Monday, 21 April 2014


The Greatest A to Z  
Aardvark based Nonsense Poetry in the World 

The King was Kalled because his Kat was Killed
Katching kippers with a jug it filled.
Full of toast and cheese and well known Chinese remarks.
And the ancient claws of ceremonial Aardvarks

It will only end in LEGAL drama
With LAWYERS making LOADS of cash.
As they sue you for being incredibly rash.
And never LET your dog bark in court
If you want to ensure the Aardvark is sought
As it scurries through the corridors of the power
To make its nest in the ivory tower

No one likes a large MONSTROUS MOLE.

A really huge one that will dig a large and rather MONSTROUS HOLE.

Destroying your lawns equilibrium and it MAJESTIC dynamic Flow.

Before it chases your dog and aardvarks,

Through the white winter Snow.

NEVER NIBBLE the toes of a NEWT
Or try to glue one inside your bosses boot
Because NEWTS you see have a NASTY streak
And will suck out your brains making your future bleak.

Yes NEWTS are clever
NEWTS have been known to bark
And it is a little known fact that they invented

The NEWTONIAN Aardvark

O dear said OSCAR as he dropped his pet OTTER
Into an ORIFICE made by a notorious Rotter
And although he tried to entice it with OCTOPUS livers 
It escaped OFF . . . . into the rivers
Because as we know
OTTERS are Tarka’s and not really givers.

(Tarka’s . . . .  Takers) HAH HAHAH AHH Ahah h hah ah ah hah h a hha ha ha haha ha ha ha.

I know
You are wondering where
The Aardvark
Did go

It fell in an O’LLLLLL . . . . . . ?

It can sing the Star Spangled Banner and impersonate the late Thora Hird
And if feeling PECKISH or can't think of the right word
It PRETENDS it’s the aardvark from Shakespeare’s play

Richard the Third.

If you stand  . . . . . 
in a QUEUE . . . . . . . 
with a Gnu . . . . . . .
People will QUIETLY whisper . . . . . . .  
in a QUADRANGLE . . .  or two  . . 
Or QUIVER with fear and shout loudly. 
AuuuuuugggghhhhHH Shoo
Or throw bits of Aardvark . . . . . .  At the Smiling Gnu

And maybe at you.

The lesser Spotted Bat Winged Aardvark

Round the rugged rocks the ragged rascal ran
Past a rotund rabbit and a small bald retired man
And as he passed a roaster that made a strange sound just like a bark.
He lost his concentration and tripped over an Aardvark. 

(A Lesser Spotted Bat Winged Aardvark)


  1. That's probably the most interesting type of Aardvark so far. Can't wait to read the full thing once you get to Z.

    1. I think the next couple of letters are the hard ones, folk have had enough and there is still a way to go yet. An interesting Aardvark can only help slightly.

  2. I don't think I've complimented you enough on the artwork that has ben accompanying these poems. They really are great.

    1. I feel I need to have original art on my blog to avoid conflicts with other folk. I am sure they dont look as good in the flesh . . . . unlike my self.

  3. I need to make a trip over to South Dakota soon. I wiLL watch for aardvarks. If I see four aardvarks I wiLL check to see if their watches are Rolexes. If aany of them are divorced I see what role their exes had in allowing them to keep their eXpensive time pieces. Then I wiLL come home.

    I just realized today that Amarillo sits veRy close to directly below the eastern border of Colorado. That is my day so far.

    1. I did notice that someone stole the A-J portion of your poem! I would suspect people who went by the initials A.J., like four time Indianapolis 500 winner A.J. Foyt.

      I noticed there is a 'will' missing from my previous comment. Sorry. They say that where there is a will there is a way. So I am now wondering: If there is a missing will, is there also a missing way?

    2. AH yes I have removed the A J part of my poem in order to reduce its overall length physically. I will reassemble it all at Z.

      I have always found if there is a missing will there is always a family dispute over who was left the the expensive things that Uncle Fred told everyone individually they could have. . . .

      Tip of the Day is . . . . always make a will even if you plan to live another 50+ years... and then insure it is kept up to date.

      That concludes Tip of the Day brought to you by Myself and Mr ESB....

  4. Very alphabetical and adventurous. I am quite fond of the lesser spotted batwinged aardvark. Well spotted.

    1. AH Yes the Well spotted one is

      The Greater Spotted Batwinged Aardvark, which is a bit bigger and nests in the top of pine trees

  5. I suspect you are reusing drawings. Why I recognize the Pirate from years past and that Aardvark while undeniably kick-ass is clearly from yesterday's post. RRRRahaha

    1. It is true that I have used the Aardvark picture twice, but the pirate was drawn for the letter R. I have drawn a few pirates over time but this is the first one I had to draw on the back of my garage bill while waiting in a hospital.....

      Ye cant have to Many Pirates HAR HAR HAR