Thursday, 14 February 2013
The goat, the flower shop and the last orchid
All is well with the power today (so far) and it has also been sunny and is due to be sunny for a few days so WELL COOL, tomorrow is the day to let our electricity supplier know how much electricity we have generated in the last quarter. It is a day dad likes, it is always good to get money from your main supplier of power rather than to give them money, although this last quarter has been a little disappointing for solar panels mainly because we have seen very little sun. The solar panels have been on the roof a whole 12months now and over that period have generated enough power to easily pay for the entire cost of all our power usage over the same period so effectively we have zero energy costs and are energy neutral. This is why dad always smiles on sunny days and chases seagulls away from the solar panels who he says have been hired by the electricity suppliers to shade the sun from the solar panels of all members of the general public, not that it has not been a good twelve months for sun in the UK. It also means we can switch things on without any real worry about cost of energy. Well maybe the latest 50 foot high 1950’s electrically powered robot used a lot of power but then it short circuited yesterday when it malfunctioned and hit a wooden post with a large transformer on and had 11,000 volts arcing out of its head causing a bit of an explosion. Dad thought it best not to tell mum and has told me to keep it a secret . . . . . . . . . . . . . AH DAMN . . . . . Dad has said IDIOT but luckily mum has distracted him by hitting him on the head with the armadillo toaster . . . . . . . PHEW.
Because it is Valentines Day today Esmeralda thought someone should get her loads of flowers, she asked for volunteers but we all thought it best to runaway very fast and hide. So in an act of rebellion she aimed the steam powered catapult at the flower shop and gave the goat strict instructions on what to bring back, red roses and expensive orchids. Well there were mutterings that this was all going to end in tears and sure enough it did.
I will say Esmeralda has certainly got her eye in with range finding these days and there is no denying that both her and the goat make a formidable force to be reckoned with but there one weakness still is communication. You see no matter how long we have all spent trying to get the goat to speak the English language it still has not mastered a single word, it does not help that the goat always eats all its English language books and its homework. And Esmeralda also is not great with languages either and is something of a traditionalist in as much that if someone does not understand her she shouts at them . . . . . .This is very traditional in Britain particularly is someone is trying to get directions; you would be amazed by how many foreign tourists have gone deaf trying to find the Tower of London.
AH DAMN distracted . . . . . . Yes the goat and the flower shop, the goat landed perfectly right in front of the roses as planned but then promptly ate all of them, in fact the goat thought flowers were food (goats think everything is food). So as the goat worked its way through the flowers the owners of the flower shop hit the goat with a large wreath saying GOODBYE UNCLE JACK. This is water off a ducks back to the goat; he has after all been chased by the entire staff of a large supermarket throwing bar code readers at him. What was a surprise was goats do not eat orchids so when the goat returned he did have several orchids discreetly hidden about his person (?) so Esmeralda was very happy . . . . . . PHEW.
However as I said it did end in tears because as we passed the flower shop on the school bus heading home after school the owners of flower shop were very distraught and crying describing a goat to a policeman, as were many husbands who had rushed into to get flowers because they had suddenly thought ******* its Valentines Day DAMN . . . . only to find out all the flowers had been eaten by a goat, although there were several men fighting over the last orchid……