Sunday, 27 April 2014

Napoleon and Josephine a Tale of Two Aardvarks

Once upon a time back when nights were nights (much as they are now?) there lived a large and noble Aardvark called Napoleon. He was an ambitious Aardvark with dreams of world domination and leading his army through Europe and over the Alps on the back of Elephants, yes Napoleon was also a little mad. However his dreams were thwarted by his army of aardvarks, as we can tell from the following extract from his autobiography written as he languished in a Zoo on Alba (sorry Elbow) many years later.

“They were rubbish and ill disciplined and would dig holes in the parade ground looking for grubs and  not listening to a single command it was futile, they may have been good at making trenches but trench warfare was quite simply beyond their comprehension”.    

Napoleon the Aardvark was a single minded beast and remained focused on his plans for world domination through his younger years, but he had a secret admirer a young Aardvark called Josephine. Josephine was an aristocratic Aardvark who lived a life of luxury and had rather expensive and unusual taste, particularly in what she ate. In fact she insisted in only eating cake, all kinds of cake from Victoria sandwich to coffee and walnut or fruit cakes to Apple upside down cake covered in cream and hundreds and thousands.

She would often try and gain the attention of Napoleon by taking various cakes to him at sunset and once even took a loaf of bread, a commodity of great rareness in those days. But it was to no avail, Napoleon the Aardvark was a man of few words and he would look down on the cake and say to Josephine in his gruff moody voice  . . . . . . .AH . .  Not Termite Josephine . . . .

In the end Josephine got fed up with Napoleon and ran off with Lenin the Aardvark although it was not to last due to his rather austere outlook on life, but at the time folk were worried that Napoleon would be dead annoyed. But Napoleon was philosophical and told his friends  . . . Let Len eat cake   

HAH AH AH HA HAHah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha hah a ha ha hah ah ah ha ha ha hah ah.   


  1. If a submarine is a vessel that travels below the sea, then a subterrine might be a good name for one that travels below the terra firma. We could seek the advise of moles.

    1. Moles have a habit of always saying . . . The grass is greener on the other side. . . . Which in their own case is ironically always true......


      Its a turf job but somebody's got to chew it. . . . . .HAH HAHH HAH HAH Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha hah ah ah ah ah ah ha ha ha ha ha

    2. As the moles in the non-horizontal environments eXclaim, "hahahaha, that was hill-larious!!!" and "bore a zone of trails horizontal to the horizon!!!" which is their way of saying, "Go west, young mole."

  2. Hey Mr. R!

    "LET LEN EAT CAKE" Aha and is this where Napoleon pulled his bone apart?