World cup all I can say is it’s the hand of God and the whole match is rigged.  

The Netherlands World Cup (Holy Grail) Quest still on track at the 2014 Brazilian World Cup

As some or all or none of you will know I have a master plan to get my hands on the Holy Grail (World Cup) and rule the world, however Mr F has popped up to visit for the weekend so I sort of took my eye of the ball. No pun intended.  Then last night as I was drawing a new picture of Peeliam Orangeman the famous God of The Netherlands and the reason all their sportsmen wear bright orange, I was given some shocking news. Mrs Ghost Writer was checking FB while we were all chatting and told me that the Son of Mr M had put up a message to say the Netherland football team were goners and out of the world cup.

WHAT . . . .  That was terrible because they are my secret team of Androids the team built to win the World Cup (Holy Grail) for me so I can use the powers of the Holy Grail (World Cup) to rule the world like all evil genius’s are meant too.  And besides I had just finished Drawing Peeliam Orangeman the famous God of The Netherlands only minutes before. So I rushed to the computer and went to view the BBC News to find out what had happened. It said the score was Nil Nil and that they were playing a penalty shootout.  I needed to know so I hit the live link only to discover the penalty shootout was happening right there in front of my eyes. I shouted at my Androids and pointed at my drawing of Peeliam Orangeman the famous God of The Netherlands and warned them that they would all be dismantled if they lost and the Androids of the Knights Templar would steal the Holy Grail (World Cup) and my evil plan would be ruined.

Luckily it did the trick the Netherlands are still there doing what they were designed for, and my cunning trick to ensure Brazil are scuppered sending their main man to hospital in a well practiced accident went like clockwork. . . . .HAH AH HA HA Hah ah ah ah ah ha aha h ah ha ah ah ahah hahha ha.

As for the Argentinean team I have sent several compromising pictures of the Pope to the Manager of the Argentinean Football Manager suggesting that he insures his team loses or the Pope will have a lot of explaining to do.  

So it is just a matter of time now until the Netherlands wins the 2014 Brazilian World Cup and I Rob Z Tobor get hold of the Holy Grail (World Cup) and everyone will call me Emperor Rob Z Tobor and gravel (sorry Grovel) a lot. . . . . . . .  OK I will be a bit nice to some folk. . . . . . . OK YES I will be nice to Everyone.

HAH AHAH AHAH HAhah ah ha ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah hha ha ha ha ha hah ah ah a ha Hha ha hah ah a  AHAH AHAH AH AHAH AH AH AH AH AH AHAH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAH AH A HA HAH AH ha hah ah ah ah ah ah ah hahaha h ha hah h ah ah hahah hahah ha hah ah aha h hhah                haha ha ha ha.

So Please do not put misinformation on FB it can be rather stressful. 

The Story behind the 2014 Brazil World Cup (An exclusive and shocking story of power).

The complex story behind the 2014 Brazil World Cup is finally starting to unravel, but it is a complex story and I need to return to the past for it to make sense. Back to the very origins of the creation of the first Androids by the unknown genius Augustus Von Androidus (which I have discussed previously), you see it appears that he was a member of the Knights Templar’s. He built the Androids to recover the legendary Holy Grail, the gold cup of Jesus and his mates, because by then the number of members of the Knights Templar had fallen to a handful.  Well they had a bit of a hard time historically people sort of set them on fire.

As the Androids continued their mission to find the grail, it became clear in more recent times that there was a certain gold cup that was worshiped by millions of people from all over the world, and they needed to find out if this was the gold cup they were searching for. Why would all these people worship this cup apparently awarded for winning a game called football, it made no sense to the Androids and so they have assumed that this is a crude cover story to protect the grail.

In 1966 the Androids even got hold of the cup briefly, but before they could examine it properly some pesky kid called Dan Brown and his dog Pickles (on his way to a fancy dress party dressed as Leonardo Da Vinci . . . that’s Dan not his dog) stumbled across them and the Androids had to vanish into the undergrowth of Beulah Hill. They managed to steal it again in 1983, but by then they were convinced that a switch had been done, and so the Androids are now pursuing the new cup. They are sure that this time they have the right cup.

