Thursday, 7 February 2013
Badgers, Big Mac's and Chillies, home alone with a Pizza
It’s a funny old world at times there I was eating my Pizza and pondering about whether if I placed a needle in the centre and span it like a top it would allow me to sprinkle an even coating of chilli flakes on my Pizza, It sounded easy enough but in practice did not work at all well because to get the pizza to spin in a stable fashion involved it rotating at a speed that meant most of the topping flew off, resulting in a bit of a mess which despite blaming on the cats got me into a bit of bother. Anyway that is as the saying goes by the by, why does the saying go ‘by the by’ it makes no sense to me what so ever.
As I was finishing the last of my pizza everyone announced that they were all off to The GUILD of GROTESQUES and GARGOYLES for the night and have left me home alone, well I say home alone but there are two cats staring at me who are not happy because firstly I blamed them for the Pizza spinning miscalculation and secondly because they are covered in cheese and chilli flakes. When you live out in the wilds surrounded by wild country foxes and badgers it is not particularly streetwise to go out exploring in the woods when you smell of cheese chilli and Pizza because to a wild beast these are smells that are worth pursuing at all costs. There is many an evening when Mr Jones the Alien hunter has had his Big Mac eaten by badgers as he hides in the bushes, he says, he has had more run ins with badgers than the police and both pinch his Big Mac’s although only the badgers eat the polystyrene carton too.
In general, today was yet again very quiet, Esmeralda is excused school until she is no longer bright green. Her attempt to go to buy her own Big Mac last night was a bit of a disaster first the staff thought she was a Martian because she was bright green, so screamed a lot and ran about so would not serve her. Then Mr Jones who has established that a Big Mac will always help in communicating with Aliens bought Esmeralda her Big Mac. But then Mr Jones does have a habit of hunting Aliens naked. So he then found himself in the police station trying to explain why he was buying bright green aliens Big Macs with no clothes on while a policeman ate Mr Jones Big Mac. As for Esmeralda she had sort of borrowed the A level project Invisibility Cloak and was able to make her escape although sadly Freddie’s ferret got wind of her Big Mac and ate it while she was being distracted by a badger and still in shock from a naked alien hunter leaping about in front of her with two Big Mac’s.
I’m really sorry not much is happening at present maybe once the sun turns up and it is warm again things will be less boring……… at this rate I will be discussing a fly walking up a window. As it happens that is a bit odd because a fly will fly into a window presumably because it can’t see the window, so why then does it walk on something it can’t see. And if it can see the window to walk on it, then it should not fly into it.