Thursday 24 April 2014

Umbrellas and Fish

The Greatest A to Z  
Aardvark based Nonsense Poetry in the World 





N
NEVER NIBBLE the toes of a NEWT
Or try to glue one inside your bosses boot
Because NEWTS you see have a NASTY streak
And will suck out your brains making your future bleak.

Yes NEWTS are clever
NEWTS have been known to bark
And it is a little known fact that they invented

The NEWTONIAN Aardvark


O
O dear said OSCAR as he dropped his pet OTTER
Into an ORIFICE made by a notorious Rotter
And although he tried to entice it with OCTOPUS livers 
It escaped OFF . . . . into the rivers
Because as we know
OTTERS are Tarka’s and not really givers.

(Tarka’s . . . .  Takers) HAH HAHAH AHH Ahah h hah ah ah hah h a hha ha ha haha ha ha ha.


P
PETER the PARROT is a PRICELESS bird
It can sing the Star Spangled Banner and impersonate the late Thora Hird
And if feeling PECKISH or can't think of the right word
It PRETENDS it’s the aardvark from Shakespeare’s play

Richard the Third.


Q
If you stand  . . . . . 
in a QUEUE . . . . . . . 
with a Gnu . . . . . . .
People will QUIETLY whisper . . . . . . .  
in a QUADRANGLE . . .  or two  . . 
Or QUIVER with fear and shout loudly. 
AuuuuuugggghhhhHH Shoo
Or throw bits of Aardvark . . . . . .  At the Smiling Gnu

And maybe at you.


R
ROUND the RUGGED ROCKS the RAGGED RASCAL RAN
Past a ROTUND RABBIT and a small bald RETIRED man
And as he passed a ROASTER that made a strange sound just like a bark.
He lost his concentration and tripped over an Aardvark. 

S   
The SLIMY SLIPPERY SERPENT SLIPS SILENTLY underneath the 
 . . . . . SIDEWALK

In the dark where man and beast get eaten by a grumpy old  
 . . . . .  Night Hawk

And little dogs run about and annoy pedestrians with their
 . . . . Barks

And every one will run and hide with the arrival of . . . . . . . . .

(Huge indomitable and fearsome man eating) 

 . . . . Aardvarks.


T
In the TINY TOWNS in  . . . . . .  
THE hills of TRANSYLVANIA
Is a beast THAT drives THE population mad 
And has become a world compulsive mania?
With is sharp pointy TEETH . . . . . . 
Sucking blood in THE dark
Everyone lives in fear of 
THE Vampire Aardvark.


 
Hanging Underneath Umbrellas 
You will find some ugly fish

Who think that they are bats 
Rather than a battered dish.

They think they are being clever 
Hiding from the multitude of sharks

But hiding in umbrellas 
Means they will be eaten by
Aardvarks



11 comments:

  1. Poor fish. Just when they think they are being smart, along comes that sneaky aardvark!

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    Replies
    1. I think this is the only blog on the A to Z that has mentioned Aardvarks, Fish and Umbrellas all in the same post.

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  2. I don't imagine umbrellas are particularly good for hiding fish. Aardvarks always know.

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    Replies
    1. Umbrellas are very useful during a rain of terror, although not for a fish.

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  3. When I saw it was going to be the letter U, I closed my eyes and wished and wished and wished and wished that hopefuLLy the word Unification was going to be included. Perhaps all my wishes made aLL the fishes appear. That sounds logical and would not be denyed if you asked an aardvark to reply.

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    Replies
    1. I not sure I can make unification rhyme with anything ? ? ?

      MMMMM

      We Dream of Uni-fic-ation
      to create the Worlds first
      Aardvark Na-tion.
      . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ..

      Why dont Aardvarks get cold

      The are full of Anti - Freeze . . . . .

      HAH AH AH HA HAH HA HA HAH AH hha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha h aha ha ha ha ha ha

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    2. Someone stole a hubcap from my car in a carpark today . . . . I was a little annoyed. . . The gods will judge their act of petty crime I think.....

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    3. I love your poem, died haha'ing. There is the possibility that hubcaps can come off if they aren't put back on completely after tire repairs - had any of these lately? Most of my current vehicles have wheels without hubcaps by design. I am fixing to get new tires for my Ford truck.

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    4. I was thinking of installing constant video surveilance for my vehicle from inside the cab. We have had too many bad incidents lately in our business neighborhood.

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  4. Fish thinking they are bats… the true scourge of our times. People think it's rampant drug use or wars, but it isn't. It's batfish.

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    Replies
    1. Were they fast? If so, maybe Putin launched GMO rushin' batfish. I tried finding the Russian word for batfish and had no luck, which seems to confirm my suspicions that Putin is behind it.

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