Tuesday, 26 February 2013

Long Lost Relatives and Helicopters

Earlier today My long lost relative Miss Anne and her husband Mr Chris came to visit us and we all ate food and chatted about things like life the universe and cats and dogs and how to escape from a helicopter. It might sound odd to some that we discussed escaping from a helicopter but on a show of hands it was revealed that 75% of those present knew how to do this; well they knew how to do this as long as the helicopter landed in the sea. Although Miss Anne said that she might need the assistance of a diver with some decent underwater cutting equipment and we did all agree that this would certainly make the whole process considerably easier. Ooooo yes and all agreed that the helicopter had to be a Sikorsky 61 because everyone knew where the windows and doors are on one of those when it is upside-down.

Miss Anne and Mr Chris also left their dog at home because it likes cats, sorry I mean it likes to eat cats, it has something to do with the breed of dog it is a sort of husky type dog and out in the wilds where the snow can be deep and drift there is little food except the occasional passing cat and arctic explorer with a huge mechanical JCB thing.

 Miss Anne and Mr Chris then had to get back home to make sure the dog was happy and had not eaten all the neighbourhood cats, they have not lived in their present home long enough to be forgiven by the village for the loss of all the local cats. But in their haste to escape from my diary it appears that Mr Chris left his Porsche behind, I know not easily done but its true, dad has offered to drive it back to him very very fast it he needs it. But apparently Mr Chris has a spare one at home so PHEW that’s lucky. . . .           

Oooo must go and eat again I will return……

Ooooooooo (again) its ages later now, it just goes to show that if you stop and sit down it is very hard to get up again and do stuff and it is therefore best to do the stuff before you sit down. And I have also forgotten exactly what I was planning to write at the time, although when I say plan I don’t mean plan because I tend just to wave my hands in the general direction of the keyboard and hope for the best. I have it on good authority that all the best writers wear a blindfold and woolly gloves when they type and so I type like I have a blindfold and woolly gloves on.  

AH I think that’s it.



  1. Blimey Rob! You cant just go around telling folk that YOU know how to get out of an upside down helicopter and NOT TELL THE REST US!!
    What if us RaTS are having a jolly good pic-a-nic and somehow Richard Branston(pickle) has offered to fly us there in one of his choppers and while telling us about trains and balloons and how hard it is to sell CD's he looses control and HEY PRESTO we're all downside up! I'll look to you for advice on what to do next ... but you'll be long gone. Escaping in a secret way with nobody looking....

    Either that or EVERYONE knows how to get out of a helicopter and I look really stoopid now.

    1. There is one small flaw in the great helicopter escape training program that we all did and that is remembering how to remove the window when you are upside-down and underwater in a sinking helicopter in water that is almost freezing. While remembering to tell yourself remain calm.

      But the important points are as follows. Firstly don't panic

      Then don't undo your safety belt util the helicopter has stopped moving assuming it has rolled upside-down

      Then whatever you do NEVER inflate your life jacket in the helicopter if it is upside-down or you will never get out.

      and finally make sure you know where to get out before it crashes into the sea as folk will be busy and may not tell you once you are underwater and upside-down.

  2. Cooper is half Husky but fuLLy hates cats.

    I have absolutely no eXperience with helicopters. I wiLL have to put this on a list of things to do. WeLL, there is a helicopter plant in AmariLLo that is the final assembly point for aLL V-22 Ospreys, so we see them quite often taking maiden flights. They are going to start making a very large passenger helicopter there soon, I think a new model. I applied for several jobs there, but no success. I don't think my particular training and eXperience matched very weLL.

    1. I think the word blindfold is interesting, bcause when you fold most things it is like half the object "disappears" - becomes blind, no longer visible. I just noticed that I speLLed because wrong earlier, but I think I like bcause but I probably won't use it unless I move to a tiny island where there is a lack of e's.

    2. I do not like helicopter much they are rather noisy beasts to be in.

      I also Like Bcause because it comes after the Acause HAHA HAHHHAH HAH HAH HAH AH HAH H HAH AH HHAH HAHH AHH AH HAHHAh ah hhaha

    3. You made me giggle! Jesus is not here today so the owner of the diner has been trying to cheer me up.

  3. I can't even afford bus fare, so I doubt I'll be getting in a helicopter anytime soon.

    Last one I went on, was in Legoland...no, not the itty bitty tiny helicopter. They had a giant Lego helicopter, that you could control to go up and down and all around...or at least the lil man did. I have a fear of heights and spent the whole time with my eyes shut, screaming for my mum. :)

    1. I don't think I would trust a helicopter made of Lego the two things do not fit easily together as a concept in my mind. I am not a great lover of the real things so one made of small bricks seems mad to me.

      The Lil man must have more faith in Lego than me, I always preferred Meccano it always felt more like the real thing, I would go in a helicopter made of Meccano