my first Christmas tip this year is don’t hide chocolate in a Badger set, or jelly babies or cheese.

It has been a very wet day indeed, so it is good to know our new wooden bungalow has not floated away down the fabled Minor Stream of Inconsequence which remained very minor, I think that because we are at the source of the fabled Minor Stream of Inconsequence it is unlikely to turn into a torrent unless the climate changes so much that Captain Nessman of the High Seas old sparring partner, Mr Gore will leap about going SEE SEEE I TOLD YOU Ha AH HAH HAHHA HAHAHAH HAHAH HAHAHAH HAH.

At which Point Captain Nessman will tie him to the anchor of his trusty pirate ship (that’s Captains Nessman pirate ship not Mr Gores) and as Captain Nessman of the High Seas would put it make Al kiss the Algae.

It is now two week until Christmas day and we have started to decorate the house, and one advantage of being where we are is there is loads of holy with berries on and conifer trees so plenty of greenery. One disadvantage of where we are is as dad said earlier where the hell are the Christmas Decorations, Christmas Lights and the rotating steam powered musical whistling Christmas tree with the fairy armadillo on the top that sings Waltzing Matilda like Rolf Harris. I think mum destroyed that when we move house but dad does not know that and mum said she I will be in trouble if dad finds out so not to write about it ……………. AH. Mum has said IDIOT again.

I would normally stash my Christmas presents in the cellar but this year we don’t have a cellar, the dog thought that the Badger set might do as a substitute but I have discovered it is fine for some items but not chocolate. So my first Christmas tip this year is don’t hide chocolate in a Badger set, or jelly babies or cheese.  My second tip would be do not try and get you’re rather nice vintage mature cheddar cheese back from a gang of badgers who have you surrounded in a badger set once they have got you’re cheese in their claws.