Wednesday 14 November 2012

The Speed of Dark, Mr H, Professor Brian Cox and the New Scientist Magazine


As some of you will know among the various dimensions of cyberspace I am the grand leader of a small elite group of thinkers whose thoughts manifest themselves within their own various blogs. We are know as RATs which stands for Radical Abstract Thinkers and the objective is to apply radical abstract thinking to what ever takes our fancy at the time. One of the group yesterday came up with The Speed of Dark as apposed to The Speed of Light and I thought that sounds damn clever Mr H (the member of RATswhose idea it is) so in the best tradition of science I am nicking his idea. You might think that is not fair but science is littered with people who have nicked other folks ideas. Mr H himself is keen to point out that he has had several of his ideas nicked now, but is adamant that his brains have not been sucked out by a strange alien machine in the woods with a strange unearthly unrelenting flashing blue light at its source. Mr Jones says they have tried to get him several times with this terrible mind sucking beam and on one occasion he even heard a strange voice as if speaking through a megaphone saying to him We know you are hiding in the bushes Mr Jones now come out with your hands up and we will just pop down to the station and file a report again . . . . . . .sigh. Well as Mr Jones says we all know what that means they planned to remove all his thoughts and turn him into a Zombie Alien being.



OK yes back to The Speed of Dark, I was telling the Physics teacher about this and explaining that dark travels instantaneously because it is not fixed by the speed of light and therefore by using a dark beam it would be possible to leap across the universe in no time. So if we were to build a Dark Anti-Light Particle Beam Engine then I would be famous and win a Nobel Prize for coming up with a brilliant idea. The Physics teacher was very enthusiastic and made loads of notes and was scribbling little formula and the like as explained my idea (yes OK my nicked idea from Mr H). Then the lunch bell went and well lunch is important so I ran off and ate loads. . . . . . . . YUM

After lunch we had IT and the IT teacher said she wanted to show us the Physics teachers new theory which he has just submitted to the New Scientist Magazine which apparently is going to feature the physics teacher on the cover with that   Professor Brian Cox pointing at a mock up of a Dark Anti-Light Particle Beam Engine. Well that is a bit of a cheek the physics teacher has submitted my idea (OK yes MrH’s idea) as his own that’s terrible, I can see an expensive protracted legal action that lasts for years going on so I wish Mr H luck with that. I must remember to submit my own evidence first, next time I nick someone’s ideas before I discuss it with others.  I wonder if I can get my hands on one of those beams that suck’s brains out. . . . . . . .Mum has just said IDIOT

Ooooooo yes Heavy Harry the Cat appears to be back to normal and is his old grumpy self again now. 

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15 comments:

  1. I have not read Mr H yet, but I would guess that since Darkness is negative, The Speed of Dark is -1. I also noticed in the opening that you used the word 'elite' to describe us and I [hah hah'd] because I saw the lite. In the past I have created the opposite word for enlightenment as endarkenment.

    I had a minor problem with my old Yamaha keyboard. It seems that the former housekeeper put some chemical on the rubber cushions at the base, and they turned into a horrible mess. After about a day of perplexedmentalness I finaLLy figured out how to use a toothpick and a paper towel to get aLL the icky ness mess addressed. So I have been composing and practicing with the Kaossilator Pro with the Yamaha feeding into it. The keyboard sounds much better comng through the Bose NR Headphones, so it doesn't pickup the mechanical noise of the keyboard, super improvement! I did get a simpler sound cable, so now I wiLL neXt eXperiment recording the sound using the PC as a recorder as soon as I instaLL the Audacity DAW. New toys!

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    1. I wish you well with your musical experiments I am trying to work out how to get any multi-tracking I do onto a PC, and then into an up-loadable format without spending any money what so ever. I think I am getting there slowly (moving out of a state of endarkenment) but many other things in life are keen to distract me from this task. I think we need longer days as the present ones fly by at The Speed of Dark.

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    2. I have not been able to find the time to do the Audacity yet, but I think it does multi track stuff for free. I was busy making a German Chocolate Cake for the diner as a holiday present. I made it there just in time for Jesus to have a piece of cake. He wasn't working and I didn't recognize his voice at first because e was behind me sitting at the big communal table where several people play cards. I am hoping that the diner's owner gets out of prison soon. We aLL miss her bright shiny face and smile. WeLL, I am off to read your latest blog post, wish me luck .... Oh, I did spend too much time thinking a bout the speed of darkness today hahahaha.

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    3. Not many people get to say to Jesus "Let them eat cake".

      I hope you friend is back soon, I assume she is not some mad mass murderer with a bright smiling face like Jack Nicholson in The Shinning.

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    4. Although I am THE creator of the theory of the Speed of Dark, I am usually useless at technical stuff but I can confirm that Audacity does do multi track.... and rather well to boot!

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    5. Hello Mr H we appear to be in time travel mode now. As if life is not complex enough as it is.

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  2. You can measure the speed of dark by watching how long it takes for the sun to set. The speed of dark is faster in the winter.

    The real question is, does this affect the speed of Darkwing Duck?

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    1. DAMN it Addman I have had to Google Darkwing Duck now. Here I am trying to be all scientific and I find myself watching a cartoon of Darkwing Duck, what will that Professor Brian Cox think now. My attempts at advancing science are not taken seriously on this blog. I am going to write and complain to MMMm mMMMMMMMM mMMMM someone.

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  3. Et Tu Rob!?! Et TU!?!?

    If I see that Brian Cox tweeting about the speed of dark I'm going to cut his flipping fringe off.

    I know for a fact that he won't say anything though, I have it on good authority that his diploma in science is a fake and he is a keyboard player for a pop band in the 1990's.

    wait in minute? Does that make him a time traveller?

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    1. I did try and find a piece of music from the band in the nineties that Professor Brian Cox was in as the musical ending but to tell the truth it was all just a bit sugary for my taste. I don't blame the Prof, I am sure it is not his fault. To tell the truth I think I prefer him as a Professor rather than a pop star even if his diploma is a fake one. As one anonymous cab driver once said I HAD THAT PROFESSOR BRIAN COX IN THE BACK OF MY CAB ONCE.

      I bet he has a few views about time travelling too (Professor Brian Cox not the cab driver), OK the cab driver does too I'm sure, maybe there is a good TV show there 'The Cabby and the Scientist' I can see that working on the small screen, a black cab arrives at Jodrell Bank and our loveable cabby turns and says to the Prof SO WHAT ALL THIS THEN BRIAN and we smoothly sweep into episode one of the long running popular science show that saves the BBC

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    2. COR BLIMEY THAT SPACE IS BIG PROFESSOR . . . . . . . . I thought I better practice being a cab driver...

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    3. I like that idea A LOT! might be time do do a little poorly drawn animation on that there you tubes. hmmmmmmm...

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    4. Never use the tube myself Guv, us cabbies need to make a few quid up here on the surface, know what I mean. . . . . . Marble Arch did you say I know a short cut.

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    5. Just realised this is an old post! I thought to myself "blimey how has Rob managed to write all this and get so many comments already!?!?!?" I am a stupidhead! hahahaha

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    6. I was just showing that we have covered the subject rather well our selves and science should find its own ideas.

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