The Alphabet from Aardvarks to Zombies . . . (A to Z)

The Greatest A to Z  

Aardvark based Nonsense Poetry in the World 

A

Poetry is easy . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . or so some say

So through the Alphabet . . . . . .I will play

Starting right here . . . here with the letter A

And a rather silly nonsense poem, to end the day.

So to the distant sound of a mad dogs bark.

I’ll start at the start with thee Aardvark.

AH

DAMN.

B

The Bee and the Bear met a Beaver

Who looked rather aggressive with a large meat cleaver?

He shouted be gone, Back off, and leave me Be

I’m busy chopping down, this Big tree.

So the bee he Buzzed and the Bear he growled

And a Banshee somewhere Behind them howled

And that then made the mad dog Bark

Then what turned up but another Aardvark

AH

DAMN (again)

C

Here we are by the C

All blue and wavy and a little wet maybe

With Caterpillars Cute and Cudl-eeeee. . . . . (No its not Cheating)

And we all run about on the Count of three.

As Crabs and Catfish play in the bay

Or so the gnarled old Seadogs do say

But Seadogs are mad and tend to bark

Arousing the monstrous Sea Aardvark

O NO

AAAAauuuuuuuuuuugggghhhHHHHH

D

Did the Dodo Die out or was it a Deception

To avoid meeting Great Danes at a posh reception

Because all they do is shout and bark

So is Dodo is now Disguised as a smallish Aardvark

And does your Dog get up with the lark

And chase sticks about in the park

And is it mad and tend to Bark

Annoying the park keepers trusty old and loyal Aardvark

E

When an Elephant meets an Electric Eel

There is bound to be a noisy squeal

As one beast gets squashed by the others heel

And  . . . . . . .

Creates a huge ten thousand volt Arc

Which is the sort of voltage that will make a dog bark

Or light up they eyes of an adult Aardvark.

Out in the deserts of his favourite park.

F

They say it’s the Fault of the barking dog

That made the Frogs Flee into the Fog

And made the Fishermen turn to grog

While Flying Fish flutter over a Floating log

And Yet

The constant sound of mad dogs Barks

Results in the thundering hoofs of stampeding Aardvarks  

G

Always look closely at an F or G

Just in case it should be the image of thee

With a sacrifice of Goat and toasted Ghee

While witch doctors dance round . . . . . .  the sacred tree.

Shaking gourds  . . . . . . .

And Grannies old Knee

And it’s good to know if ghouls creep about in the dark

Your faithful dog always loudly barks

Alerting a flock of man eating Aardvarks

Who will eat the ghouls just for larks

Gosh

H

Henry is having a long chat with Horris

Because Harold has chopped off the head of Boris

And all because he was naughty with Doris

Although Doris’s dog has a terrible bark

Which Harold would wind up just for a lark

Then strangely one night while out in the dark

An ironic twist occurred near the pond in the park

When Harold had his head chewed off by a large aardvark 

. . . . . . . . . . called Henry

I

There once was an invisible imaginary imp

Who rode through the ocean on an interesting indigo shrimp

.

.

.

Impossible

I think.  . . . . . . . .  . . . . . . . . .

Said an Aardvark

In a sink

J

Jack and Jill when to Jail

For stealing Jewels from the Royal Mail

Which made their little dog start to bark

But it was chased away by the jailer’s aardvark.

K

The King was Kalled because his Kat was Killed

Katching kippers with a jug it filled.

Full of toast and cheese and well known Chinese remarks.

And the ancient claws of ceremonial Aardvarks

L

Never laugh at a lazy llama

It will only end in Legal drama

With LawyerS making loads of cash.

As they sue you for being incredibly rash.

And never let your dog bark in court

If you want to ensure the Aardvark is sought

As it scurries through the corridors of the power

To make its nest in the ivory tower

M

No one likes a large Monstrous Mole.

A really huge one that will dig a large and rather Monstrous Hole.

Destroying your lawns equilibrium and it majestic dynamic Flow.

Before it chases your dog and aardvarks,

Through the white winter Snow.

 N

Never nibble the toes of a newt

Or try to glue one inside your bosses boot

Because Newts you see have a Nasty streak

And will suck out your brains making your future bleak.