However an evil genius who has been aware of the Androids long hunt for the Holy Grail has built his own androids to ensure that he will win the World Cup and obtain the Grail which he knows from watching that Indiana Jones Bloke and Monty Python will give him eternal youth and ultimate power.

This genius has even persuaded a certain player to bite people to convince the powers that be that the world cup is riddled with Vampires, but Mr Suarez is not a Vampire merely a Red Herring.

So what is the name of this Evil Genius who will get his clutches on the World Cup? Live for ever. Rule the world and make folk eat ice cream. . . . . . . He is called Rob Z Tobor.

Hang ON that’s ME

HAH AH Hah ah ah ha ha h hah ah ha hah ah ah ha ha ah ha ha ha ha ha hah ah ah ah ah ah ha h hahha hah ah ha hah ah ah ah ha h hah ha ah ha ha ha hah ah ah ah ha ah h ah hah hah ah ah ah ah hha h ha hah ha

HAH AH HA HA ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha hah ah ah ah ah ah ahah ahah ahha ha ha ha

AH DAMN I may have revealed my plan a bit early.

One small bite for man, one giant leap for the goalkeeper

As many of you will know I have been revealing some of the lesser known facts about the World Cup in my ever popular Blog (I use the term ever popular loosely). Telling the world about the news that the world cup is full of Androids and now Vampires and various other creatures and beasts of a non-human based life structure. But I have come to believe my blog has upset the powers that be somewhere in the voids of cyberspace. I don’t think it will be Quinton and Charles of GCHQ as my blog apparently is the only light relief they get as they trawl through the myriad of websites and blogs involved in social media.

The reason for my suspicion is that if I Google for news of Androids and Vampires through the rather popular Google search engine (I am a great fan myself) playing in the Brazilian World cup my own blog comes in at about page 25 million. Now we all know this could only happen if someone somewhere wants my blog kept quite, suppressed and out the way.

I have even protested outside the local Google Office, a small wooden shed in a field just up the road.  Where a spokesperson said the following

Does not compute

Does not compute

Does not compute     

Does not compute

Does not compute

Does not compute

Does not compute

Does not compute

Does not compute

Suarez is a vampire

Ban the vampire     

 Bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep  bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep

On the head. . . . Back of the net

Anyway I am suspicious now that there are more folk about in the greater world as a whole who are androids than I thought. And a useful tip to spot one (so I am told) is that they clutch small touch screen devices where they obtain their instructions from, using discrete thumb and finger movements to communicate with their great leader,

In late news (for me) it appears that Luis Suarez has been banned for four months.  He stated afterwards My solicitors Amstrad Amstrad and Amstrad were rubbish and seemed to favour the Androids. But as a Vampire I am planning to hang about for a while. . . 

Brazilian World Cup Latest . . . Luis Suarez innocent claims Harry Potter

Football continues to astonish the watching masses around the world when we learnt yesterday that Uruguay have been playing a Vampire as their leading striker (for legal reasons we cant mention Mr Luis Suarez . . . . .DAMN). Of course since the ruling that players do not have to be human Uruguay are quite within their rights. It has to be said though that biting is certainly not permitted normally, even by Vampires while on the pitch and the worlds press have been quick to condemn the player. The condemnation is not universal however and a large lobby group, led by Zombies, Ogres, Banshees, Giants and Demonic Beasts has argued that it is unfair and he was merely finding out if the Italian player was one of those Italian Androids as he was convinced it(he) was making mechanical noises. They further say that Mr Suarez’s leap to the ground clutching his teeth proves emphatically that the other player was full of Ferrari made mechanical parts which is going to result in expensive dental work.

Even Mr Harry Potter in a surprise statement said. . . . . . He’s innocent. . .  Its totally unfair Vampires and other terrible beasts of fiction are being discriminated against by the international corporate world of Capitalist Football who prefer the android because it’s placid and can be turned into profitable merchandise novelty toys and the like . . . . . . Hey I sign autographs if you want me too, £20.00 pound a go.

     

  Mr Suarez himself has been quoted as saying . . . . . I'M a Vampire, I bite folk it’s what Vampires do, I have it under control most of the time, but playing against Androids just made me see red. . . .  I like red . . its my favourite colour particularly if it is dripping out of a neck.  

