As I am off on a secret mission which is a secret
my diary will not be written for a few days, and no one else wishes to write it
while I’m away on the grounds it is rubbish. So in order to keep folk amused
(or not) until my triumphant return I have rewritten an old favourite fairy
tale, I am no fool, I know it is best to keep to a winning formula to please
the punters.
So this is it for now until it is time to
start my diary again. I have my trusty pointy stick and will be hunting strange
monstrous beasts as I travel.
The Greatest Fairy Tale of all Time
Icy Black and the Seven Giants
Once upon a time there was a grumpy young
prince called Icy Black who would wander about the castle of his step-father the
King muttering and complaining at crows and seagulls and some of the servants;
who would say things like if you grump
like that young master Black the wind will change direction and you will be
grumpy for life and look like a big Frog. Prince Icy Black would always
shout GOOD and stamp about until someone gave him ice cream to keep him quiet.
His step-father, King Arthur had a large round table (a talking table) and each
day he would ask it table,table in the
hall who is the happiest of them all, and the table would always say
KING ARTHUR.
Then as Prince Icy Black got older he
started to really get on the nerves of everyone with his constant grumpiness
and then one day when King Arthur said table,table
in the hall who is the happiest of them all the table said Boris the Greengrocer, the King was
shocked and asked the table why and of course it was because after nineteen
years of grumpiness Prince Icy Black was making everyone unhappy.
The King thought OK I have
had enough of this and sent Prince Icy Black into the forest and gave the nod
to the knights to sort of chop his head off. But once in the forest Prince Icy
Black complained so much the knights forgot about killing him and stuck cotton
wool in their ears and ran back to the castle.
Then as it got dark and
prince Icy Black was moaning he was cold and hungry he came across a huge house,
as he pushed the door open he was confronted by seven giants who looked at him
and complained and grumped for at least an hour about strangers turning up and
leaving doors open and not wearing matching shoes.
It turned out that the
seven giants were even grumpier than Prince Icy Black which made him very happy
so it was a bit of a shock several weeks later when King Arthur asked the round
table table,table in the hall who is the
happiest of them all the table said Prince
Icy Black. Everyone at the castle thought O NO he might come back so a
plot was hatched and an apple was laced with a magic sleeping potion and one of
the knights returned to the forest where he made a tower of five apples outside
the house of the seven giants. Of course Prince Icy Black could not resist
saying he was going to eat the bottom apple destroying the tower, but as he did
so he fell asleep and snored really loudly.
When the seven giants
returned from their day job of guarding a small village from a group of
Japanese samurai bandits they thought, we cant cope with all that snoring so
put Prince Icy Black in a sound proof glass box in the woods. As time passed everyone lived happily until
one day a passing princess saw Prince Icy Black and thought Ooooooo I know I
will kiss him, and all in an instant he turned into a huge frog and got in a
right strop leaping about shouting, so the princess ran off. After chewing a
few flies Prince Icy Black thought I know I will go and see King Arthur he will
be pleased to see me.
Haha I love this, so many fairy tales combined to make something totally unique. I'm still wondering how you can 'sort of' chop someone's head off.
ReplyDeleteYes you are right Miss Laura it is all or nothing with chopping heads off in fairy tales.
DeleteFor the fun of it, I am reading this blog post paragraph by paragraph in random order. So that means I wiLL most likely read some paragraph(s) more than one time before I am finished.
ReplyDeleteSince you wiLL be gone for a long time I am pacing myself and only reading one paragraph per day. I was thinking about not eating until you return, but then I thought, utt ohh, what if he dies while on his great journey or kidnapped and held in slavery in a cold dark underground moldy Ch_nese factory, cranking out ultra modern Apple iPxxxx products, then I would die of starvation instead of rescuing Rob from the evil grasp of The Sino Overlords. It can be a movie where some dwarf plays the part of me, say Tom Cruise, and somebody like that guy from Star Wars that I can't remember what his name is but initials are HF can play the part of Rob, unless you want someone else in which case I would need someone else, or maybe even two someones. Would that be 'sometwo' for the double? I am hungry now, time for breakfast in Texas ...
DeleteI have returned Mr ESB. . . . .
DeleteI was rather hoping that David Tennant would play the part of me as he is slightly eccentric and from Scotland. And would make a brilliant RZT.
I didn't know who he is, so googling him, I typed 'David ' then just as soon as I typed a T he was the top choice so that would make him an acceptable choice, plus the Scottish connection, and the Dr Who eXpperience. I am glad you are back as my life has been completely on hold in a comatose hibernating manner awaiting your return. Hhaahhaahhaa, not reaLLy! We have been busy getting ready for our new toy, the embroidery machine, on late Monday. We are also studying lasers. But now it is time for coffee, post-nap and post-buffalo burger.
DeleteWhen you say lasers do you mean laser cutters, laser printers or a huge death ray to take over the world.
DeleteAs it happens for reasons I am not allowed to tell about huge death lasers just do not work on Earth due to atmosphere problems. So don't go for that option unless you are planning to use it in space.
Cuting with lasers. In other words: making cute things
DeleteThere would be the occasional cutting.
I am busy first with the embroidery machine, star ting tomorrow. Tomorrow seems like a good time to start because it has the word row in it and I think there is a tendency to have rows of things string.
Good luck with the new machine and your new ideas on string theory . . . .
DeleteCute is good there is money in cute things....
A mad mixture of legends, of fairy tails and me thinks you might of been hanging around with a very large, small caterpillar. I shall go ask Alice when she's ten inches tall.....
ReplyDeleteMy brain is full of hairy caterpillars.
Delete