Saturday, 3 August 2013
The Woods and the Wood Witch and the search for the mythical Rankenzomp Beast
The more practical side of today was confined to poking about in holes in the ground with pointy sticks again, I know I have done this loads lately, but I am good at it; and painting dark things white. Although the painting dark things white was harder that it might at first appear because the white paint tuned a sort of mud grey colour. I guess that is what happens when you try and paint mud white…. However this is hardly that exciting and will not help sell my manuscript to the nice Steven Spielberg, I do not wish to give him the opportunity of saying it would be like watching paint dry while he tries to hide again in exclusive restaurants, who refuse to let me in for being a scruff and having no tie… Don’t you hate it when the doorman says “No Tie Sir so you are Knot getting in HAH HAHAHH AH HAhah hah hh h hh ah hhaha …….tie, knot HAH HAHHAHAH HA h hahh ah ha…….
Anyway in order to liven up the events of the day I went in search of mythical beasts in the woods where I saw Mr Jones stalking an Alien and the Lemming of Petrograd who were hiding in a pantomime alien costume. They told me that Mr Jones needed cheering up and so they were planning to do a re-enactment of the movie Alien even though they had never seen it, as they said, Lemmings are not allowed in to the cinema. They were dead annoyed because the usherette said they were rodents and they have not been insulted like that since the revolution and their great strike of 1921.
Hang on, this is all a distraction because just as I was wandering home one of those Wood Witches turned up saying they were going to turn me into a frog, or a pig, or a ferret, or an alien with three heads and eighteen feet and three ears, or a lamp post. Still we all know that this is what Wood Witches say to everyone, after all their Bark is worse than their Bite . . . . . . . AH HAHHAH HAH HA HAH HAH ah hah ah ah ha hahhha ha ha ha ah ha ha.
OK I’m off now, I am going to sit on a Nymphaeaceae, or as it is more commonly known lily pad and eat flies for a while ……… HAH HAHAHh ahah hahah hahh ahah ha ha ha