I was jolly tired last night and after a
restless night being bounced on by a cat who thought he had caught the world’s
largest mouse hiding in a duvet I was
not my usual bouncy self this morning, in fact I would say I was tired, grumpy
and rather grumpy yes I was double grumpy. Particularly as I had to leap into
action again to fight off mad axe-men with chainsaws, which I was doing rather
well until I was hit over the head with an Armadillo toaster and told I was an
IDIOT; it appears that the mad axe-men with chainsaws are tree surgeons from Scottish
Power . . . . . . . . AH.
I then had to explain to them that I
thought they were mad axe-men, trying to turn me into a zombie as part of a
horrible master plan orchestrated by militant Penguins annoyed by mans over use
of ice cubes in drinks. I think they understood and said IDIOT in a friendly
chirpy way indicating that they did not really mean it?
Well it is an easy error to make in my
opinion
The mad axe-men (sorry
Tree Surgeons) were very cool they had arrived to cut down all the trees
growing close to the overhead power lines where I had cut a few trees from
until I was told I was an IDIOT, I had underestimated the voltage by about
10,000 volts or so. So now we have this big clearing between us and the woods
which is better than it sounds because we can now see into the woods and watch
the banshees flying in the evening and werewolf’s sneaking up on Mr Jones who
has returned to earth after his encounter on the 21st Dec last year
(The End of the World) with the aliens. He said things happened he did not wish
to talk about, but his key bit of advice appears to be never rub Vick on the chest of an Alien even if it does have man flu.
Ok back to the point, the
mad axe-men (sorry Tree Surgeons) were not able to remove all of the biggest
tree a very large willow tree so they will be back in a couple of days to fell
the main trunk. It will grow again no doubt but we can now prune it in the
future without the risk of death. It appears if you touch a damp tree that is
in contact with a power line it can electrocute you to death or worse,
Particularly terrible if it happens over Christmas as you may be mistaken for a
novelty illuminated Santa and find yourself stuck to a tree for a couple of
weeks until folk notice you are charred at the edges a bit.
Oooooo yes if you live in
the UK the very nice man with the smile Professor Brian Cox is on the
television in that BBC Skygazing Live tonight (8.00pm BBC2) which I will be watching, but it does mean that the sky
will be full of clouds and they will tell you exactly the same as Mr Jones
(although not in the nude) NEVER RUB VICK ON THE CHEST OF AN ALIEN EVEN IF IT
DOES HAVE MAN FLU.
.
Why would anyone rub Vick on the chest of an alien? I'm sure that the alien will gain an enormous amount of pleasure from it but I'm not so sure if Vick will. Poor girl.
ReplyDeleteNo No No Miss Lily, you see this is the problem with us Radical Abstract Thinkers we think in an abstract way. And so now I have to explain to the rest of the world that VICK is not a young girl who has found herself being rubbed onto the chest of an alien (see Miss Lily we are on dangerous ground here for a family friendly blog) but the world famous VICKS Vapour rub the cure for all known things.....
DeleteI have found that the times I am double grumpy only last half as long as normal grumpy. I wiLL time my neXt fractional grumpy session to see if it maintains an inverse relationship of y=1/x
ReplyDeleteI discovered we have a wobbly low pressure zone nearby in Mexico. I have neVer heard of a wobbly low, interesting.
I have never heard of a wobbly low you would expect a high to be wobbly as it is more likely to fall over. A bit like making towers out of wooden blocks the higher they get the more likely the wobble is that will make them fall. When ever I make a tower I tend to be grumpy when it falls over based on the relationship Y=x/p where X is the hight and P is the number of people watching at the time
DeleteAt first I thought you were rong but now I can see that you are totaLLy wright. (That was a sentence that has two typos yet foLLows the Consevation of Mass principle by having the w misplaced. I think it was a hi voltage thing, or maybe just a more subdued heLLo voltage.)
DeleteJesus should call his cat Voltage then he can say Hi Voltage and Watt Voltage or You gave me a bit of a shock Voltage . . . . . plus other things, although I cant think of then right now
DeleteI somehow missed your Voltage name suggestion, and I saw it while Jesus was just a few feet away, and so I read it to him. He smiled, and said it was a veRy good name because right now with it being cold and dry outside his cat gives him static jolts when he pets the cat. Once again Rob's brilliance is unmistakeably spot on. Remarkable.
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