Saturday, 22 September 2012

HOW TO OUT STARE A ZOMBIE and Other Creatures

Saturday and it has been moderately quiet although there was some evidence that a man in designer sunglasses pretending to read a crumpled newspaper in a fairly nondescript silver car was spying on us. He was parked in the only place that it is possible to see anything in our house and we think we have seen him before. As some of you will know we have had problems with MI6 and the CIA in the past and those designer sunglasses are always a dead cert giveaway of government agents.

I have however had more important things on my mind today because there is a rumour that the Biology teacher who is now a zombie will be back at school next week, apparently it turns out there is nothing in the schools contract with its teachers that states the teacher can not be a zombie provided they can teach the curriculum to an adequate standard.  Now I don’t know a lot about zombies but one of the more important things I remember is you must be able to outstare them or it is curtains for everyone . . . . . . the so called Zombie Apocalypse

With it being a quiet day I have been practicing the art of out staring a zombie, it takes nerves of steel to do this and so the only way to start is to practice with the one creature that is even more difficult to outstare. But which will not eat your brains or rip your arm off or even stumble about in a random and incomprehensible way, Ok they do move about in a   random and incomprehensible way, certainly a way that most men do not understand….. Yes we are talking Dairy Cows they have an ability to stare at you that makes it very difficult to  maintain eye contact for more than a few seconds. Anyway by the end of the day I think I have mastered this almost completely obsolete skill and feel confident that I will now survive being taught by a Zombie biology teacher. I have a suspicion we may be doing even more dissection than we do now and I have been told that we already are 287% above the national average as well as the only school to dissect horses and antelope in the UK.

As part of my continuing attempt to reassure the doubters of my diary that this is a genuine diary, I decided to video my final victory over the cow in the  how to out stare a zombie practice run. I also recommend that you all go out and stare at cows or else the zombies will get you…

You have been warned 

My video of cow staring


  1. Hmm.. something is wrong with my internets. It wouldn't suprise me if a cow was involved.

    I hate cows. really really do.

    I managed 29 seconds before I buckled.

    I would punch a cow in the face if i had to.

    1. I have notice several problems in windows based operating systems with Norton based antivirus in the last week or so. I think some sort of glitch has happened. I have changed antivirus to something else and did a restore to an earlier date on my pc and I appear to be OK again. . . . .

    2. I think the cows are having problems too at present