Saturday, 10 August 2013
The Perils of life as a Parrot.
It appears that Sam the Parrot has been stolen from his home at Harry Tuffins Superstore in Churchstoke which may not seem like devastating news, but around here he is known to almost everyone, partly because he shouts at you when you enter the supermarket. In the old days he was free range and would laugh and bounce about as he snipped another finger off some unsuspecting small child, well he is a parrot after all.
Now there are some thefts in the world of crime that are just seen as bad form such as stealing from small children and little old ladies, as Benny Neckbender would say ITS not right stealing stuff from someones granny and such things are frowned on badly by decent upstanding criminals. However one of the lowest of the lows in this world of moral conflicts is stealing a mans parrot, since the days of pirates on the high seas it has been taboo to steal parrots and will result in bad karma (like seriously bad Karma). So if you are reading this and have a nicked parrot then I would say best to hand it back or Napoleon Beelzebub will be turning up saying WHOSE A pretty boy then something you really don’t want to hear from Satan.
The Ghost Writer however has a different theory, well he has two . .. . the first is :-
Not so long ago the Co-op took over the supermarket but not the whole of the building, so could not get rid of the parrot, It is not in keeping with the multinational corporate image they like to portray to the masses and so they have hired a hit man to bump off the parrot. Possibly the famous hit man known to the world as, The Jackdaw like in the Movie……The Day of the Jackdaw.
The second theory is:-
Late at night in the dark; Harry Tuffins Superstore was in fact broken into by aliens. Since the store was empty there was no one to communicate with in the dark as they grabbed provisions then a voice said TAKE ME to your leader, well we all know Sam the Parrot loves to talk but saying take me to your leader to an Alien is foolish indeed. So Sam will be on an Alien Spacecraft somewhere.
Ooooo yes there is one further point to make and that is this is not the first time Sam has been stolen but last time the thieves were caught when Sam told the pet shop owner they were trying to sell him too that he was in fact Sam the Parrot and needed some help pronto.