Wednesday, 30 April 2014

The Alphabet from Aardvarks to Zombies . . . (A to Z)

The Greatest A to Z  
Aardvark based Nonsense Poetry in the World 

Poetry is easy . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . or so some say
So through the Alphabet . . . . . .I will play
Starting right here . . . here with the letter A
And a rather silly nonsense poem, to end the day.

So to the distant sound of a mad dogs bark.
I’ll start at the start with thee Aardvark.

The Bee and the Bear met a Beaver
Who looked rather aggressive with a large meat cleaver?
He shouted be gone, Back off, and leave me Be
I’m busy chopping down, this Big tree.

So the bee he Buzzed and the Bear he growled
And a Banshee somewhere Behind them howled
And that then made the mad dog Bark
Then what turned up but another Aardvark
DAMN (again)

Here we are by the C
All blue and wavy and a little wet maybe
With Caterpillars Cute and Cudl-eeeee. . . . . (No its not Cheating)
And we all run about on the Count of three.
As Crabs and Catfish play in the bay
Or so the gnarled old Seadogs do say
But Seadogs are mad and tend to bark
Arousing the monstrous Sea Aardvark


Did the Dodo Die out or was it a Deception
To avoid meeting Great Danes at a posh reception
Because all they do is shout and bark
So is Dodo is now Disguised as a smallish Aardvark

And does your Dog get up with the lark
And chase sticks about in the park
And is it mad and tend to Bark
Annoying the park keepers trusty old and loyal Aardvark

When an Elephant meets an Electric Eel
There is bound to be a noisy squeal
As one beast gets squashed by the others heel
And  . . . . . . .
Creates a huge ten thousand volt Arc
Which is the sort of voltage that will make a dog bark
Or light up they eyes of an adult Aardvark.
Out in the deserts of his favourite park.

They say it’s the Fault of the barking dog
That made the Frogs Flee into the Fog
And made the Fishermen turn to grog
While Flying Fish flutter over a Floating log
And Yet
The constant sound of mad dogs Barks
Results in the thundering hoofs of stampeding Aardvarks  

Always look closely at an F or G
Just in case it should be the image of thee
With a sacrifice of Goat and toasted Ghee
While witch doctors dance round . . . . . .  the sacred tree.
Shaking gourds  . . . . . . .
And Grannies old Knee

And it’s good to know if ghouls creep about in the dark
Your faithful dog always loudly barks
Alerting a flock of man eating Aardvarks
Who will eat the ghouls just for larks

Henry is having a long chat with Horris
Because Harold has chopped off the head of Boris
And all because he was naughty with Doris
Although Doris’s dog has a terrible bark
Which Harold would wind up just for a lark
Then strangely one night while out in the dark
An ironic twist occurred near the pond in the park
When Harold had his head chewed off by a large aardvark 

. . . . . . . . . . called Henry

There once was an invisible imaginary imp
Who rode through the ocean on an interesting indigo shrimp
I think.  . . . . . . . .  . . . . . . . . .
Said an Aardvark
In a sink

Jack and Jill when to Jail
For stealing Jewels from the Royal Mail
Which made their little dog start to bark
But it was chased away by the jailer’s aardvark.

The King was Kalled because his Kat was Killed
Katching kippers with a jug it filled.
Full of toast and cheese and well known Chinese remarks.
And the ancient claws of ceremonial Aardvarks

Never laugh at a lazy llama
It will only end in Legal drama
With LawyerS making loads of cash.
As they sue you for being incredibly rash.
And never let your dog bark in court
If you want to ensure the Aardvark is sought
As it scurries through the corridors of the power
To make its nest in the ivory tower

No one likes a large Monstrous Mole.
A really huge one that will dig a large and rather Monstrous Hole.
Destroying your lawns equilibrium and it majestic dynamic Flow.
Before it chases your dog and aardvarks,
Through the white winter Snow.

Never nibble the toes of a newt
Or try to glue one inside your bosses boot
Because Newts you see have a Nasty streak
And will suck out your brains making your future bleak.

Yes newts are clever
Newts have been known to bark
And it is a little known fact that they invented
The Newtonian Aardvark

O dear said Oscar as he dropped his pet Otter
Into an Orifice made by a notorious Rotter
And although he tried to entice it with Octopus livers 
It escaped off . . . . into the rivers
Because as we know
Otters are Tarka’s and not really givers.

(Tarka’s . . . .  Takers) HAH HAHAH AHH Ahah h hah ah ah hah h a hha ha ha haha ha ha ha.

I know
You are wondering where
The Aardvark
Did go

It fell in an O’LLLLLL . . . . . . ?

Peter the parrot is a priceless bird
It can sing the Star Spangled Banner and impersonate the late Thora Hird
And if feeling peckish or cant think of the right word
It pretends it’s the aardvark from Shakespeare’s play
Richard the Third.

If you stand  . . . . . in a queue . . . . . . . with a Gnu
People will quietly whisper . . . . . . .  in a quadrangle . . .  or two
Or quiver with fear and shout loudly AuuuuuugggghhhhHH Shoo
Or throw bits of Aardvark . . . . . .  At the Smiling Gnu

And maybe at you.

Past a ROTUND RABBIT and a small bald RETIRED man
And as he passed a ROASTER that made a strange sound just like a bark.
He lost his concentration and tripped over an Aardvark. 

 . . . . . SIDEWALK

In the dark where man and beast get eaten by a grumpy old  

 . . . . .  Night Hawk

And little dogs run about and annoy pedestrians with their

 . . . . Barks

And every one will run and hide with the arrival of . . . . . . . . .

(Huge indomitable and fearsome man eating) 

 . . . . Aardvarks.

