Wednesday, 19 September 2012

The fairy tale of Rapunzel the Robot, Frankenstein and Edward the Fox.

Once upon a time there was once an elderly couple who lived in the woods in a house made of  gingerbread that three pigs tried to eat. The elderly couple called Jack and Jill hired a hit man to deal with the three pigs; they had heard of someone called The Jackal so they phoned their friend Edward the Fox he knew about stuff like that. Anyway Edward the Fox said The Jackal was very expensive to hire and quite frankly made a bit of a mess of his last big job. So the couple hired Mr Fox instead and he huffed and puffed and blew them up with high explosives (that’s the pigs not the elderly couple) and they all lived on pork scratching for months. 

The couple were called Professor and Mrs Frankenstein they had moved to the woods after a bit of bother back at the research lab where attempts to make his own home help, had got the professor in a lot of trouble.  However they still needed some help so the professor turned to robotics instead, and made a small golden home help robot which he called Rapunzel because it used a bio-combustion system that ran on the rare Rapunzel plant sometimes know as rampion. Unfortunately the only place this grew was in a walled garden belonging a grumpy old Dame called Dame Gothel, who was so grumpy all her maids had left and she was forced to clean and cook for herself; enough to make anyone grumpy.

Ooooooo by the way this is my English fairy tale for the term in case you are wondering

Each night the professor would sneak into the garden to collect fuel for the robot until he was caught one night by Dame Gothel who said she wanted the robot or she would send the food hygiene department round to condemn the gingerbread house. End of part one


Rapunzel was then forced to clean this huge castle which she did for years and years but Dame Gothel was not good to Rapunzel and never did any maintenance on the little robot who then started to go wrong with wires and things trailing along behind which in turn kept tripping up Dame Gothel.  In the end the grumpy Dame thought I have had enough of this and stuck the robot into a high tower with no doors and just a window, telling the robot she was going to get agency help in instead.

So the little robot was condemned to go round and round the room for ever with more and more wires and stuff trailing behind her; in the end there was so much the little robot threw the whole lot out of the window.  The next thing is a face at the window that had climbed up all the wires, cables and stuff saying ‘I am the terminator little robot’, and the little robot said you sound just like that Arnold Schwarzenegger.  And they ran off into the wood where The terminator accidently destroys the gingerbread house, and as it happens most of the nearby village, who think that Professor Frankenstein has been messing about with science again so arrive with fiery torches planning to burn down the gingerbread house. But Mrs Frankenstein is one sharp cookie (all that time living in a gingerbread house HAH HAHAHHHAH HHAHAHHHH HAHAHa). She dresses up as the grumpy Dame Gothel and says they are all in the castle burn down the castle which they do (the villagers do) and everyone lives happily ever after on gingerbread crumble.     

Almost everybody because at night a howling Zombie Biology teacher is said to walk through the woods chewing litmus paper.

The English teacher said IDIOT



  1. I read your blog title and thought of the monster of Dr Frankenstein, and thought that the monster is veRy stern, so I think it would be okay to rename the monster Frank-and-Stern. Now, off to make coffee this morning after a night of veRy little sleep, then begin reading your blog post ...

  2. A most eXceLLent story, now that is definitely something to be turned into a feature length movie but I think it is too good for Mr Steven Spielberg who seems to be ignoring your requests. If you decide to use any robots or maybe a dummy to play the part of Arnold because he is eXpensive, you could design a dummy using a Computer Aided Design program (CAD), and then you might win an a CAD dummy award! Hahahahahaha burped coffee, sorry, more haahaahaahaa.

    1. 'an a CAD dummy award!'...... HAH HAHAH HHAh hahhahah hahh hah hah ah hhaha ......well thought of Mr ESB.

      And yes Mr Steven Spielberg does seem to be ignoring my requests although to be fair I have not really tried too hard, lets face it I think he has to find me rather than the other way round because he must be contacted by thousands of people a week with a script.

      I am quiet happy to let him have any ideas quiet cheap too. After all my mind is full of stuff like this all the time, and it would be nice to see something reach a larger audience than the handful it does at present or in this case just you and me.

      Having said that your comment 'A most eXceLLent story' is most satisfying and worth loads of Mr Spielberg's money, although if he was to say it too would be nice......