The Health and Safety man, the bonfire and the victims of the Ginger Phantom

We are back to normal now just? Me and the dog have been out having a bonfire, burning stuff. There were several bonfires around us today as we have seen plumes of smoke drifting across the valley. Dad says it is parents burning children after the Christmas break. I think he probably means that the parents are letting the children burn the Christmas rubbish.

Ah apparently not dad says No it is parents burning the children after Christmas, luckily mum said IDIOT so PHEW. The Health and Safety man has shouted from off screen (Page) now, saying that children are not allowed to play with cans of petrol, matches, piles of Christmas paper and bonfires.  Dad entirely disagrees, he thinks it is important for children to assess risk; it is why if you throw a small child down a ravine they tend to bounce rather than break bones. If you throw an old man down a ravine they break loads of bones, dad apparently has done loads of experiments on this and has proved it many times. I always wondered why he threw me down ravines when I was small but I have assessed the risk and now don’t leap down ravines (unless thrown by dad).

The result of all this is that all the children having bonfires today and throwing cans of petrol on them have assessed the risk and are all perfectly OK ………….. AH well MMMMM, still me and the dog are fine and Sooty the Cat was black anyway so a little charring will not be noticed.

Poor old Sooty and Heavy Harry the Cat are victims of the Ginger Phantom, a scary gingerish thing that moves at speed and with stealth and has long pointy claws and teeth and is a thing. I say thing because so far it has moved so fast know one has worked out what it is yet. The dog is convinced it has six legs and is muttering HA HA HA HARDY HAR CAT YUM. We will reserve judgement on that because I know what he is thinking; he is thinking Rusty the Steam Powered Robot Dog and it might be, but could Rusty the Steam Powered Robot Dog make it through a cat flap, even if it is quite a big cat flap. Bearing in mind Heavy Harry the Cat is not a small cat and has to fit through the cat flap.

OK that’s it I’m off now (as in going elsewhere not smelly ……….well not very smelly)