Forty Foot up on the
feeding platform Professor Franklin
Meanwhile way over on the other
side of the vast pool Captain Silver is chatting to our small band of hero’s
lead by The White Rabbit and Alice.
Well
Young Harrison Ford-Cortina you appear to be
Half Tyrannosaurus Rex now how did that happen
Harrison Ford-Cortina
growling and waving his hands (claws about) and adding the odd roar.
Well
you don’t say that’s terrible who did that then
Well
you mean Professor Franklin F F Frankenzompire, but hes a wizard he will be in
big trouble doing stuff like that.
At this point Master Higgs
butts in and says excuse me Captain but
do you understand what Harrison is saying.
Well
of course I do?
AH DAMN says the Captain.
What,
what did Harrison say enquires Master Higgs.
Well
he said that the Professor just disposed of the last little old lady and is
about to try and destroy us now as part of his mad evil plan.
As they all look towards
the Professor he is laughing hysterically and holding his wand high above his
head, but before he can cast his terrible spell a flock of Wild Mutant Ravens
swoop down on him making him lose his balance and slip. The Professor finding
himself hanging by his finger tips off the edge of the feeding platform with
his wand held between his teeth.
Harry turns to the young
student wizards of Hogwarts and says . . . You
see I said that turning little old ladies into Wild Mutant Ravens was not a
good idea and this is worth remembering for the future. You see you need to
think ahead and make sure that your magic does not backfire on you.
As the Professor attempts
to pull himself back onto the platform a rather large Plesiosaur emerges out of
the water and grabs the professor in its mouth pulling him down into the water.
Where deep in the depths of the performance pool the two of them struggle in a
fight to the death.
Well
that was a stroke of luck HAR HAR HAR says Captain Silver, Harrison Ford-Cortina
adding several growls and pointing at the masts.
You’re
Quite right Young Harrison its time to sail. .
. . . Here do you fancy a life as a pirate sailing the seven seas, working part
time as a taxi for Hogwart Students and having adventures as we chase sea
monsters and stuff. . . . it’s a grand life.
Harrison Smiles and nods
before vanishing up the mast to set the sails. (Those long claws are rather
useful if you are a pirate)
AH
that’s not fair say several of the young Hogwarts students to Harry . . . . .
why
cant we be pirates, just because Harrison
Ford-Cortina is half Tyrannosaurus Rex.
Well says Harry That is fate even a wizard cant change fate.
As the pirate ship returns
to sea Master Higgs, Alice and The White Rabbit slip below deck where a large
mirror stands in the captains Room. Time
to go Home says Alice and the three of them leap through the mirror
ready for the next great adventure.
Back by the pool Harry,
Hermione and the others are watching the big fight underwater, but just as the
professor comes up for air a large smiling cat appears and says
Beware
the Jabberwockysarus my friends
Hermione and Harry look at
one another and say. . . YICKS Time to
get the coach back home I THINK . . . Leaving Professor Franklin F F
Frankenzompire in a tricky position with a large Plesiosaur hanging onto one
leg and the Jabberwockysarus licking its
lips on the side of the pool.
The END
I noticed that they have no conversations about trigonometry. I had the diner owner telling me that I had taught her something about trig but I don't remember anything about it. I think she is confused about that and calculus. It is cold here but not enough for snow. One dog is sitting on my elbow and the other one is below my feet. Meanwhile a headache is ravaging my brain neighborhood. I thought I heard Santa's reindeer on my roof, but I think it was rain instead that is the proof. There were some deer remains on my lawn, so they must be coming up out of the canyon nearby to feed on lawns and shrubs.
ReplyDeletetrigonometry, calculus and possibly invisible deer plus dogs balancing on you or undermining the ground you stand on are all things that could lead to a headache I suspect. . . . .
DeleteParticularly the tunneling dog it sounds like he is up to something.
I hadn't thought of Cooper as tunneling before. I put a towel on the floor in front of the couch where I sit and caLL it his "Cooper Carpet" which he gets eXcited about, then he wiLL get a chew bone and settle down right in front of me and then I wiLL prop my left foot on his back and rub his back and shoulders. So yes, tunneling. The tiny dog does not understand this process at aLL. She is slowly starting to act like him. She has her own forms of tunneling, hiding completely under the couch.
DeleteA small dog that tunnels may be a Mole.
DeleteAfter reading this tale from the beginning, not only do I feel as though I've been dragged through a hedge backwards, but that I stumbled from the hedge only to be hit by a ten ton truck, which then reversed back over me and run me over a third time as it plunged forward, thereby causing my body to be flung through the air, where I landed on a railway line within sight of a speeding train.
ReplyDeleteAh it is good you read the tale from the beginning because it makes a lot more sense. . . . OK when I say sense I am not entirely telling the truth, but you made it to the end and that is good even though you had a problem with a hedge, a large truck and a railway with a speeding train approaching you at speed.
DeleteAt first folk will say Ooooooo that can't be good but I bet no one ever said that about JK Rowling's Harry Potter tales. . . .O NO only I Rob Z Tobor can turn a popular worldwide story into a terrible disaster.
I s'ppose an interesting way to rewrite Harry Potter would be to take the eXact text and replace every noun and adjective with a much longer and a rarer word. I am sure this could be done in a fairly pro-grammar-aticaLLy manner with a database and semi-random word generator. Hairy Potter and The Saurus Get Stoned.
ReplyDeletenot many folk say. . . . fairly pro-grammar-aticaLLy manner . . . . and make it make sense.
DeleteI am glad its Friday, but I am not eXactly sure why. It has been a rough weak and I kinda wish I was in South Dakota, to be with family there. I am not sleeping veRy weLL for the whole week either, here I am up at 3 AM.
DeleteI worry you are working too hard Mr ESB, it is good to work but not good to be stressed. . . . I suggest a nice break and a pair of clip on antlers for you and Cooper and a long chill with the family and ponder all your grand achievements. I am sort of doing the same although I am trying to squeeze huge amounts of holly and ivy into the dinning room plus loads of fairy lights
DeleteYou cant have too many fairy lights.
I wrote you an email.
DeleteI like the antler idea but I suspect Cooper would not go for them. EspeciaLLy if he looked in a mirror.