Wednesday, 23 April 2014

Beware the Aardvarkian Society of Transylvania and Tea Pots

The Greatest A to Z  
Aardvark based Nonsense Poetry in the World 

No one likes a large MONSTROUS MOLE.

A really huge one that will dig a large and rather MONSTROUS HOLE.

Destroying your lawns equilibrium and it MAJESTIC dynamic Flow.

Before it chases your dog and aardvarks,

Through the white winter Snow.

NEVER NIBBLE the toes of a NEWT
Or try to glue one inside your bosses boot
Because NEWTS you see have a NASTY streak
And will suck out your brains making your future bleak.

Yes NEWTS are clever
NEWTS have been known to bark
And it is a little known fact that they invented

The NEWTONIAN Aardvark

O dear said OSCAR as he dropped his pet OTTER
Into an ORIFICE made by a notorious Rotter
And although he tried to entice it with OCTOPUS livers 
It escaped OFF . . . . into the rivers
Because as we know
OTTERS are Tarka’s and not really givers.

(Tarka’s . . . .  Takers) HAH HAHAH AHH Ahah h hah ah ah hah h a hha ha ha haha ha ha ha.

It can sing the Star Spangled Banner and impersonate the late Thora Hird
And if feeling PECKISH or can't think of the right word
It PRETENDS it’s the aardvark from Shakespeare’s play

Richard the Third.

If you stand  . . . . . 
in a QUEUE . . . . . . . 
with a Gnu . . . . . . .
People will QUIETLY whisper . . . . . . .  
in a QUADRANGLE . . .  or two  . . 
Or QUIVER with fear and shout loudly. 
AuuuuuugggghhhhHH Shoo
Or throw bits of Aardvark . . . . . .  At the Smiling Gnu

And maybe at you.

Past a ROTUND RABBIT and a small bald RETIRED man
And as he passed a ROASTER that made a strange sound just like a bark.
He lost his concentration and tripped over an Aardvark. 

 . . . . . SIDEWALK

In the dark where man and beast get eaten by a grumpy old  
 . . . . .  Night Hawk

And little dogs run about and annoy pedestrians with their
 . . . . Barks

And every one will run and hide with the arrival of . . . . . . . . .

(Huge indomitable and fearsome man eating) 

 . . . . Aardvarks.

In the tiny towns in  . . . . . .  
the hills of Transylvania
Is a beast that drives the population mad 
And has become a world compulsive mania?
With is sharp pointy teeth . . . . . . 
Sucking blood in the dark
Everyone lives in fear of 
the Vampire Aardvark.

They do love Aunties

AH HAH AH HA HAH AHh a ha hah ahha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

Did I mention the Aardvarkian Society of Transylvania and Tea Pots  . . . . . DAMN I was told not to do that. . . . 


  1. I am terrified thank you - am ontea to three.
    Garden of Eden Blog

    1. This poem is like a ghost train, scary but you just have to have a little go. And then right at the end you think to yourself. . . . .

      Hang On that was rubbish I want my money back.

  2. Do I have to be in Transylvania to join the Aardvarkian Society of Transylvania and Tea Pots? Oh, never mind, you've already said too much, I don't want to get you in more trouble.

    1. I eat trouble for breakfast, chew it up and spit it out going HA HA HA like all good superheroes do.

      But the answer to your question is yes

  3. I'd better lock up my aunties. I guess this answers the man-eater question.

    1. I have locked up all my relatives to be on the safe side. Although they are not entirely happy, the neighbours are having a party. I can only assume they are pleased that I have saved my family from the terrible beasts.

      Funnily enough the neighbours were talking about the terrible beasts needing locking up only the other day.

  4. Ooh the vampire aardvark sounds terrifying, definitely the scariest one so far.

    1. It only gets friendlier from now on, I prefer happy endings.

  5. Hey! What are you doing with that green tea, I mean green T at the top of the page? Oh, that's right. You drew it. I've seen it all day at my blog, for a sec, I thought it was mine.

    I'm glad you've kept your posts compiled here. It makes it easy for people like me (slackers) to catch up. Although, I am kinda sad I missed the debut of the Newtonian Newt.

    1. Glad to see you are using the images. . . . that is what I was hoping. I think you are the only one. But that's OK, its not bad two of us out of 2000

  6. Who told you not to mention the Aardvarkian Society of Trainsylvainia and Tea Pots? Speaking of T, I am tired, so we are napping. But in the miDDle of my nap the wife caLLs to let me know she took a rush print job. And my printer is broken and Epson et al stiLL haven't got me the replacement -yet- s'pposed to be air freighted in from Indiana. I think an aardvark is involved because it is having an aard time getting here.

    1. A rush job on a broken printer sounds a little stressful to me. I hope it all works out, I know you have cunning ways to sort these problems.

      It was the Aardvarkian Society of Trainsylvainia who said DO NOT MENTION the Aardvarkian Society of Trainsylvainia . . . . . . . . AH DAMN it is not going well so far

    2. I am sorry I made you mention the &ardvarkian $ociety of TMrainsylvainia and TMea Pots again and gain a trouble. I secret coded mine so they wood knot know tice.

    3. I cant read it Mr ESB . . . . .It's in code . . .or as a small clue for tomorrow . . .Cod

    4. Oh, sorry four the con fusion.