Yes newts are clever

Newts have been known to bark

And it is a little known fact that they invented

The Newtonian Aardvark

O

O dear said Oscar as he dropped his pet Otter

Into an Orifice made by a notorious Rotter

And although he tried to entice it with Octopus livers 

It escaped off . . . . into the rivers

Because as we know

Otters are Tarka’s and not really givers.

(Tarka’s . . . .  Takers) HAH HAHAH AHH Ahah h hah ah ah hah h a hha ha ha haha ha ha ha.

O

I know

You are wondering where

The Aardvark

Did go

It fell in an O’LLLLLL . . . . . . ?

 P

Peter the parrot is a priceless bird

It can sing the Star Spangled Banner and impersonate the late Thora Hird

And if feeling peckish or cant think of the right word

It pretends it’s the aardvark from Shakespeare’s play

Richard the Third.

Q

If you stand  . . . . . in a queue . . . . . . . with a Gnu

People will quietly whisper . . . . . . .  in a quadrangle . . .  or two

Or quiver with fear and shout loudly AuuuuuugggghhhhHH Shoo

Or throw bits of Aardvark . . . . . .  At the Smiling Gnu

And maybe at you.

R

ROUND the RUGGED ROCKS the RAGGED RASCAL RAN

Past a ROTUND RABBIT and a small bald RETIRED man

And as he passed a ROASTER that made a strange sound just like a bark.

He lost his concentration and tripped over an Aardvark. 

S   

The SLIMY SLIPPERY SERPENT SLIPS SILENTLY underneath the 
 . . . . . SIDEWALK

In the dark where man and beast get eaten by a grumpy old  
 . . . . .  Night Hawk

And little dogs run about and annoy pedestrians with their
 . . . . Barks

And every one will run and hide with the arrival of . . . . . . . . .

(Huge indomitable and fearsome man eating) 

 . . . . Aardvarks.

T

In the TINY TOWNS in  . . . . . .  

THE hills of TRANSYLVANIA

Is a beast THAT drives THE population mad 

And has become a world compulsive mania?

With is sharp pointy TEETH . . . . . . 

Sucking blood in THE dark

Everyone lives in fear of 

THE Vampire Aardvark.

U  

Hanging UNDERNEATH UMBRELLAS 

You will find some UGLY fish

Who think that they are bats 

Rather than a battered dish.

They think they are being clever 

Hiding from the multitude of sharks

But hiding in UMBRELLAS 

Means they will be eaten by

Aardvarks.

V

There have been a VERITABLE multitude of beasts

 in the VISION of my VERSE.

But some will think my nonsense poetry

is rather more a curse.

And most will say it is poetry, 

which is full of  . . . . . . . . Impropriety.

Well everyone . . . .  with one exception . . . . . . . . . . . .

The Welsh Aardvark Appreciation Society. 

.
W

If you live in darkest WALES

You will be used to dragons with scaly scales

That have long and pointed pointy tails

A land WHERE the WIND and rain it never fails

WHICH is WHY

As hard as you might try

You will never spy

An Aardvark . . . . . . . With your beady eye.

X

O dear we have arrived at X

Meaning we must mention the terrible Tyrannosaurus Rex

The fearsome beast from the past doth . . . .Hark

Till it choked to death on a large . . . . . . . . . . Aardvark

Phew made it past the tricky letter . . . . (OK there was not a lot of X’s in that)

Things can now only get (slightly) better . . . . .Maybe?

Y

WHY WHY WHY WHY  . . . .I hear you say

WHY not Y instead of WHY today

And WHY have Aardvarks from Z to A.

WHY?

Because Aardvarks you see must have their say

And so as down the alphabet we do transcend

It appears we have now nearly

Reached

The

END

But not quite.

YET

Z

Have you ever been to the Zoo

And noticed signs saying  . . . . . .Please avoid the Aardvark Poo

This is good advice and something you really should do

Because if you don’t . . . . . . .  it will stick like glue

And result in the throwing away

Of your favourite shoe.

So this is it we have reached the END

But did you know that Zombies . . . . .  are the Aardvarks Friend

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Let sleeping Aardvarks lie. . . 

Thank You for Reading . . . .