A short list of What I did not do today, and things that did not happen

Over the many years I have been writing my blog I have told you of the many things I have done, as well as write the odd fable, fairytale and poem. But tonight I plan to do something entirely new. You see tonight I will not be writing about what I did but will write about what I did not do today; amazingly there are a lot of things I did not do today far more that I realized, so this is just a small list merely scratching the surface so to speak

I did not actually scratch the surface (despite the old saying which implied I did)

I have not watched a small snail travel across a large stone

I did not sneak up on the international space station and shout BOO at the astronauts

I never waved a pointy stick at a group of little old ladies who were chasing swans

I never ate a large snake

I did not run about shouting QUACK

And I never stood on my head on the ridge tiles of a very tall building

I did not wear a very very bright pink leopard print cowboy hat (AH DAMN actually I did do that today sorry)

I did not draw any pictures

I never spoke to a strange Zombie like creature who juggled mice and laughed in a hysterical manner

I never climbed a large mountain in a wet suit and slippers

I did not mutter under my breath at a load of cyclists on the road (AH DAMN sorry I did that today)

I was not caught leaping over the moon in a superman outfit

I never bought a superman outfit

I did nothing what so ever that had any link to anyone remotely resembling superman

I did not pretend to be a chicken and try to rob a bank

I never fixed a broken pen (OK I tried but it was futile)

I never did anything futile (AH DAMN AGAIN)

I did not see a submarine or a seagull

I did not sing old sea shanties at passers by

I did not deliberately avoid the cracks in the pavement (well not today)

And I did not sell any snow to penguins who might have been hanging about

I did not hang about

I did not write anything that might be considered remotely sensible by either that very nice Steven Spielberg or Mrs J K Rowling who its starting to think I'm mad

Neither Steven Spielberg or J K Rowling phoned me up to say . . . Nice Blog Rob, sorry about the injunction but you know what its like. . . . 

   

I was not bitten by a vampire bat or a Zombie

I never ate the tortoise. . . .Honest

I did not get wet

Anyway this as I have previously said is a very short abbreviated list of what I have not done today and I may tell you again at some time about what I have not done or I may not.

The Micro God of Beaches, ropes and locks

It has been a funny old day, the weather here was very overcast and sort of OK but not like yesterday or tomorrow (I have kicked the weather machines side panel) hot and sunny, and my day has sort of ticked along with the usual quantum physics and woodwork plus the rather more useful lesson of locksmithing,  and the skills of unlocking locks that prefer to remain locked. Of course this is a huge area of expertise because not only does it include the humble padlock but of course there are many unseen mathematical locks, things that appear to be physically locked to something by forces unknown.  

For example Miss I and Mr S have told me that they were unable to collect a huge rope from the beach because if was locked to the beach by fate and the Micro God of Beaches, and apparently it was also very heavy.

But using the great skills of Locksmithing it would be possible to untangle the forces that held the huge rope to the beach and transport it many miles to me, where I would look with wonder upon the huge rope while the massed masses looking would say WHAT EXACTLY ARE YOU GOING TO DO WITH THAT . . . . . . . . . And I would reply AH?

People do things like this all the time when folk stumble on artefacts of wonder which are of no practical use what so ever, they ask but what do you intend to do with it. But you see this is what makes us humans what we are, the ability to appreciate the great possibilities of completely useless items. Would my diary exist if it was an item of pure functionality with no need for the frivolity of imagination and unpractical reams of gobbledegook, you see my diary is just like this huge monster rope (Note Mr S’s shoes by the rope) of no practical use and frayed at the end. Well when I say of no practical use I lie as it is my long term memory,  well when I say long term I mean more that three days ago.

Farwell rope I hope the world treats you fairly and does not just string you along . . . . . . . . . .HAHAHAHHAH hahah ah ah haah hahha hah ah hahahhahah hahahah hahahahhah ahhah ahahhahahahaha

it’s a joke but Knot a good one  HaAHAHAHAH ah hah ah ah ah ha hah ah hah ah ah ha hah ah ha hah ah ah ah ahha a   

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The lost Penguins, more trenches and a possible yeti

OK I appear to have done something terrible tonight I have deleted my first draft of my diary entry for the day. I never rewrite my diary entry normally, I usually switch on the PC close my eyes and start typing then look and see what has happened. Only tonight I was not happy so I have started again and I am not writing all that again PHEW and the worse bit is all the correcting, I have said many times I am the worst speller and typist in the world and I mean it, so now you know that everything up to here is a rewrite and everything after here is not (yes yes there are two here’s or maybe three now).

Sorry about all that gore and the penguins what I was planning to say is the school said I have a skill that needs to be nurtured and developed and honed to perfection, so in order to develop this skill to its very best, they sent me outside to dig a trench. Well that’s not fair, but the headmaster says I dig better trenches than children three times my age; I did point out this meant they were not children but teachers. But he just said “exactly” and told me that even teachers can’t dig as good a trench as me. Of course its dads fault sending me out digging trenches everywhere, it is not normal for a young eccentric chap like myself to be out with a pickaxe, fork and a spade in deep muddy holes, it like being back in the eighteenth century again.

OK enough of this because it appears I may be saved from trenches in the next few days by a classic re-enactment of the film The Abominable Snowman just in case that nice Steven Spielberg fancies a bit of snow ice and more monsters and Zombies (sorry I mean yeti’s)  . . . . . . . . . . . Hang on Yeti that’s a Y word that could be useful.

Ooooo yes Miss I visited with Mr S, and then Miss I told her friend that Mr S was not well so she would not have to go out with X an Y and although Mr S was off work not well; was he that not well that Miss I had to stay at home . . . . . . . . this is a clear case of pink eyes and we all know what that means.

  

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I see a tall dark street light and many other things

So after getting up to go out I was confronted by the dog who stared into his crystal bone and said AH yes I see a tall dark street light. Then he said Hang on I see a journey SOUTH IN a car to visit a long lost relative who you have not seen for ages.  Well that is exciting, and then he said you will talk of many things and eat and drink tea and have a good time before you say . . . . it is time to go I need to get home. It was very impressive because it is exactly what happened, but although the dogs crystal ball certainly looks the part and the dog made me cross his paw with silver; all my silver as it happens. It was a little less impressive than it might appear because we had already made plans to visit my long lost relative last week so all in all the dog has run off with all my money again so that he can invest in Blockbuster and HMV shares. Yes rather risky indeed but the dog says that by looking into his crystal bone he has noted that it is less risky that it may at first appear. The reason being that it was all my money and not his . . . . . .. . . . That’s NOT FAIR.

Anyway it was really good to see Miss Anne and Mr Chris and we had a really good time and we hope to see then again soon to talk of other many things, the many things of which we did not get to talk of today because we were talking of many other things, and in the end there are only so many things you can talk about in one day.  What is good is that my long lost relative lives relatively close now after living not only a relatively long way away but also a very long way away.  It is a funny old would full of not nice things like the hole in the garden I will be told to jump into again in a days time that is full of mud wet and cold but every now and again something nice happens like today which is WELL COOL. . . . . 
  

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