Sunday, 16 November 2014

The Wicker Man Returns or Harry Potter and the Dark Clouds of Doom (Part two)

Link to PART ONE

As the huge Parents of the baby Zombie Eagle circle over Hogwarts making a terrible noise the baby Eagle is getting more and more agitated and after a very loud burp it suddenly regurgitates a decomposing goats head and then poo’s all over Harry’s desk ruining a whole load of important paperwork.

Ooooooo Yuck says Lily Luna no one told me eagles did that Yuck I hate eagles the smell is terrible I think I’m going to be sick.

Harry opens his window and above he can see two huge and rather angry birds circling and below he can hear the voice of Hagrid as he staggers out of bed still half asleep.

Hello Polly whats up. . . .whats that you say someone has stolen your baby and it has been hidden in hogwards. . . . . hang on I will go and see Harry potter and make sure who ever it is punished.

With that Hagrid vanishes into the building below and Harry and his children hear the footsteps of a large man who is not as fit as he should be making his way as fast as he can up the stairs while muttering about installing an elevator.

Harry’s office door busts open and Hagrid staggers in, out of breath shouting. . . .

Some idiot has stolen the baby Zombie Eagle what sort of fool would do that we need to find it and return it quick. . . . . As Hagrid looks up he sees the baby Eagle sitting on Harry’s desk eating inkpots and trying to swallow the decomposing goats head again.. . . . . . AH its here we need to get it home pronto or its parents will pull the building apart.

Yes Hagrid I quite agree you can do that cant you, I will try and clean the mess up here said Harry

As Hagrid carries the baby Eagle back to the wood Lily Luna looks out of the window and says

I hate Eagles I really hate Eagles they smell.

The following day peace had come to Hogwarts yet again although as we have learnt life in a school full of kids is chaotic enough so when they are wizard kids and the academy is a weird castle in a land full of magic peace is a bit like unicorn teeth or chicken horns, not very likely. So it is not a shock to most of you to learn that as Harry works away in his office while drinking a coffee he is interrupted by his daughter Lily Luna, saying.

I don’t need an eagle or anything like that anymore I have made my own pet now called Wally

Well that is excellent well done and what is Wally

He is Wally the Wicker man

WHAT  . . . . . . .

Yes look and with that Lily Luna pulled am eighteen inch high wicker man from out of the bag she was carrying

PHEW . . . . . said Harry just for a moment I though you were going to tell me it was twenty five feet tall and in the courtyard.

No Daddy I’m only little that would be silly James Sirius and Albus Severus made that one. LOOK IT’S looking at you through the Window.

AAAAuuuuggghhhh said Harry dropping his coffee, I don’t like wicker men we had a bit of a misunderstanding in the past so maybe we could set fire to them a bit.

As Harry moved away from the window where a large pair of eyes were looking at him Wally the Wicker man was biting his leg and trying to set fire to his shoes with a box of matches. Then Hermione busts into the office and says

Dear God Harry have you seen what those kids of yours have made in the courtyard it’s a bloody great wicker man , its apparently called Wiki the Wicker man what kind of stupid name is that

I thought of that name said Lily Luna bursting into tears which in turn really upsets Wally who shouts stuff at Harry and Hermione which Wiki the Wicker man hears and gets all angry about as he rips out the window of the office.   

I THINK THIS MIGHT BE ONE OF THOSE DARK CLOUDS OF DOOM again says Harry hiding under his desk.




  1. If I were Harry, I'd just spend all day in bed watching Mr Ben and Bagpuss repeats and avoiding those dark clouds of doom.

    1. Bagpuss the Zombie cat who at night hunts down small unsuspecting cartoon characters and devours them. what ever happened to him he was so popular and them he just vanished. . Such is the way of Zombies and cats

    2. Ooooooo you cant beat a good Cloud of Doom

  2. I'm not going to go back and read the backlog of Harry adventures, I'll just pretend I did. It was excellent. I'm sure both Mr Speilberg and Ms Rowling will be beating down your door any day now.

    1. Well I suspect their solicitors might be. But I will say I'm mad and it is all to do with the the small winged critter that sits on the clock telling me to do stuff. . . . . . if that fails I could try the old Harry Who never heard of him. . . . .

      Or I will tell them they are really really really nice and I'm an old grumpy bloke who no one has notice.

  3. Your first paragraph .... DiFFeReNT