Poetry for the Christmas Turkey

Uncle Fred decided that he wanted

A turkey for Christmas Dinner

That would shock the family, to the core

And leave everyone speechless

And in a state of disbelief, and silent awe

So he bought a monster, a huge organic beast

Genetically modified, to create a monstrous feast

And for several days it defrosted

There on the kitchen table

Which has dodgy legs, and is far from stable

Then on Christmas morning as the family all took Breath

And the huge giblets scared the cat half to death

They discovered it would not fit through the oven door

Even when the turkey’s legs were removed

Using dads chainsaw

So they hatched a plan and attacked the Bird

With hammers and drills; a method of cooking

Which was rather effective but looked quite absurd

And this is why the neighbours called the police

Who thought Uncle Fred was trying to eat his niece

But all was sorted and the police were able

To join the family at the dinning table

Well the bird was huge you see

And not to do so would be rude

Although the police sergeant,

After Auntie Dot did chase

Because Auntie Dot was running

Up the high street naked you see

With much concern  that the family

Would be yet again in disgrace . . .  Maybe?

Well Auntie Dot had been drinking since breakfast time

Russian Vodka watered down with red wine and Gin

Which explained her mad demonic grin

And the police sergeant will get some therapy

I’m sure the police department will make sure of that

As it is difficult to catch auntie Dot

When covered in lots of lots of fresh goose fat

And as always Christmas dinner in the end

Was a great success

Despite the fire

The flooding

And the awful mess

And now the turkey carcass sits like a decomposing dinosaur

Being chewed by the cat on the kitchen floor

But next year Uncle Fred says to avoid all the worry

He plans to order

A takeaway

Curry