I have arrived at my diary but as yet have
not decided what to write about because I spent much time drumming earlier and
although African drumming is very good for you the one thing you can’t do it
contemplate the text of an eccentric diary while drumming. We created some new
drum beats tonight though but I did not record any of them, which means that
they will now be lost for ever, as we never remember what we played last time
when we meet up. I have also had to deal
with the stress and strains of a mad Ghost Writer who has hidden under my bed
saying that there is Microsoft technology chasing him and he needs to hide from
it after a day long battle of wits to install certain software on certain Pc’s
for certain people in a certain place leading to an uncertain conclusion. And
apparently he has to go and learn how to use a fangled new database that sounds
like a dog’s name next week so he can show other folk how to use it. As he says
no one in their right mind would get him to show other people how to use
anything on a computer because he is left handed and hits computers with frozen
food. In particular CHIPS . . . .. . . .
. . . .HAH HAHHAH HAH HAH HAH HAH AH hah ha hah hha hah ah ha hahh ah ah hah ah
ah ahahh ahah ahah.
I was doing IT as well
today at school it appears that it is very important and everyone should know
how to deal with modern technology or we are all doomed, as technology is the
future of the world. I did say to the IT teacher that technology is
fundamentally flawed and that it has one weakness that means it will never take
over as has been predicted in many a film or book, but he said it was a very
likely possibility that it might. However it was easy to prove him wrong by
nipping down to the caretakers office and prodding the main fuse box with a
garden spade which meant that I was able to perform some simple quantum physics
on the back of a postcard and the IT teachers main server remained as silent as
the school goat who was feeling a little ill after accidentally eating several
green polyester jumpers in the out of town supermarket after they moved stuff
about to confuse the punters, the goat getting spring cabbage and polyester
confused, easily done.
Why do supermarkets do
stuff (move things about) like that all it does is start fights among the
shoppers as the meander aimlessly and get grumpy because they cant find the
bacon or cheese or ice cream or polyester jumpers. The one thing I have noticed
that does not ever move about is pet food, but apparently there are reasons for
this relating to the science of customer psychology in retail environments
according to the science teacher, there are some things you just don’t do……..
.
I don't blame the poor Ghost Writer for hiding under the bed. I'm not computer savvy at all and if I had to do all that, I would be hiding away as well. Although I'm quite good at putting up shelves, fixing, washing machines and putting flat pack furniture together. And I can wrestle a bear with my bare (bear?) hands.
ReplyDeleteThe reason why they move things around in supermarkets, is so that in order to find what you want, you have to circumnavigate the whole of the store. This brings you to the attention of items that you would never otherwise have looked for and you end up buying stuff that you wouldn't normally see and which you probably don't really need. (I use to work in a supermarket in my younger days...which was only a couple of years ago...ahem) :)
I still think supermarkets do all this moving stuff about to create amusing CCTV for the Christmas party, I can see them now laughing and pointing at us customers as they eat and drink the out of date whisky and Quality Street chocolates in the warehouse after closing time (the 5th Jan). . . . .It must be tough working in supermarkets over Christmas open 24 hours a day as we all stock up ready for the end of life as we know it, I don't blame then for taking revenge.
DeleteI think the stores don't move their things to other shelves. I think it is a version of plate tectonics where chunks of the store slide around to other spots - for awhile.
ReplyDeleteMaybe it would be a good idea to start a company called Tectonic Plates, making dinner plates then we could use the slogan 'Tectonic Plates will make your food shift faster'. If stores did devise a way to make shelves shift about as you shopped it would be like a strange game of hunt the peas . . . . .
DeleteI am at lunch and Jesus wanted to congratulate Swansea for winning something. I believe it was football.
DeleteI made Jesus smile today. I was in charge of the remote control for the teleBision at the diner and had switched it over to the Discovery Channel. The show caLLed Myth Busters came on, and I told him they ought to have a show where guys run around with flyswatters caLLed "Moth Busters" - he grinned and said, "That's ridiculous!" HaH HaH HaH HaH (I tried to make make my HaH's look moth-like.)
DeleteIf I meet anyone from Swansea I will pass on the congratulations from Texas, they will not expect that.
DeleteIt might sound a little mad but once a very long time ago a friend and I pretended to be moths flying round a bright light in someone's garden along with a lot of real moths. Those who were there with us also said "That's ridiculous!" . . . .and those are a good attempt at a moth like HaH
OiO is also moth like but less Ha like
Supermarkets are bizarre, self-contained worlds where the laws of physics no longer apply. They built my local Tesco on stilts, meaning you have to go up an escalator to get into the store. It also has a family of pigeons living inside who flew in and couldn't find the way back out. They've been there since before Christmas. What are they eating?
ReplyDeleteMaybe the pigeons are trying to take over the supermarket in some sort of cooooo . . . . . . . . . AH HHAH HAH HAH HAH HAH AHHHAH HHAH HA HAH HA HAHH AH AH HAH HAH hh ha hah ah haha hah hahahahahhah ahaha h aha hah hhah hahah hahah hahhah ahhah ah ahaha hhahahah ahahahah
DeleteThe pigeons are probably eating horse and beef-radish sauce (sorry I mean horseradish).
There should be massive sign just by the entrance of supermarkets that says "WE DRIVE ON LEFT, WHY SHOULD YOUR TROLLEY BE DIFFERENT?" and they could employ clampers to clamp anyone who leaves their shopping in the middle of the aisle when they looking for beans or what ever.
ReplyDeleteI take it upon myself to helpfully move their trollies to the next aisle and put things in they might need like and lubricants or handfulls of oxo cubes. I'm a good boy like that.
I do agree Mr H I find that trolley etiquette among the masses is not great and little gangs of people with trolleys chatting in the busiest spot in the store can be a little annoying too.
DeleteI can also finally stop seeing the shrink on Thursday afternoons now at £137 an hour as I have just discovered that all this time I have not secretly been having uncontrollable subconscious erotic thoughts about oxo cubes when I go to supermarkets . . . . .PHEW