Saturday, 13 December 2014

Part Four of Hogwarts V Jurassic World . . . Yo Ho Ho and a Bottle of Rum

As our heroic heroes arrive at the large and impressive outdoor performance pool for the Aquatic Dinosaurs of Jurassic World they spot Harry Potter, Hermione, Lily Luna and an assortment of young student wizards from Hogwarts. Lily Luna hanging over the side of the pool saying

dad dad dad dad  dad dad dad dad can I have a plesiosaur as a pet. . . . . I promise to look after it and clean outs its straw every week.

No Lily Luna I think you might be thinking of the wrong dinosaur.

But I want A PLESIOSAUR IT’S not fair.

However before the conversation continues it is interrupted by the arrival of Professor Franklin F F Frankenzompire  who is looking flustered, and is desperately attempting to un-jam his large and very scary machine gun. He is now being pursued by a large group of irritated pensioners who have chased him all the way from Customer Services.

Unfortunately for the professor while he was threatening the queues (who had amassed at Customer Services) with death for demanding a refund, he ended up with a jammed large scary machine gun. Now as anyone who has ever had to deal with the public will know . . . . you will never get away with threatening a coach party of pensioners if they think they are entitled to a refund or discount. And so any sign of weakness and they will attack like ferocious and totally irrational killer Zombies, so a jamming machine gun means you are a goner for sure.              
As the Professor passes the group he sees Harrison Ford-Cortina and throws his still jammed machine gun at him shouting things before leaping onto the edge of the pool still being chased by the coach party of pensioners.

Meanwhile as everyone else watches the rather strange spectacle of a gang of little old ladies hitting the professor on a small feeding platform forty feet above the pool the White Rabbit is focused on the distant horizon of the large bay beyond the pool.  Then as his packet watch chimes the hour he fires a flare gun high into the air, after a few seconds a flare is seen far off out at sea in response. Slowly but surely and generally unnoticed by most, a ship can be seen sailing towards Jurassic World, a ship with distinct sails flying the skull and crossbones.

By now Harry, Hermione and the young wizards of Hogwarts have settled down in the tiered seating of the vast performance pool to watch the grand finale.   Professor Franklin F F Frankenzompire having now resorted to using magic to defend himself from the relentless onslaught of little old ladies

Ooo the Grand Council of Wizards will not approve of that says Harry as another little old lady is turned into a Wild Mutant Raven.

Daaaaaaaaaad can I have a Wild Mutant Raven as a pet

No Lily Luna they are particularly aggressive and a bad choice by Professor Frankenzompire.

On the other side of the vast pool Young Higgs, Alice, The White Rabbit and Harrison Ford-Cortina are pushing the seriously enormous lock gates open that connect the performance pool to open ocean via a grand canal.

Now you have all seen the film, you all know that the large ocean going aquatic dinosaurs actually live out at sea and have been trained to enter the performance pool to do a few tricks like leap forty feet out of the water to get a tasty treat such as say a pensioner from a passing coach party.  What do you mean you have not seen the film (DAMN how was I to know it has not been released publically yet. . .  Sorry Mr Spielberg).

As the Lock gates open a large pirate ship sails into the pool its captain at the wheel laughing HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR shiver me timbers it be Master Higgs and Harrison Ford-Cortina . . . .  You are looking a bit different young Harrison since I last saw ye HAR HAR . . . . . . .  

Lily Luna turns to her dad and says that’s Captain Silver of Silvers Water Taxi’s who takes us to Hogwarts each term what is he doing here.

It is, and I don’t know yet, but I think that is a Plesiosaur over there too says Harry

Lily Luna claps her hands and says this is dead exciting I like Jurassic World.

To Be Continued.

Yes the Story has yet one more part to it as it reaches the grand finish where all will be revealed. 



  1. I hate it when someone gets jam or jelly on my firearms. Sometimes I wonder, could it be me? Then I see that its strawberry, no, it isn't me. I am off to make spaghetti soon ...

    1. AH YES spaghetti.. . . The Good, The Bad and the Ugly. I suspect you make the good spaghetti with a fist full of Garlic.

    2. Yes. You guessed garlic correctly. That is the flavor of Prego brand sauce I get, Italian Sausage & Garlic.