Thursday, 22 March 2012

The Undead, Vampires and a gang of Unscrupulous Little Old Ladies

We have reached U and U know what that means I can use U instead of U (as in U and not me)……. Mum just said IDIOT, but I am not sure if she means me or U ……..Ah; it’s me not U apparently.

Today as I mentioned yesterday is the day of the Undead WELL COOL so we all went to school covered in white wash and Self Raising Flour, the Undead like self raising flour it helps them get out of their graves HAH AH HHAH HAH HAH HAH hah ah h hha hah hah hhahh ahah ha……. Mum said IDIOT again now.

On the school bus we all were going UuuuugHHH or is it UUuuuuaaaaagghhh at UNSUSPECTING UNDERGRADUATES from the rather utilitarian looking UNIVERSITY (which I have just made up in order to Use more U’s), and some Unemployed Union members who took umbrage and threw Umbrella’s in an Unadvisable Uncontrolled manner.  

When we got off the bus all seemed uneventful until a gang of unscrupulous little old ladies screamed at us saying it’s the unbelievers, the unseen, unkempt underclass’s known throughout the Universe as VAMPIRES.  What Vampires we are not Vampires until tomorrow, we did shout we are the Undead not Vampires but the little old ladies kept Shouting VAMPIRES, VAMPIRES, KILL the VAMPIRES. Unna from class UU17 said they were Unhinged (the little old ladies not the Undead) and they were ruining the letter U Unnecessarily. To which the little old ladies shouted Kill the Vampires. I can’t help but think when we turn up as Vampires tomorrow U will not see a single little old lady to shout Kill the Vampire. I just wish they had not thrown their Underwear at Us, that was Utterly Unmentionable (Ah I just did) and rather unfortunate.   

So after a then Uninspiring day in school where Esmeralda was hitting a lump of Uranium with a hammer to see if it would blow Up and the Cricket Umpire pointed out that Ursa Major was in the Upper Quarter which will lead to Utterances in the Undergrowth by the undertaker (I did not UNDERSTAND a word myself). I unsurprisingly headed home to the fading shouts of Kill the Vampires. I think I did hear one little old lady shout Kill the Umpire when her grandson was given LBW (Leg Before Wicket for those of U reading in the USA)

The Carpet is all finished now, a job well done although the dog ate the Underlay and some of the fitters UTENSILS but the dog is unconcerned…… As U will have guessed by now some of my Diary is Untrue, Unless it is; although that’s more unlikely.

Oooo Roast Unicorn for tea YUM, and I must try and fang (sorry find) my Vampire teeth for tomorrow. 



  1. W - I think it might have been okay to be sneaky and use a W - haha double U - on U day. So is tomorrow is V day, and I just realized that the letter X is like having two V's hooked together, just like W is like having two V's hooked together, but somebody in their wise-dom chose to call it double-U, perhaps they needed glasses? So that just leaves us calling X 'Double V', if we so choose. (I plan to use it sparingly until The Revolution, mainly at points in life I truly wish to cause confusion, usuaLLy for an ever so slight monetary advantage, i.e. my wife)

    1. X is often used to mark a spot and a V looks much like an arrow indicating a direction of movement so a double v where the points are pointing at each other would imply compression. Therefore X could represent a point of compression. So next time you have an X ray you will be able to ask how much compression does the ray produce as you not wish to be flat.

  2. I got to thinking about how V has in-fill-trated the ranks of our alphabet.

    A - a modified upside down V
    K - an I attached/attacked by a V
    M - conjoined V's inverted
    N - another I attached/attacked by a V
    T - a V after a terrible skiing accident
    Z - obviously N's unsoberish cousin