We are talking aliens today because I have
discovered they have already arrived and are hiding in conifer trees and lots
of them too (aliens). As you know a bit back we had two large trees cut down,
one some sort of spruce tree with spiky leaves and long cones and then the
other, some sort of regular conifer tree. The spruce had a critter called
spruce aphid, which I believe is green with red eyes which we were told was
killing the tree off. The other was just in the wrong place and too big.
Today I have been continuing the bonfire I
started yesterday; I love it when they are still glowing the following day. But
as I was moving the mounds of conifer cutting and throwing them all on the
bonfire I notice movement on the ground, THINGS? There were loads of them; I
really mean loads as in loads…. Ok they were not big but I thought the best
thing to do was try and get a photo and do a zoom job to get a good look at
these strange things and…………………. ALIENS we have been invaded by aliens so don’t
panic just stay away from conifers…… No best to PANIC
So here is my theory on
these small things, wriggling about on mass on the ground and falling out of
the branches as I tried to carry them to the bonfire.
I have previously
mentioned that from time to time I have thought I have seen nano-space craft,
this may seem odd to one or two of you who are thinking why send a tiny
spacecraft to a planet; what is the point. Well a tiny spacecraft needs much
less energy to escape gravity so can be powered by a sub atomic particle engine
which will allow it to travel close to the speed of light, because of its small
physical size. So a tiny spacecraft can travel fast and on much less energy and
arrive on an alien planet discretely. Lets face it, a huge thing with flashing
lights and twenty foot monsters in silver suits is a bit of a give away.
So in order to take over a
planet you need a way of transferring alien DNA into the bodies and minds of
the local planets life forms. Mmmmmmm… So what is the best way to do this……. Well I would say a small tiny worm like
critter that can bore into the body of its host then mutate the host using a
secret DNA transfer process, which turns the unsuspecting host into a huge
twenty foot monster in a silver suit.
It was therefore decided
we needed a plan to thwart the aliens and this is what was voted for by a
majority verdict with one objection (me). Everyone would lock themselves in the
house with the windows closed and I would throw the entire conifer on the fire
as fast as possible, but I had to wear gloves. Then I can sleep in the shed for
a few days to see if I turn into an alien…… NOT FAIR….. I don’t want to be a
huge twenty foot monster in a silver suit (actually it sounds quite cool)…….
Mum just said IDIOT.
Ooooooo I didn’t quite get it all burnt either,
because I ran out of steam, something that would not happen if I was twenty
foot high……. Mum said IDIOT again
.
When I first came to earth, don't remember at the moment if it was 1926 or 1927, as a space alien I think I looked veRy much like your pest, only I was fairly invisible, I think its what you young humans caLL trains aunt lucy, no sorry, trains lucy aunt. For some reason I don't remember eXact numbers weLL until after my second cup of coffee, which is paradoxical because if I don't do numbers weLL, how do I know eXactly how many scoops of coffee to put in the brewer, or even if it is cup number two of brew? Perhaps it is a good thing my friend Alberto Uno Stein made that formula for me, E=MC2, which plainly and clearly means, "Ernest, when you want to Make Coffee up to the second (2) mark on the carafe (=), use twice as much."
ReplyDeleteWell,in the light of events Mr ESB I think Blogger have sussed you might be an ALIEN and are doing their best to make life as difficult as possible they are a bit funny about aliens... But you are also an important member of RATs so together we can fight back.... After a strong coffee
DeleteI always knew the aliens would be here one day. I've taken your advice, and started to panic straight away. In fact in a minute I'm going to run out into the street screaming to everyone; I've found that this is the best way to get other people panicking as well!
ReplyDeleteThank you Miss Laura it is very kind of you to panic and run screaming into the street, but they (the general public) may think you are mad. Sadly the general view is that conifers are not full of aliens (even though they are) so best to scream quietly and say you are being chased by anteaters......
DeleteWow! Something OR someone OR both doesn't like me. My comments are disappearing from blogs. I first noticed it on Gweenbrick, and now the one I put here earlier disappeared - I even took a snapshot of it right after I published it, so I have proof, and your garden variety paranoia.
ReplyDeleteIf you would like me to leave a comment on anyone's Blog to check their span box Mr ESB, let me know
DeleteJeez Mr Z, your garden seems to be the Galapagos Isle for insects!
ReplyDeleteThe Lil man and I did spy on our walk yesterday, a creature so fat and round but moving at such an incredible speed, that we could only conclude that it was wearing tiny insect roller skates.
Oh and I'm getting a bit worried about your pyromaniac tendencies lately.
There are many more creatures and insects in our garden than it may appear from the blog. It is living out in the sticks next to a wood and a very small stream passing just behind the garden. The result is a million eyes are watching us from every crevice.
DeleteNot sure what the fat round creature was, definitely not me though.
And I have always loved a good bonfire. I have not had one today as I rather smoked all the locals out of their homes, with the bonfire in the diary entry above...