Thursday, 10 April 2014

Dont you hate it when the eyes follow you round the room

The Greatest A to Z  
Aardvark based Nonsense Poetry in the World 



A
Poetry is easy . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . or so some say
So through the ALPHABET . . . . . .I will play
Starting right here . . . here with the letter A
AND a rather silly nonsense poem, to end the day.

So to the distant sound of a mad dogs bark.
I’ll start AT the start with thee AARDVARK.
AH

DAMN.


B
The BEE and the BEAR met a BEAVER
Who looked rather aggressive with a large meat cleaver?
He shouted be gone, BACK off, and leave me BE
I’m BUSY chopping down, this BIG tree.

So the BEE he BUZZED and the BEAR he growled
And a BANSHEE somewhere BEHIND them howled
And that then made the mad dog BARK
Then what turned up BUT another Aardvark
AH

DAMN (again)


C
Here we are by the C
All blue and wavy and a little wet maybe
With CATERPILLARS CUTE and CUDL-EEE. . . (No its not CHEATING)
And we all run about on the COUNT of three.
As CRABS and CATFISH play in the bay
Or so the gnarled old Seadogs do say
But Seadogs are mad and tend to bark
Arousing the monstrous Sea Aardvark

O NO

AAAAauuuuuuuuuuugggghhhHHHHH

D
DID the DODO DIE out or was it a DECEPTION
To avoid meeting Great DANES at a posh reception
Because all they do is shout and bark
So is the DODO now DISGUISED as a smallish Aardvark

And does your DOG get up with the lark
And chase sticks about in the park
And is it mad and tend to Bark
Annoying the park keepers trusty old and loyal Aardvark

E
When an ELEPHANT meets an ELECTRIC EEL
There is bound to be a noisy squeal
As one beast gets squashed by the others heel
And  . . . . . . . (slight pause and wait)
Creates a huge ten thousand volt Arc
Which is the sort of voltage that will make a dog bark
Or light up they EYES of an adult Aardvark.

Out in the deserts of his favourite park.


F
They say it’s the FAULT of the barking dog
That made the FROGS FLEE into the FOG
And made the FISHERMEN turn to grog
While FLYING FISH FLUTTER over a FLOATING log
And Yet
The constant sound of mad dogs Barks

Results in the thundering hoofs of stampeding Aardvarks 


G
Always look closely at an F or G
Just in case it should be the image of thee
With a sacrifice of GOAT and toasted GHEE
While witch doctors dance round . . . . . .  the sacred tree.
Shaking GOURDS  . . . . . . . and GRANNIES old Knee

And it’s good to know if GHOULS creep about in the dark(zzzzzzzz)
Your faithful dog always loudly barks
Alerting a flock of man eating Aardvarks
Who will eat the GHOULS just for larks

H
HENRY is having a long chat with HORRIS
Because HAROLD has chopped off the HEAD of Boris
And all because he was naughty with Doris
Although Doris’s dog has a terrible bark
Which HAROLD would wind up just for a lark
Then strangely one night while out in the dark
An ironic twist occurred near the pond in the park

When HAROLD HAD HIS HEAD chewed off by a large aardvark 

. . . . . . . . . . called HENRY 


I
There once was an invisible imaginary imp
Who rode through the ocean on an interesting indigo shrimp
.
.
.
Impossible
I think.  . . . . . . . .  . . . . . . . . .
Said an Aardvark

In a sink




21 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. I feel that my be the perfect answer to a lot of things.

      Delete
    2. O f c o u r s e i n t h i s case it was meant as an answer to the question that was your title before I had read any of the blog post.

      Delete
  2. I think the annoying I's in the room that follow me are the Insects. Mainly the flying insects.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Are you referring to your tame Praying Mantis of the summer months Mr ESB.

      Delete
    2. Praying Mantis annoying? Oh, never!
      I was thinking of hovering pestering insects
      that rhyme with I,
      the veRy annoying Mister Fly.

      Delete
  3. Funny ... I also did an art project with eyes today. I used a font that has eyeballs on the letters.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I was quite pleased with the I with eyes, some of the other letters I drew were less successful but such is the way of the world.

      Delete
    2. You know it took me just a bit to figure out your picture, then I went, "Oh!" So that was a case of eye/I oh! You. I think it will make an interesting two tone print.

      Delete
    3. ActuaLLy I didn't mean two tones, my brain is tired and I was reaLLy going for some undefined word floating deep in my inner being unable to be eXpressed perfectly, it has reaLLy just been an absolutely bizarre day dealing with a customer who screamed and yeLLed at my wife in our store over a siLLy something of shirts. The police were caLLed after he had left and the officer was of some comfort, I think, to my wife. At least she wasn't alone and had her assistant there along with another salon customer who were just about ready to attack him! I was trapped at my house waiting for a large freight delivery and missed the initial fireworks. We discovered later that the violent sounding customer lives just a block away from our lawyer, whose daughter was the salon customer.

      Delete
  4. If the imp was invisible, how do we know he rode the shrimp? We can't trust the witness testimony of a shrimp. They are known to be shills for mafia bosses and their statements are notoriously unreliable.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What you are trying to tell me in a subtle way is that my entire life is built on a Lie (or in todays case an I)

      Delete
  5. My wife has been riding around on a shrimp for years, it's how we consummated our marriage. Thank you, thank you, tip your waitress, the 8:30 show is completely different from the 5:30.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I thought you were going to say that you know.

      OK not exactly that, but something like it.

      OK nothing like that at all.

      Delete
  6. That's a lot of long words that begin with I.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have no problem with long words, but I can't spell them normally and added to bad typing means I am totally dependent on my trusty old PC to save me looking even more stupid than I do at times.

      Delete
  7. I am a lover of words and love long ones. I am stopping in from A-Z Challenge and the Unconventional Librarian Alliance.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Many thanks for calling by . . . I have leapt onto your blog and said hello . . . . as I am sort of being a nice chap as I head to Z

      Delete
  8. Ohh I would like to ride an indigo shrimp.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. All things are possible . . . sort of.

      Delete
  9. Short and sweet. Said an aardvark in a tweet.

    Both of the drawings were awesome today. Well yesterday, because I'm a day behind.

    ReplyDelete