Wednesday, 5 September 2012

A rolling head gathers no moose, or two heads are better than one


So here we are the start of yet another diary year three, it is amazing how time flies past. And today was the start of school again, it is strange but it is starting to feel like I have been at this school forever. It is one of those new academies now so it means everyone will get much better exam results and look neat and tidy. Well almost everybody, it appears I am banned from meeting the media and any photo shots on the grounds that I am a reminder of what was bad in the old school. So I am no longer allowed to invite zombies and banshees into the playground without written permission from the head. Luckily there is a severed head of a moose in the wood so I thought if I put a pen in its mouth and wrote a letter then that would be OK.

I get to be head boy this year too which is a surprise? I was not expecting to be one of them EVER, but the headmaster said it is a terrible clerical error and heads will roll. I did tell the headmaster that I have already tried rolling the moose’s head and it didn’t roll very well, so if he wants a head that will roll he needs to choose a head the right shape. It was just after that I could hear him going AAAAAAuuuuuuuuuuuggggHHHHHHH a lot and saying only five more year till I get my pension before locking himself in his office. It appears I have to work until I am 102 because due to some error in government calculations, and a large number of bankers and footballers running off with loads of money, all the pension funds are worth almost as much as a decomposing moose head in the woods. As you can see we spent part of our day doing politics with a new teacher who is quite young.



It appears as head boy on the first day back at school I get to say Grace at lunch time, but I don’t know who Grace is so I mentioned a whole load of other people instead, but about half way through the headmaster ran off going  AAAAAAuuuuuuuuuuuggggHHHHHHH a lot again. I think he might be upset because now everyone has gone back to school the sun has come out and it is nice and warm.

Anyway I showed everyone a great picture of the severed decomposing moose head at lunch time because by shear coincidence it was strawberry mousse for pudding and in another amazing coincidence I found a mouse head in the chicken curry so that was WELL COOL. Only me and Freddie and the strange robot like person in the silver suit who bleeped a lot and drew pictures of some ancient mythical creature seemed to eat school lunch today. After I took the mouse head to show the headmaster, because I noticed it rolled really well, but he went AAAAAAuuuuuuuuuuuggggHHHHHHH a lot yet again….  I don’t know you do your best to help…. It appears that Mrs Harris has a head that rolls really well……

Oooooo we saw a helicopter today, we were told it was making sure we did not sneak off to the chip shop at lunchtime. Apparently this is normally the responsibility of the head boy but someone said he is an IDIOT…………… AH …….HANG ON? 


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15 comments:

  1. Sounds like you had a good first day back! Very eventful, lots of rolling heads.

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    1. Indeed Miss Laura, thank you for visiting. I know you are a busy person and are reading loads.... so the last thing you need is my rambling rubbish to add to your list....

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  2. I wonder if it is aLL the sound that the helio-copter makes is what keeps it up in the air? If that is true then I should bolt/screw down my teleBision set so that it does not fly off its stand. A short way away from here they make airplanes that act like helio-copters, they being Bell Helicopter Textron.

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    1. Now I am wondering if it is okay to text on a Textron helio-copter? Have this thing about not texting and driving, so is texting and flying much of a problem?

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    2. I think texting and flying would be a problem....... I have been on Bell helicopters and they seem to need a lot of hands to fly them. I have not heard the Textron name before however. Good old Google, did you know Mr ESB that no one (maybe Captain Nessman on FB in the past)makes me use Google as much to find stuff out. I know that is good but my poor old brain is full of stuff already

      I think they really should be called Text Rob....

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    3. I rarely see but sometimes hear the V-22 Osprey when they leave Amarillo (their final assembly point). So I am seeing them frequently on their maiden flight, ah, baby aero-planes! I think I have seen them hover only once in real life. But yesterday was special, I saw either two of them or the same one twice in one day. I had an iPhone the second time so I could take a picture. But the sun was in the way so by the time I finaLLy could shoot a picture the V-22 was fairly small but somewhat distinguishable in the photograph. I have applied for a few jobs at their factory but never got an interview. It would have meant a long commute and too much time away from Cooper.

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    4. I have never seen a V-22 Osprey but would love too, they are cool looking things (I have to Google it again Mr ESB, but once I saw the pic I knew)

      I have been trying to take photos of Buzzards but they appear as dots on my little digital camera sadly....

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  3. Thanks for a good laugh. I've had a horrid week and it's only Wednesday. Head boy sounds like someone whose head is kept in a jar as a reminder to lesser students what happens when one doesn't obey...but I'm not British and don't really know much about your culture except what I've read in Harry Potter. Assuming you're a muggle?
    Tina @ Life is Good

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    1. Ah yes Harry Potter, me and Harry do not see eye to eye there are several reasons for this which I have talked about in the past, way back in book one, but I am happy to explain in short here to let you know.

      1 That Harry Potter is not real and I am... (sort of) so I have a diary based on real things (most of the time-ish) where as he just makes up stuff all the time.

      2 All that waving sticks about shouting Hoosaflingabilsoup slatty poo and the like just does not work. I (we) use real technology prober steam powered nano-techology and the like there is no mumbo-jumbo in my stories.

      3 O yes everybody loves ******Harry Potter (who is not real) and buy all that Harry Potter merchandising and the like and although the first few films were quite good he turned into a right grumpy so & so. The last but one had next to no plot, and was to put it bluntly, boring to the point I still have not watched the last one yet.

      4 He just decides to ride off into the sun set and everything is lovely and they all live happily ever after... Sorry but that is not the way of wizard, just look at poor old Merlin stress to the end but that is what happens as a wizard not Oooooooo I have made loads of dosh and run off and leave everyone to fend for themselves.

      5 He gives the poor old Banshee's a bad name they get right upset by it and say it is like being back in the middle ages again

      5 He is a mega rich not real person and I am a not rich real person YA SUCKS BOO that cant be fair....

      I'm sure there were more reasons but that will do for now.

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    2. Harry isn't real? So the invisibility cloak I ordered won't make me invisible? Damn. What I really want is a summoning spell - being on bedrest and having people fetch you things from other rooms gets old for everyone.
      And I do agree with you. I read all the books, and was pretty satisfied that Harry "died" in the last one because I'd had argument after argument with others that HE HAS TO DIE or the whole series makes no sense. Fine, bring him back alive again, and let him have a long rambling conversation with a dead Dumbledore just so JK can wrap up a bunch of plot holes. Oh how convenient. Pissed me off to no end. And no, I haven't seen the last one. What's the point. I hate stupid endings. Hollywood endings. People don't live happily ever after, and don't try telling me that some other evil wizard won't come along and start up some trouble...sigh. Kindred spirits.
      Tina @ Life is Good

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    3. I am working at living happily ever after... After that nice Mr Stephen Spielberg makes the block buster movie, the trouble is he keeps getting distracted by stuff (a bit like me really).

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  4. Okay, now trying to remove the image of a decomposing moose head, rolling along the ground...think I might need some bleach!

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    1. Sooty one of our cats will tell you that the best type of head to go head rolling with is a vole. Vole heads do roll really well but only when they are not attached to the rest of the vole. I think the world record is 15ft 3 inches....

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  5. It's nice to hear that someone is getting a-head in life.


    Lee
    A Faraway View

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    1. I think I maybe heading towards oblivion, but I will fight all the way to the end...

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