Cows, Zombies and Me, but not Football.

(32....)

I am still working on the workshop; progress is exceedingly slow at present because not having a design can lead to technical issues as you progress. One of which I am trying to sort out in a neat way so that no one will ever know I might have made a design error. And I have almost finished . . . . Phew . . . . It is not structural so the workshop will not fall down, but I needed to sort it before I put the corrugated sheets on the outside walls or that would have been so much harder. Anyway that should now be a piece of cake . . . . . That’s an odd saying. Why something being relatively easy should be linked to a piece of cake makes no sense to me. If someone asked me to make a piece of cake I would consider that extremely difficult indeed. And not a piece of cake even if it was actually a piece of cake if you get my drift.  I mean I can make ginger biscuits dead easy and damn good ones too, but cake no.

I have been out this evening saving a cow which had got onto the road and was well spooked. Not helped by idiots driving too fast and refusing to slow down for the poor critter. Anyway the farmer who owns the cow turned up and it is now safe in its field again. . . . We suspect it may have been Zombies that released it. For reasons I have not yet worked out it seems Cows don’t like Zombies and Zombies don’t like Cows. Actually when you look back on films involving Cows and Zombies it is hard to think of one where both Cows and Zombies feature, generally its either one or the other.

Right I plan to have a cup of tea and a chill not watching football in any form whatsoever . . . . I am not a fan of football and I suspect neither are the Cows or the Zombies. So despite our differences we have much in common.

A rather boring day for the readers of my Diary . . . Sorry.

You are probably thinking . . . . . Hang On this diary thing . . . . Back in the past loads of stuff happened and now it’s dead boring . . . .  Well that is a bit true; it is not the diary it used to be. Part of the reason at present is my continued work on Shed Two (My workshop) and the reason I am working away on that a great deal is due to the weather. It has been lovely over the last few days. Lovely to the point where our daughter phoned us up from her home just a couple of miles away on the Welsh side of the border to say how horrid the rain was. At the time we were sitting outside in the sun drinking tea and chilling. A short break from shed work.

I will admit I did fire up the old weather machine on the off chance it might finally do something useful and not cause hurricanes again. So maybe it might just be doing what it was always meant to do, make it sunny.   

Anyway shed two slowly develops. One aspect of designing and building buildings without any design whatsoever is things can develop in ways that you never thought they might. I do wonder if going back in time folk just built stuff and the key point of any good building was it did not fall down. It does mean they can become quite interesting as you ponder ways to resolve an issue that you had not thought about until three quarters of the roof is finished. And I think Shed Two will be all the better for all the little changes I keep making in order to make it structurally sound and practical in a quirky sort of way. I will then claim I am a Master Builder in the medieval tradition of Master Builders.

There have been a lot of butterflies about lately I suspect that is a good sign. I am not good on butterflies, but I did see a small blue one and a large yellow one earlier as well as the white ones and brownish ones.  . . . My knowledge of plants is a bit like my knowledge of butterflies by the way. . . . . .

Right that’s it . . . . I suspect you are now thinking Well that was rubbish. But it’s a diary so Poo . . . .  (again) . . .

I sometimes draw beasts seen in the garden

but do use a bit of artistic license so no one knows what they are

Including me

Shed Roofs, Cups of Tea and Aliens

(14...)

It has remained sunny and so I have been working on the Homebrew Workshop a lot. What is frustrating is my brain thinks OOOoooo do this, and then you can do that bit followed by that other bit and then paint and seal stuff. My body follows along grumbling and demanding a rest while shouting at my brain . . . . . What the ******* are you doing now I’m old and knackered you know . . . . . Pesky Brain. I am meant to be retired you know. . . . . .

I suspect my body is much like other folks bodies when they get old and knackered. They complain a great deal and really hate an enthusiastic bouncy brain. Anyway by the end of today even bending down was a good reason to groan, followed by a slightly louder groan getting up.

However the task I wished to achieve is done. Which was to get the roof felt secured on the roof of the workshop so that if it rains in the next few days it will not matter. What made it tricky is that I have made a huge fixed skylight on the south side of the roof and I wanted that sealed and watertight and painted. Having managed that I now don’t need to get back on the roof again, I just need to secure the edges neatly. This is after all going to be a very posh workshop to make very posh things in.

I would add a picture of my work here to show you but by the time I had eaten . . .Fish and Chips . . . YUM ... and then rested and chilled for a bit it was too dark so a picture will have to wait so here is an old picture I drew of a UFO . . . Aliens are always keen to meet grumpy old men in sheds, as they tend to be Alien friendly and folk just think they are mad when they tell then Aliens visited me again last night while I was pottering in my shed. They do like a nice cup of tea and a chat about life.

A view from a roof

(12...)

