Umbrellas and Fish

The Greatest A to Z  

Aardvark based Nonsense Poetry in the World 

N

NEVER NIBBLE the toes of a NEWT

Or try to glue one inside your bosses boot

Because NEWTS you see have a NASTY streak

And will suck out your brains making your future bleak.

Yes NEWTS are clever

NEWTS have been known to bark

And it is a little known fact that they invented

The NEWTONIAN Aardvark

O

O dear said OSCAR as he dropped his pet OTTER

Into an ORIFICE made by a notorious Rotter

And although he tried to entice it with OCTOPUS livers 

It escaped OFF . . . . into the rivers

Because as we know

OTTERS are Tarka’s and not really givers.

(Tarka’s . . . .  Takers) HAH HAHAH AHH Ahah h hah ah ah hah h a hha ha ha haha ha ha ha.

P

PETER the PARROT is a PRICELESS bird

It can sing the Star Spangled Banner and impersonate the late Thora Hird

And if feeling PECKISH or can't think of the right word

It PRETENDS it’s the aardvark from Shakespeare’s play

Richard the Third.

Q

If you stand  . . . . . 

in a QUEUE . . . . . . . 

with a Gnu . . . . . . .

People will QUIETLY whisper . . . . . . .  

in a QUADRANGLE . . .  or two  . . 

Or QUIVER with fear and shout loudly. 

AuuuuuugggghhhhHH Shoo

Or throw bits of Aardvark . . . . . .  At the Smiling Gnu

And maybe at you.

R

ROUND the RUGGED ROCKS the RAGGED RASCAL RAN

Past a ROTUND RABBIT and a small bald RETIRED man

And as he passed a ROASTER that made a strange sound just like a bark.

He lost his concentration and tripped over an Aardvark. 

S   

The SLIMY SLIPPERY SERPENT SLIPS SILENTLY underneath the 
 . . . . . SIDEWALK

In the dark where man and beast get eaten by a grumpy old  
 . . . . .  Night Hawk

And little dogs run about and annoy pedestrians with their
 . . . . Barks

And every one will run and hide with the arrival of . . . . . . . . .

(Huge indomitable and fearsome man eating) 

 . . . . Aardvarks.

T

In the TINY TOWNS in  . . . . . .  

THE hills of TRANSYLVANIA

Is a beast THAT drives THE population mad 

And has become a world compulsive mania?

With is sharp pointy TEETH . . . . . . 

Sucking blood in THE dark

Everyone lives in fear of 

THE Vampire Aardvark.

U  

Hanging Underneath Umbrellas 

You will find some ugly fish

Who think that they are bats 

Rather than a battered dish.

They think they are being clever 

Hiding from the multitude of sharks

But hiding in umbrellas 

Means they will be eaten by

Aardvarks.