Thursday 7 February 2013

Badgers, Big Mac's and Chillies, home alone with a Pizza


It’s a funny old world at times there I was eating my Pizza and pondering about whether if I placed a needle in the centre and span it like a top it would allow me to sprinkle an even coating of chilli flakes on my Pizza, It sounded easy enough but in practice did not work at all well because to get the pizza to spin in a stable fashion involved it rotating at a speed that meant most of the topping  flew off, resulting in a bit of a mess which despite blaming on the cats got me into a bit of bother. Anyway that is as the saying goes by the by, why does the saying go ‘by the by’ it makes no sense to me what so ever.

As I was finishing the last of my pizza everyone announced that they were all off to The GUILD of GROTESQUES and GARGOYLES for the night and have left me home alone, well I say home alone but there are two cats staring at me who are not happy because firstly I blamed them for the Pizza spinning miscalculation and secondly because they are covered in cheese and chilli flakes.  When you live out in the wilds surrounded by wild country foxes and badgers it is not particularly streetwise to go out exploring in the woods when you smell of cheese chilli and Pizza because to a wild beast these are smells that are worth pursuing at all costs.  There is many an evening when Mr Jones the Alien hunter has had his Big Mac eaten by badgers as he hides in the bushes, he says, he has had more run ins with badgers than the police and both pinch his Big Mac’s although only the badgers eat the polystyrene carton too.



In general, today was yet again very quiet, Esmeralda is excused school until she is no longer bright green. Her attempt to go to buy her own Big Mac last night was a bit of a disaster first the staff thought she was a Martian because she was bright green, so screamed a lot and ran about so would not serve her. Then Mr Jones who has established that a Big Mac will always help in communicating with Aliens bought Esmeralda her Big Mac. But then Mr Jones does have a habit of hunting Aliens naked. So he then found himself in the police station trying to explain why he was buying bright green aliens Big Macs with no clothes on while a policeman ate Mr Jones Big Mac. As for Esmeralda she had sort of borrowed the A level project Invisibility Cloak and was able to make her escape although sadly Freddie’s ferret got wind of her Big Mac and ate it while she was being distracted by a badger and still in shock from a naked alien hunter leaping about in front of her with two Big Mac’s.

I’m really sorry not much is happening at present maybe once the sun turns up and it is warm again things will be less boring……… at this rate I will be discussing a fly walking up a window. As it happens that is a bit odd because a fly will fly into a window presumably because it can’t see the window, so why then does it walk on something it can’t see. And if it can see the window to walk on it, then it should not fly into it.


  
.

8 comments:

  1. Before he became completely unhinged, the lil man once asked that if flies didn't have wings, would they be called 'walks.'

    As for Esmeralda, no female should have to face the trauma of a naked man flashing his big macs at them. Hope that she is over the shock. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes my blog is a family friendly blog and Mr Jones leaping about waving his Big Mac's at Esmeralda is a bit of a worry, however it would be so much worse if I had written.

      Big Mac was standing naked waving his Mr Jones at Esmeralda . . . . . . AH DAMN I just wrote that DAMN. If you are a child please avert your gaze now....YICKS.

      Delete
    2. Hahaha! As The lil man would say, I was highly amused by that.

      Delete
  2. I have been busy with math today doing research on Mersenne Prime Numbers, eXperi-mental eXcitement.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Mr ESB . . . . I am sure it is good for the brain to do such things but well I may avoid googling that just in case my head explodes... But good luck

      Delete
    2. I wiLL a report on my blog later. I agree, we don't need your head eXploding, might be a bit messy but eXciting for zombies.

      Delete
    3. Quite agree about the Zombies. I will be watching your blog for complex things I don't understand.

      Delete
    4. I took a break from my studies and research in order to go rescue my friend Jim electricaLLy. His recently purchased vehicle needed some jumper cables. So I wandered to the diner where Jesus and I have been discussing a huge variety of topics. I am only drinking coffee so it is much easier to chat. I should probably go home and cook something. There is a Creedance Clearwater Revival song playing just ever so slightly audible above the kitchen noise and customers. Chaosity.

      Delete