What a lovely sunny day it has been today. This meant that I was able to do some really constructive work on the roof of the new workshop I am building myself.  I achieved a bit yesterday but being Britain when you need a guaranteed window of a few days with no rain, (they are far and few between)  when you get one you go for it... Today was predicted dry and so is tomorrow and probably the day after. And that is good enough for me to get that roof felt fitted. It seems I just bought enough too. With basically nothing left over so  ...  PHEW.

One thing about a lovely sunny day working on a roof is you get a great view of things. Our garden is rather overgrown which is good and it means it is full of wildlife, not just Zombies and Hedgehogs either. It is full of butterflies and all manner of small flying critters which is probably why we get House Martians chatting on the power and telephone lines. House Martins sound a bit like dolphins to me which might explain why we never see them in the winter. They turn in dolphins, let’s face it, it’s got to be easier than flying to Africa chasing insects for dinner.

Right a few pictures taken from the New Workshop roof today. . . . .

The summerhouse I built has a proper roof not felt

Note the Zombie trail across the field

Pesky Beasts.

MMmmm we do have quite a few trees and shrubs

You can start to see that a Zombie could hide for ages in that lot

The Village Market and a Mad Vicar

(10...)

Today was Market Day in our little village, when I say little it is small just a huddle of houses. Although we do have a village hall (the location of the market), a garage, a health food shop and a church, but no vicar. We used to have a vicar but he retired and the new one went mad and ran away. Vicars are not keen on Zombies or Witches Covens and because we’re not that far from The Devil’s Chair we have both in abundance and they do like a quiet church for parties and general get togethers.  Something some vicars can find tricky to come to terms with.

Anyway back to the point. My wife and I headed off to the market to buy stuff. There are veggies, an ethnic stall that sells some nice shirts for £10 (a bargain, I have loads), a bread stall with very nice bread. They are a strange religious group, but seem a nice bunch of folk. Well the women are; I have never seen any men and the women are all from the USA. There is a smallholder who sells great sausages and bacon and someone selling interesting cheeses. There is also a chap selling ancient tools that old folk like me chat too and ponder tools from the past. OOOooooo and the man who sells me loads of bird food. . . . I’m sure he has trained them (the Birds) to eat extra.  . . . . And a few other stalls from time to time plus the option of tea and bacon butty’s on site . . . (I now have them as the occasional treat, not every week).

Anyway after a chat about stuff and then wandering home it was time for a cup of tea and a bit of cake and then some lunch and a chill with another cup of tea. A chap needs to rest after a long morning testing sausage samples and poking at obscure tools and complaining about how much small birds can eat.

After lunch it started raining again (I was not happy) but I ventured out towards the workshop I am making and did some proper work fixing a breathable membrane on the outside of the structure before I clad it. Thanks to the rain I still can’t fit the roofing felt. And I must take a few pics soon.

I then ate food. Pasta, so something healthy which means I can maybe eat something unhealthy later, we will see.  I am chilling again now in the office and the cats have not found me yet so it is peaceful and that is good.

So that’s it . . . .  a fairly uninteresting day in general, but this is a diary and folk dont leap about doing exciting things every day.

The Story of a Shed

For many years I had promised my wife a proper designated space where she could make stuff and not have to pack it up when she needed a break and also a space to chill if need be. Hey I'm a chap I take 10 years to finally get that shelf up so this project was in my mind a long long time. In fact we moved house while I was still pondering

But in 2016 I started on a Workshop/Studio Summerhouse for my wife, much to her surprise.  Over many years I have sort of kept every bit of wood and stuff I thought might be useful to make something arty so I had a lot of useful stuff and therefore this material became the starting point of a project with no design. We already had an old, rather tired and uninspired summerhouse in the garden which we inherited when we moved to our present house in 2012 and this was dismantled in order to recreate something unique. Part of the roof ended up in a wall, and some bits of wall I think are under the floor. 

And so over about the last three years I have build this. its insulated and plastered inside has a decent roof and some power for basics plus a sewing machine and a bit of heating

Yes it has Fairy Lights and plenty of them. 

I always say a chap can not have too many Fairy Lights.Now I'm no expert at making such things but I do have a practical brain and know the vague principles needed to make a decent strong building, So to be safe I have over engineered this which means it will survive storms, Elephants jumping on the roof and Armageddon. Although having said that I have realized some of those recycled bits of wood for the fiddly bits are not entirely weather proof so come the spring (2019) I will be changing them for some Oak I have found in the Attic . . . . . Indeed a mystery but a good one.

There is a canvas covered Patio at the back that faces towards the west so a grand place to sit and watch the sunset

And inside it looks like this. It has a rather posh Chandelier which was a free-bee so you cant do better than that. My only regret was someone beat me to the other five. . . . . DAMN.

