Thursday, 10 December 2015

A fairytale about a Witch, a Prince, a Princess, and the Forbidden Forest which might not end quite as you suspect.

Once Upon a time on Christmas Day a handsome Prince headed off into the great forbidden forest to save the Princess. . . .As Princes do in all the best fairy tales. . . . Well after a while the Prince got lost and was also rather hungry. Luckily though in the darkness of the forest he saw a small light shining from the window of a rather rickety old cottage deep within the forest. As the Prince approached the door a old witch opened it and said
Ah you must be the Handsome Prince hoping to save the Princess

Why yes said the Prince

And I bet you’re really hungry and reckon you could eat a horse

Yes indeed I am starving said the Prince

Well as it Christmas day you can come in and I will see what I have added the old witch

As they entered and the Prince sat down at the Witches table the Witch pondered her larder and said

What about a roast mummified horse?

Ah no . . . not really what I had in mind said the Prince

Mmm I thought you would say that of course. . . . .

Well I have
Eye of Frog
Leg of Dog
Blood stained lettuce
And the Bark from a log

But the Prince said I would rather have something else

Well what about
Harry Potters Heart
Mud from the wheels of an old apple Cart
A big bowl of sick
And a Vicars Fart

OOoo yuck no said the Prince

You are a fussy Prince and that’s for sure said the Witch
What about
A Crows beak
A mouldy Leek
A large fresh slug
And intestines of a man who was always rather bleak

Ooooooo no thanks replied the Prince

Well OK What about
A cute Kitten’s diced left front paw
Or a wizards bones on which you could gnaw
Or deep fried worms or you could EVEN HAVE them Raw
With a small portion of lions Roar

With a small portion of lions Roar said the Prince in a slightly quizzical way
Look you don’t have something like Kentucky fried Chicken, Pancakes and ice cream and maybe some raspberry sauce

WHAT . . . .  shouted the Witch rather annoyed repeating it a few times
 I’m a witch you are in the Forbidden Forest not the local Little Chef

And with that she waved her arms about and in a flash the Prince was turned into a large Green Frog.  Well it just so happened that at that very moment the Princess turned up to see the witch. Well the Green Frog (the Prince) was rather pleased to see a Princess because he knew that if she kissed him he would turn back into a Handsome Prince.

The Princess spotting the smiling frog said OOOOOooooo a Frog and picked it up looking at its little (well not that little) face. The Prince (the frog) closed his eyes in readiness to be turned back into a Prince, but before you could shout Ooooo look a Seagull the Princess swallowed the frog and said Delicious I love Frogs.  Then turning to the Witch she said I don’t suppose you have seen a handsome Prince Father said there was one in the woods.  The Witch replying He is much closer than you realise my dear but I wouldn’t wait too long for him.

With that the Princess asked the Witch. . . Do you have one of those scaly serpents tails

I do love a fried twisty tail . . . . .  YUM

And they all lived happily ever after . . . . Well most of them did.    

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