Thursday, 20 September 2012
Young Horror Patter and the magic slugs (the continuing tale of the gingerbread house) and Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Once upon a time a long long long…… very long time ago lived a young wizard called Horror Patter, he had acquired this name as a result of his early years in wizard school where his attempts in magic would nearly always end in the sound of his feet as they pitter-pattered at speed down the long stone corridors to tell one of the masters things had gone slightly wrong and there was a thirty five foot slug eating Henry Poobag the 4th in the Halls of Spells. Much of the problem as it became clear much later on, was the fact he was a bit dyslexic, so Humpillioratty Floximaxiffion to poor old Horror Patter sounded look just like Hippiffiliously Jazzilliopussion so it was no wonder he sort of turned stuff into the wrong thing
Despite all his errors he had a few friends mainly Reg Polecat and Henrietta Ginger also known as Bossy Boots. Anyway it appeared that Horror Patter was destined for big things because the grand wizard and school headmaster Professor Doubledoor was very friendly with Mr and Mrs Patter and rumour has it a couple of plain brown envelopes had passed hands with the odd wink and a Allicazapiously hiddeniousapus nudgellious sayious kno Moreioth. Then one day the three friends ventured into the dark wood on a well wizard trip without telling Professor Doubledoor by using the secret passage that smart arse Henrietta Bossy Boots found.
END OF PART ONE
The reason for their trip was to visit a house deep in the woods that Henrietta Ginger’s father had made with his business partner Mr Bread many many many years ago, using revolutionary new building materials and ideas that sadly did not catch on. Anyway they battled through the wild woods fighting goblins and rabbits until they came to a clearing in the wood where they found a small group of people that Henrietta knew, because she knows everything (NA NAN NAAA Naaaaa). They were Professor Frankenstein who had been sacked by the school for his attempts to make students in a student loan scam, Mrs Frankenstein his wife, a large android robot that looked just like that Arnold Schwarzenegger and a small golden robot with wires hanging out of it called Rapunzel. The small group were eating crumbs off the floor, and the large android robot was trying to shoo away ravens who were also trying to eat the crumbs.
What happened to your lovely house that my father Mr Ginger and his business partner Mr Bread Made? it is destroyed said Henrietta, It is just one of those things said Professor Frankenstein as he desperately attempted to fly a kite up into a passing thunderstorm with the line tied to the head of a scarecrow.
We will put it all right for you said Reg Polecat, Yes said Horror Patter and with that Young Horror Pattor lifted his wand.
NO shouted Henrietta …….. No shouted Reg ………… No shouted a Zombie scurrying about in the wood, but it was too late.
Flinkystorodiousady Pilliffastpee blinkius shouted Horror his wand making cracking noises and smoke and flames flashing across the sky ………………….AH said Henrietta …………..AH said Reg …………. AH said young Horror Patter and AH said a Zombie in the wood. Because there before them were four very large slugs sat on the remains of the gingerbread house eating ginger bread quite happily.
Time to go home said Henrietta Best not to tell Professor Doubledoor I think
The English teacher said IDIOT again now after making me rewrite my story…