I made some Indian styled shutters for the rear window from a wooden unit that was left in the garage by the previous owner of the house. The rear window itself being a double glazed unit from our house when we fitted new outside doors in the dining room 

So there you have it  that is my wife's Sewing studio (Called The Indian Sewing Studio)  I have entered this into the Shed of the Year Competition for 2019 . . .  I loved that show when it was on the box which sadly is no longer the case, but the competition rolls on thanks to CUPRINOL . . . . Well Done CUPRINOL . . . . . 

To see my entry there, the link is   HERE . . . . . . . . . . 

At some point you may get a chance to vote for it and save me from the embarrassment of coming last, I dont mind too much coming last I'm not really a competitive chap, but we should always do our best and give these things our best shot. 

Finally here is a short video (a badly made video) of the Studio at dusk to give everyone a better idea of what its like. . . . . 

  

Hello I am almost back but not quite

 O Yes it is true I am almost back but not quite, you see I along with a friend who is a trusted builder have destroyed the bathroom in my house. I have to say it was planned we did not just say. . . . Hey lets trash the bathroom. . . . And then remove an entire wall, all the tiles off two other walls, the floor and part of the ceiling, leaving an empty shell.  It is the final-ish part of what has been a long term master plan to update the house and after the bathroom has been done there will be no major work left to do just decor to make everything look interesting. My wife and I do not believe in the white wall and minimal content we like colour and I like stuff and lots of it. Although having said that I like nice stuff, you know Indian gods made of ceramics, mummified  ancient chinese fabled flying dragons. and little things that no is quite sure what they do.

This work has meant  Shed of the Year 2099, my own little personal project has come to a halt again for a few days. It has been inspected by my friend and building advisor who has said it is looking good but making twiddly bits can be a bit of a pain. . . I entirely agree and I have to admit he did say not to do it, but it is in my DNA I just have to add towers and little stained glass windows and curves and other architectural texture so that the shed is not just a shed. 

A bit of detail from Shed of the year 2099

Here in Britain we have a TV show called Shed of the Year and the plan is to enter the finished shed, but I have well and truly missed this year's final entry date. The good point about that is by next year this shed will look awesome, although I will admit that may be a biased opinion.

Well thats it I will go now but you now know what I am up too and I will be back soon to blog on a more regular basis . . . But not quite yet.     

One Man's quest for knowledge and solving perplexing three dimensional problems.

As you all know I often put my mind to good use solving issues such as . . .WHAT IS DARK MATTER and  WHAT SHAPE IS THE UNIVERSE or HOW DID FROGS GET INTO FAIRY TALES. It is something I am sure we all do at times, it is why mankind is the way it is, the relentless quest for knowledge about stuff and all the WHY, HOW, WHAT, WHEN, CAN I EAT IT questions that life throws at us. So far I have never flinched and have taken all in my stride without even a scratch of the head going o dear not sure I know that; no I have been told be confident and go for it as if you know everything, on the grounds that if you sound like you know everything the likelihood is folk will say HE SEEMS TO KNOW WHAT HE IS TALKING ABOUT and believe every word you say, which is lucky because it is all dead true.

However I was tested today by one of those perplexing three dimensional puzzles that folk like to slip into a conversation about something innocent like the weather. I was asked to put together a set of shelves, not just any shelves but shelves from one of those large self assembly superstores. OK on paper it looks easy but they had already defeated the minds of others due to the cunning cross radial tensioned bracing system using rods to add strength in a way very similar to that of the humble bicycle wheel, a simple yet revolutionary idea in creating strength in a geometric form.

I was not defeated by this test and emerged from it triumphant and able to say I KNOW WHAT SHAPE SHELVES ARE, not everyone can do that…..

Sadly due to time I have been unable to find suitable shelves to take a photo of so I have taken a photo of something that is SHELF-ISH (shellfish) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .HAHHAHAHHAh ah hah ah ha hah ah hah hah ah h hah ah ha ha hha ha hah ah ha hahh ah ah hahah hha ha ha ha ha ha hah ha hah 

Olympic Gold and men in sheds. A truly great legacy of the Olympic Games

It has been a quiet day again here, so I am not saying much… I think my brain is still a bit frazzled from the bug and I was trying to paint behind a radiator with my patent curved brush.  I notice the Olympic British team has now got the most medals it has had in over one hundred years, but I have also noticed that most of them involve things. When I say things I mean something like a bike or a boat or a horse (that includes the fake horse) or a ball or a gun or so on.  So I think in future Britain should only do sport where an object of some sort is involved, I even noticed the other night that a comment was made that the wheels on the Olympic bikes may not have been used since the last Olympics. 

It may therefore that our athletes may not necessarily be the best but our things are. In other words our record numbers of medals are the result of geeky men in sheds at the bottom of their gardens. So with luck men and young children all over the country will be encouraged to tinker with stuff in sheds for hours on end………. A truly great legacy of the Olympic Games, I for one will be spending many hours tinkering with stuff in a shed now hoping for Olympic Gold for my things as they are used by someone to do something.

.