Please NOTE since the writing of this diary entry a spokesperson for Mr Harry Potter says he has not made a statement of any sort and this is rumour and vengeance by a person called Rob Z Tobor who is bitter and twisted because of his lack of success at writing and he is just jealous that Mr Potter is a great wizard and stonkingly wealthy. . . . . . YA SUCKS BOO.

Further Shock News From Brazilian World Cup

After the shock news the other day of Germany’s disqualification for playing an Android, the world of football today has been turned upside down yet again by the news that Germany has won its appeal. It has been decided at the highest level that the rules do not say that players must be human and so Germany have been reinstated.  But shortly after that news was announced at a press conference in Brazil early this morning, further new conferences were called that have rocked the world of international football further.

Shortly after Germany were reinstated America announced that their first true international Soccer star, striker Dell Drone was in fact entirely made of carbon fibre and operated by Nano-technology designed by NASA. This was closely followed by the news that Italy’s Fiato Florentine was a Fashion Mannequin with Ferrari built mechanics.  Then Japan admitted that their entire international woman’s football team are Androids.

Even here in Britain, England has confessed that the last full member of the England Football Supports Club Mr Tim (the Spectrum) Sinclair is in fact a modified Reliant Robin. . . . . Come on Tim. . . .

Later when interviewed at his home Roy of the Rovers, one of the last living members of England’s 1966 squad said. . . . . . . Its disgusting they are all a bunch of big girls Blouses, that Tommy Dorsey would be turning in his grave. . . . . . Call those football boots they are rubbish. . . . . . Here I met that Diana Dors once . . . . . didn’t she marry that Benny Dorm bloke. . . . . . . . .

Germany disqualified from Brazilian World Cup. . . Android Shock News

In what is said to be one of sports biggest ever shocks, Germany have been disqualified from the 2014 Brazilian World Cup. It appears that one of their leading players, I think his name is Muller Cogs Lightberg or something similar, has turned out to be an Android and not human.  

How ironic when only the other day I was discussing the origins of the term Android and its forgotten inventor Augustus Von Androidus. But it appears that the Great Great Great Great (or something like that) Granddaughter of Augustus Von Androidus still had his original plans and drawings and someone hit upon the idea of recreating one of the Androids to become the heroic leading striker of the German National Football team. 

It does explain the reclusive life style of the player and his constant clicking, grinding and hissing noises on the pitch which many other teams had officially complained about and which the German manager has always said was rather bad wind. And no one would have noticed if he had not pulled his fake latex chest up over his head along with his official team shirt after scoring the winning goal during their first World Cup game.  The Germans at first said he was not an Android but a cyborg (not the IKEA set of draws but the man machine thing) and mostly human; but after tests it has been found he is definitely non human in every respect except image and a strange obsession to kick a ball about for 90 minutes in a game of two halves.

There is talk of a German protest at the disqualification decision on the grounds that nowhere in the rules does it say players need to be human and it has been pointed out that back here in Britain in 1912 Scragend United played a duck in goal for two games.     Although it was done for a bet when the manager was drunk at Ye Olde Pig and Trolley Inn, and the duck let in 132 goals, But the Germans still claim it set a president.

The Origin of the word Android . . . . A True Story to Tell at Breakfast . . . (sort of true-ish...a bit)

Many people enjoying a sci-fi film or book and reading of Androids will seldom if ever think about the origin of the Android, it is after all a funny old word and an idea that can be traced back to the ninetieth century. But the real truth about the origins of Androids has been lost to all but a small group of Scientists, historians and Android enthusiasts.

You see the ninetieth century was a time of much scientific advancement across many disciplines; it was also a time in the history of man of much insecurity and political volatility throughout Europe, where one army would march on another.

So much thought was put into ways and means of defeating the armies of your enemies as they jousted for supremacy. It was into this world that a young and brilliant scientist was thrust by his countries leaders in the heart of Europe. 

Young Augustus Von Androidus was a genius and a master of building Automata, but he had said that with the right resources he could make a fully independent walking, talking and thinking mechanical man. And so the great German leadership of the time gave him everything he needed to do this, they wanted   Young Augustus Von Androidus to build an invincible army of mechanical fighting men.

