The Opening Ceremony of the Glasgow Commonwealth Games

Tonight sees the opening ceremony of the Glasgow Commonwealth Games, and it is hard to predict what sort of things we will see. OK yes we will see endless Athletes parade into the stadium waving and holding flags, in a short of Hey we are not aliens, we are from the Billybotan islands off Papua New Guinea. I know no one knows where that is and that is all part of the cunning trick used by the alien invaders.

Then it all kicks off with Commonwealth sort of based stuff, well when I say stuff I refer to the good bits not the bad bits from the past when folk did some seriously rotten things.

After that there will be much oooooing and Aahhhhing as Scotsmen leap about in kilts and huge inflatable Deep Fried Haggis float above the masses dressed in tartan and waving pointy sticks at the English (that’s the Scots not the inflatable Haggis) .

In fact the Scots are a friendly bunch and will be incredibly friendly to everyone saying things like You are my best mate, you are, or do you want another iron Bru and whisky, I’ve put a goldfish in it you’ll love it.

And there will be surprise visits as celebrity Scotsmen such as Sean Connery. . . Billy Connolly and the Krankies turn up . . . . . . Actually I think my invite may have got lost in the post, I can’t see them starting without sending a helicopter to get me.

Then there will be fireworks and possibly our first sighting of the huge Alien mother Spacecraft before the whole show winds down. Finally ending with free fish suppers all round and a fight (Glasgow is famous for the Glasgow Kiss so a fight is important). Then the Scots will shout   Yer bum’s oot the windae at the English and everyone starts fighting again