Tuesday, 7 May 2013

The loss of Wit, and tales of unimportance


As the slightly eccentric child of cyberspace, writing a theme based diary everyday has its ups and downs, not helped by the Ghost Writer being tired and messing about in the sun shouting Ya Sucks Bo at me.  I try to keep things witty and amusing and vaguely factual but I may be running out of wit, and I am still not  half way through my diary yet as the plan was to reach one million words and here I am floundering at a mere 400 thousand, this is terrible.

On top of this I have responsibilities as head boy at our rather trendy Academy, I say trendy but for new followers the school is actually the old concrete block grey school from the good old days when it was a comprehensive school but it has a new fancy aluminium facade., and the headmaster bought a new suit to replace his trusty early 1962 Harris tweed which is guaranteed for at least 60 years of hard use. 






And I have had issues to resolve today as Esmeralda, and for new readers Esmeralda is part bionic these days when the school mascot, the school goat ate bits of her when she fell. It’s all a long story much like my diary. . . . . . Ok yes Esmeralda and the goat have fallen out again, it appears she has decided that it is easier to catapult the goat into the large DIY store as it causes less agro, apparently the manager has had words with her parents. The goat on the other hand is having a sit down protest as it wants to be catapulted into the out of town supermarket where it can find a large array of fresh vegetables and fruit including things that are out of season. Talking of which, why is it that out of season Strawberries look good but taste rubbish, I have no plans to linger on this point it is merely observation.

I did solve the Esmeralda, goat issue by suggesting that on days with a P in the goat can be catapulted into the supermarket and on non P days it’s the hardware store. Luckily the goat is rubbish at spelling so it will take him time to work out something is wrong.

Now I do realise new followers to my diary may be thinking Goats ?????? Esmeralda ?????????  Seagulls ?????????  . . . . . . But they are all well documented so I would advice waiting until that nice Steven Spielberg makes the first movie of the series and then all will be revealed. Meanwhile I need to go and hunt wits to replace my lost wit. I am a chap of No wit or as mum insist on describing it an IDIOT.

Have you ever wondered why sand is attracted to sandwiches, I wonder if the gravitational pull of a sandwich is greater than that of the Earth on sand particles of a certain size.     

12 comments:

  1. I'm sure your wit will return to you. I can't imagine you without having anything funny to write.

    Yvonne.

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    Replies
    1. Oooooo it can happen and often does

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  2. Mr Spielberg just needs to finish filming Warhorse 2: Back In The Saddle, then I am sure he'll be all over this diary.

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    1. DAMN those horses they have it in for me, how am I ever going to be famous if they keep turning up with their hay and clippy cloppy trotting about....

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  3. With Gravity it is a dance of distance.

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    1. I would definitely need a sandwich after a long distance dance.

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    2. Force of Gravity:
      Fg = Gm1m2/r^2

      G is universal gravitational constant: 6.67 x 10^-11
      m1, m2 are the two masses that attract each other
      Fg is the attractive force between the two masses
      r is the distance between the two masses

      So the answer to your question is Yes. Hold it, was there a question?

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    3. I think there was a question and I think you may have answered it, I agree with the yes, yes sounds good.

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  4. I only come here for the wit and often find it in abunDANCE. We have just gone through the AtoZing month of April.
    Esmeralda, the goat and your dad's weather machine (broke again I see!) keep me entertained without fail.
    Also, I don't know if I have mentioned this before I do like your drawings. They are so original and cool (with a captial 'K' - so you know it's proper cool) you don't need to worry about nufink!
    I have to try very hard at being an idiot, even though its comes naturally... hahahaha.

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    1. I like the idea of A-Bun-Dance Mr H and I can see that as something I should do more of, although I may just eat the buns if that's OK.

      Glad you like the drawing I would do more but its a time thing, it would be very easy to blog twenty four seven and I am not sure that as a human I was designed to do. I am in total agreement with being an idiot, I am a natural, but one day I will rise from the ashes like a char grilled gingerbread man and then people will sit up and take notice.

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    2. Yea! The Char Grilled Gingerbread Man! Now there is a hero for the masses!

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