Using the very best designs for suits of armour Augustus Von Androidus build sophisticated mechanical structures and mechanisms into them powered by concentric vibration activated coil winders and multilayer bimetal ratchet drives, meaning his warriors were self powered and could operate forever in theory. Added to this the use of infinitely variable cam drive systems allowed the worriers to think for themselves and learn as they fought, so they would never lose any battle..

After many years a group (the number of which is unknown) of worriers now called Androids were finally complete and a battle against an elite force was arranged as a test deep in the heart of the Black forest in a large clearing.  The Androids lined up as the elite of the German Army prepared themselves to attack, both sides waiting for the other to make the first move.  But then the silence was suddenly broken as a small child skipped across the field picking flowers.

The small child curious at the small army of shiny Androids ran up to see them and offered one of them a flower, but as the android bent down to take the flower the men of the German Army shouted at the child to go away and threw a rock at it. This made the small child cry dropping all the flowers as it ran off home. It was at this point that the Androids all looked at each other and realised that fighting and war were futile and wrong so they dropped their weapons and vanished into the forest.

The German authorities covered the entire story up as they could hardly tell the public that they had lost a army of mechanical fighting men (Androids) which meant Augustus Von Androidus was never recognized by the world for his greatest achievement.  Then a few years later someone else claimed that they had thought of the term Android rather to the annoyance of Augustus Von Androidus.

As for his Androids they are thought to still roam the wild places of the world learning and watching. Which is why folk tell stories of strange mountain men or men of the forests and remote islands, unaware that they are in fact entirely mechanical sophisticated Androids.

Anyway that’s what they said at Ye Olde Pig and Trolley Inn when they refused to sell me the all day Full English Breakfast at quarter to twelve, adding that you can’t have a Full English Breakfast after 11.30 am.

Proof once and for all that we are all in fact androids . . . . . LET THERE BE LIGHT.

This morning when I got up I took my watch off and I noticed strange mechanical marks on my wrist under where the watch had been. I have not noticed them before, I assume because they had been hidden by the watch. I then wondered if watches were something we had to wear to hide the marks that would prove once and for all that we are all in fact androids. I therefore decided the best thing to do is ask someone who is not a human as other humans would also be androids, so I asked the dog, he sniffed my wrist and chewed it a bit and then said yes definitely an android and not even one of the latest models…… Damn; so I am an android. On the School bus I told the other pupils that I was an android and took my watch off to show them, then they took their watches off and they found mechanical marks under their watches too. So they were all androids as well. Well Freddie appeared not to be an android but he does not wear a watch, so we all decided that people with watches on must be androids and those with no watches are not, although interestingly enough they also can not tell the time very well.

In school luckily enough we had metal work all day and so we asked the metalwork teacher about all of us (not Freddie) being androids and he suggested that it might be good to build an android based on one of us to get an idea of what we looked like under our human disguise. I did say we could just cut the outer bit off, but he thought we might accidently cut though some cables just under the surface of our skin; that was good thinking but then he is a metalwork teacher and wears a large watch. So I then became the person the android was based on because I was first to notice I was an android. The school android however became more robot due to time restrictions and in order to make it do stuff we have to fall back on the principles of Clockwork Automated Logic.

Because the robot was based on me it was a friendly looking robot, I am you see very friendly, but the teacher insisted that we program in what he called Variable Random Stupidity, he refused to explain what that was, but I am not sure I agree with that.  Still by the end of the day it was finished and we wound it up to see what would happen. As it started to move . . .. . . Esmeralda who is mainly electro-mechanical anyway these days (after being eaten by the goat) said LET THERE BE LIGHT so The Clockwork Mechanical Rob Robot marched outside and brought back a lamp post from the street. Well that was a bit silly, but the metalwork teacher said it was the built in Variable Random Stupidity and just the sort of thing I would do……. THAT’S NOT FAIR.

Oooooooo by the way we finally got our big box of snowflakes ready for winter, one good thing about them is they are all different and specially made by an expert snowflake maker. . . . . . . . . WELL COOL (cool ….. HAH HAHAHA HAHH HAH AH HAHHAH HAH AHHAH ah hah hah ah hah ah ha )

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