Wednesday, 19 September 2012
The fairy tale of Rapunzel the Robot, Frankenstein and Edward the Fox.
Once upon a time there was once an elderly couple who lived in the woods in a house made of gingerbread that three pigs tried to eat. The elderly couple called Jack and Jill hired a hit man to deal with the three pigs; they had heard of someone called The Jackal so they phoned their friend Edward the Fox he knew about stuff like that. Anyway Edward the Fox said The Jackal was very expensive to hire and quite frankly made a bit of a mess of his last big job. So the couple hired Mr Fox instead and he huffed and puffed and blew them up with high explosives (that’s the pigs not the elderly couple) and they all lived on pork scratching for months.
The couple were called Professor and Mrs Frankenstein they had moved to the woods after a bit of bother back at the research lab where attempts to make his own home help, had got the professor in a lot of trouble. However they still needed some help so the professor turned to robotics instead, and made a small golden home help robot which he called Rapunzel because it used a bio-combustion system that ran on the rare Rapunzel plant sometimes know as rampion. Unfortunately the only place this grew was in a walled garden belonging a grumpy old Dame called Dame Gothel, who was so grumpy all her maids had left and she was forced to clean and cook for herself; enough to make anyone grumpy.
Ooooooo by the way this is my English fairy tale for the term in case you are wondering
Each night the professor would sneak into the garden to collect fuel for the robot until he was caught one night by Dame Gothel who said she wanted the robot or she would send the food hygiene department round to condemn the gingerbread house. End of part one
Rapunzel was then forced to clean this huge castle which she did for years and years but Dame Gothel was not good to Rapunzel and never did any maintenance on the little robot who then started to go wrong with wires and things trailing along behind which in turn kept tripping up Dame Gothel. In the end the grumpy Dame thought I have had enough of this and stuck the robot into a high tower with no doors and just a window, telling the robot she was going to get agency help in instead.
So the little robot was condemned to go round and round the room for ever with more and more wires and stuff trailing behind her; in the end there was so much the little robot threw the whole lot out of the window. The next thing is a face at the window that had climbed up all the wires, cables and stuff saying ‘I am the terminator little robot’, and the little robot said you sound just like that Arnold Schwarzenegger. And they ran off into the wood where The terminator accidently destroys the gingerbread house, and as it happens most of the nearby village, who think that Professor Frankenstein has been messing about with science again so arrive with fiery torches planning to burn down the gingerbread house. But Mrs Frankenstein is one sharp cookie (all that time living in a gingerbread house HAH HAHAHHHAH HHAHAHHHH HAHAHa). She dresses up as the grumpy Dame Gothel and says they are all in the castle burn down the castle which they do (the villagers do) and everyone lives happily ever after on gingerbread crumble.
Almost everybody because at night a howling Zombie Biology teacher is said to walk through the woods chewing litmus paper.
The English teacher said IDIOT