In the TINY TOWNS in  . . . . . .  
Is a beast THAT drives THE population mad 
And has become a world compulsive mania?
With is sharp pointy TEETH . . . . . . 
Sucking blood in THE dark
Everyone lives in fear of 
THE Vampire Aardvark.

You will find some UGLY fish

Who think that they are bats 
Rather than a battered dish.

They think they are being clever 
Hiding from the multitude of sharks

But hiding in UMBRELLAS 
Means they will be eaten by

There have been a VERITABLE multitude of beasts
 in the VISION of my VERSE.

But some will think my nonsense poetry
is rather more a curse.
And most will say it is poetry, 
which is full of  . . . . . . . . Impropriety.

Well everyone . . . .  with one exception . . . . . . . . . . . .

The Welsh Aardvark Appreciation Society. 
If you live in darkest WALES
You will be used to dragons with scaly scales
That have long and pointed pointy tails
A land WHERE the WIND and rain it never fails

As hard as you might try
You will never spy

An Aardvark . . . . . . . With your beady eye.

O dear we have arrived at X
Meaning we must mention the terrible Tyrannosaurus Rex
The fearsome beast from the past doth . . . .Hark
Till it choked to death on a large . . . . . . . . . . Aardvark

Phew made it past the tricky letter . . . . (OK there was not a lot of X’s in that)
Things can now only get (slightly) better . . . . .Maybe?

WHY WHY WHY WHY  . . . .I hear you say
WHY not Y instead of WHY today
And WHY have Aardvarks from Z to A.
Because Aardvarks you see must have their say

And so as down the alphabet we do transcend
It appears we have now nearly

But not quite.


Have you ever been to the Zoo
And noticed signs saying  . . . . . .Please avoid the Aardvark Poo
This is good advice and something you really should do
Because if you don’t . . . . . . .  it will stick like glue
And result in the throwing away
Of your favourite shoe.

So this is it we have reached the END
But did you know that Zombies . . . . .  are the Aardvarks Friend

Let sleeping Aardvarks lie. . . 

Thank You for Reading . . . .


  1. Awesome! That really was the best nonsensical aardvark poetry ever. What is the zombie feeding to the aardvarks? Ants?

    1. Sadly Mr Flip my efforts were described elsewhere in cyberspace yesterday as pointless rubbish with no redeeming merit and a waste of mine and there time. I have a feeling they were not impressed.

    2. Ooooo they are ants . . .

    3. Don't listen to them. I sincerely believe that your blog is of huge benefit to human advancement. Where else can we learn the treachery and betrayal of the aardvarks signing a defensive treaty with the zombies?

      Trust me, your Blog is great. Well done on finishing the challenge.

  2. I wonder if there were any blog readers who became zombies in the middle of your poem creation period and then didn't get to see the whole thing.

    1. I have a feeling that might be me although I can see it. I have made the lettering smaller or it was a bit long, but being smaller means I can't read it so well and if I take my glasses off I cant see the monitor anyway...

    2. Always being called delightful exudes from going habitually inside juxtaposed knittenly like most noble omnipresentable poets quoting Rob sans Tobor understandably visualized without (e)xcept Z.

    3. Mr ESB you are a genius . . .

    4. You are very clever Mr ESB . . . . I am not very clever.....

  3. This is the best poem I've ever read. Ever.
    Congrats on making it to Z, I knew we could do it :)

    1. You are very kind Miss Laura. You are a determined and clever soul who will hopefully achieve many great things.

  4. You did an epic job with your A to Z epic poem.

    And getting through the Linky List was beyond epic. It was absolute madness.

    Job well done.

    Wrote By Rote
    An A to Z Co-host blog

    1. Thanks Mr B . . . . I decided I would try and visit all the blogs on the list but was not sure how practical it was. . . . . . . I did not comment on them all though some tasks are just a step to far.

  5. Congratulations on completing the challenge. Your poetry intrigues me. And thanks for the tips you left me at the beginning of the challenge-- very helpful.
    Mary from The View from my World

    1. My blog will now slip back to its role as my diary in the quiet hills of the English Welsh borders with its Aliens Zombies and Steam Powered robots and the like so will be dead boring for the rest of the year.

      NO its true really boring Aliens just talk techy stuff all the time and spend all their time saying ooooo whats this and this and this and oooooo this.

  6. Aardvark poo is that sticky? Good to know. Well done with the challenge as a whole. Though I am a little bitter that a pickle or even a pickleope couldn't have fit into "P" somewhere. Guess you had enough cryptids in these poems.

    1. I will make up for it and offer you membership of the RATs Radical Abstract Thinkers) . . . It is rather exclusive. . .

  7. Wait, did I just read that right? You visited every blog on the A-Z Challenge list? Dear Lord man! You're a um, crud, I don't have the word - I can only tell you I have the voice of Bones in my head, "I'm a doctor not a scientist!" sorry, man…what a disappointing comment. *leaving with her head down in shame*

    1. Yes I did visit every blog with a decent link and reported the others to Mr B as I progressed from the bottom to the top. Arriving at No 1 (Mr B's Blog) as we posted the letter X or was it Y . . .

      As someone once said about climbing tall mountains . . . I did it because it was there. Although I will not do it again it was a bonkers idea, very bonkers.

  8. BRAVO sir BRAVO.
    I waited until the beginning of May
    to read all your poetry in one single day
    I laughed and I cried
    A gave a small cheer.
    Who knows what magic you'll come up with next year!

    Top work Rob. Well done.

    1. Poetry in the best tradition of Rob, Mr H

      NEXT YEAR. . . . . . . . .YICKS

  9. Cool poetry! Visiting from Heather & Stormy's Post AtoZ Roadtrip Post.
    Life & Faith in Caneyhead