Thursday 30 October 2014

The Greatest Harry Potter Halloween Story Ever Told. . . . .Starring The Wicker Man




Once upon a time when it was trendy to send young wizards off to Hogwarts Academy, before the incident in the long hall with the cat and the large jug, a young farmer arrived from the mountains of Transylvania called Frankie Moon-star (yes it was the sixties the days of silly names). He was just an ordinary chap not a wizard so was mocked and laughed at by the pupils of Hogwarts and told to go away.  So he set up a smallholding on the outskirts of the magic forest growing organic vegetables and suitable canes for wands.  He was quite successful in business and this was resented by the young wizard pupils of Hogwarts because he was what they called a muggle. And they really thought he should not even be there.

He was left alone most of the year but at Halloween every pupil at Hogwarts would turn up as dusk fell and make his life hell. In particular a Mr Harry Potter and a Miss Hermione Granger would shout and scream all sorts of stuff at him (like Mimiosso Ayucky poous) and do stuff like turn his courgettes into pigs, tomatoes into bananas and turn all his clothes pink. They did this because they said Frankie Moon-star was a very silly name.

Then one year Frankie made a huge Wicker Man out of Willow from the Magic Forest in a desperate effort for a quiet time, it was dead scary to look at and he placed it at the entrance to his small holding.  What he did not know was that because it was made out of willow that came from the Magic Forest the young Wizards were unable to pass. O yes they tried all sorts of spells and stuff but the Wicker Man stood his ground. Every year after that Frankie Moon-star would make a new Wicker Man and no matter how hard the young wizards tried they could not get past.

The years passed and Frankie got older and older, but he was happy now because the young wizards never came and annoyed him ever again.  Frankie often passed the time with Lord Voldemort who also complained about the young Wizards and said they were ruining his reputation as a Magic act for children’s parties and it was all that Harry’s fault.

Then one day just before Halloween Frankie died, but he was very old and life had been good, however all the pupils at Hogwarts led by an ageing Mr Harry Potter and a Miss Hermione Granger decided to take revenge. With no Wicker Man to stop them they set off through the Magic Forest (chanting Gump Gump Gump Gump) all the way to the house and formed a ring round it (The Wizards Ring of Fire), and then sent fireballs into the house using their wands, setting it alight. They laughed and laughed in a mad wizard way, but never noticed all the Wicker Men slowly creeping up behind them. By the time they did the Wicker Men had linked arms meaning no one could escape. All the young wizards screamed and shouted and ran about and Harry and Hermione hid in a water barrel but it was all futile. The Wicker Men slowly shuffled towards the house and as they did got hotter and hotter and started to burn.




The following morning there was nothing but a large charred patch of land all the Wicker Men, the Wizards, Harry Potter, Hermione Granger and the house had all vanished. Hogwarts of course never really recovered from the loss of all those young wizards and after the incident in the long hall with the cat and the large jug it had to close. It has been turned into a theme park now and it is perpetually full of muggles pointing at fake wizards much to the amusement of the Ghost of Freddie Moon-star who likes to pop by every Halloween to snigger at the waxwork of Harry Potter. Who unable to move says . . . I sugose you gink gats gunny

7 comments:

  1. I was fortunate to have not been named during the Silly Name Era.

    I did experience something strange just now. The waitress came by and asked me, "Why can't I be on a plane getting drunk right now?" I was surprised until I realized that was the content of the song currently playing on the juke box. I was busy reading your blog and hadn't noticed. The current song (now) is Sweet Child of Mine by Guns 'N Roses, a much better song.

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    1. There are many Halloween stories on many blogs today Mr ESB and my little tale is lost in the huge voids of darkness of Cyberspace. so next year I will write my Halloween story at an entirely different time of year that should do the trick (or treat)

      I do not know of the first song but the words seem a little odd indeed

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    2. It is Halloween here - are you still in Halloween there? It is 5:47 PM here ...

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    3. It appears that there are only 5 hours difference between you and me at the moment. I think our clock change an hour on Sunday mourning, or is it "moaning" when people complain about the time change ... maybe both.

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    4. It is still Halloween as I type this but with just under one hour to go. I fear that a Zombie might lose a glass slipper as it staggers back home. But it will be found by a Prince who will then find the Zombie and kiss it. Which will turn the Prince into a Frog, something Zombies are rather partial to as a small snack between meals.

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  2. A suitable grisly end, to a grisly duo. May their wands melt in the ashes of time and their invisibility cloaks no longer be...er...visible...

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    1. It appears the blog is having one of its quietest days in a long time. . . . How odd. . . . But I have a plan I will revive Harry Potter from the dead in a cunning story of treachery and desire. That might work I will ponder a story. . . .

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