Tuesday, 22 April 2014

The Serpent on the Sidewalk

The Greatest A to Z  
Aardvark based Nonsense Poetry in the World 

It will only end in LEGAL drama
With LAWYERS making LOADS of cash.
As they sue you for being incredibly rash.
And never LET your dog bark in court
If you want to ensure the Aardvark is sought
As it scurries through the corridors of the power
To make its nest in the ivory tower

No one likes a large MONSTROUS MOLE.

A really huge one that will dig a large and rather MONSTROUS HOLE.

Destroying your lawns equilibrium and it MAJESTIC dynamic Flow.

Before it chases your dog and aardvarks,

Through the white winter Snow.

NEVER NIBBLE the toes of a NEWT
Or try to glue one inside your bosses boot
Because NEWTS you see have a NASTY streak
And will suck out your brains making your future bleak.

Yes NEWTS are clever
NEWTS have been known to bark
And it is a little known fact that they invented

The NEWTONIAN Aardvark

O dear said OSCAR as he dropped his pet OTTER
Into an ORIFICE made by a notorious Rotter
And although he tried to entice it with OCTOPUS livers 
It escaped OFF . . . . into the rivers
Because as we know
OTTERS are Tarka’s and not really givers.

(Tarka’s . . . .  Takers) HAH HAHAH AHH Ahah h hah ah ah hah h a hha ha ha haha ha ha ha.

It can sing the Star Spangled Banner and impersonate the late Thora Hird
And if feeling PECKISH or can't think of the right word
It PRETENDS it’s the aardvark from Shakespeare’s play

Richard the Third.

If you stand  . . . . . 
in a QUEUE . . . . . . . 
with a Gnu . . . . . . .
People will QUIETLY whisper . . . . . . .  
in a QUADRANGLE . . .  or two  . . 
Or QUIVER with fear and shout loudly. 
AuuuuuugggghhhhHH Shoo
Or throw bits of Aardvark . . . . . .  At the Smiling Gnu

And maybe at you.

Past a ROTUND RABBIT and a small bald RETIRED man
And as he passed a ROASTER that made a strange sound just like a bark.
He lost his concentration and tripped over an Aardvark. 

(A Lesser Spotted Bat Winged Aardvark)

The slimy slippery serpent slips silently underneath the 
 . . . . . SideWalk

In the dark where man and beast get eaten by a grumpy old  
 . . . . .  Night Hawk

And little dogs run about and annoy pedestrians with their
 . . . . Barks

And every one will run and hide with the arrival of . . . . . . . . .

(Huge indomitable and fearsome man eating) 

 . . . . Aardvarks.  



  1. As long as the serpent in't Sadistic, I'm ok with him.

    1. AH DAMN . . . . Funny you should say that. . .

  2. Progressive poem! Huh, I kinda like it. Not normally into poetry but this feels like Dr. Seuss and I love Dr. Seuss!

    1. I kind of like the idea that what you are saying as I read between the lines is that my poetry is not normal. . . . . WELL COOL.

      Reading between the lines is yet another silly saying, have you ever tried it, it makes no sense what so ever.

      Thanks for the visit to my ever so humble little blog, you are very find indeed....

  3. Aardvarks are maneating? Or just this one? What about sidewalk snakes? Inquiring minds want to know.

    1. I think you need to wait until the Letter T for the answer to the first question. I will not give any clues, but if I say it may involve Transilvania . . . . . . DAMN I gave a clue.....

      I may have got Sidewalk Snakes mixed up with Sidewinder Snakes. . . it is easily done

  4. It appears convincing folk it is easy to mistake a bunch of daffodils for a grey cat is harder than I thought. . . . It is now called Daffy the Cat, so thats Sooty, Harry, Spot and Snowy, although only two of them are sort of real. . . .

  5. am silently shooting self sans serpent -