Tuesday 16 September 2014

Scottish Independence . . Latest Poll (sorry pole) points to a surprise.




I was looking at the BBC News on the internet catching up with the world news and stuff and just happen to notice that it appears if Scotland becomes independent it will move the geographic centre (the balancing point) of the UK to just a few miles away. Well when I say a few I mean about 30-ish miles, well that is quite exciting, sort of, and it would be really good to be the middle of something. So I would like to propose that maybe the rest of the UK could give Scotland just enough of Northern England to make my house the exact centre.  I would then be able to erect a thing on a long pole with pointy bits that pointed at all the places around the UK saying things like the sea 200 miles or London 200 miles or Manchester 200 miles or Scotland 200 Miles or even France 200 miles or the USA 200 miles.  You will notice that everything would be exactly the same distance away, but that is one of the really cool things about being exactly in the middle of everything. Everything is exactly the same distance from you or you can’t be in the middle.

It is a little know fact that ancient man built Stonehenge in order that they would know where the middle was, it is why many stone circles are round as finding the middle of a round thing is far easier as the accent Britain’s did not have GPS or theodolites and survey equipment, they were far more dependant on the instincts of goats.


Anyway I would like to pledge right now that in the event of a YES vote for Scottish Independence and a small concession where the rest of the UK hand over a bit of the North of England, (A goodwill gesture). That I Rob Z Tobor will build a big tall pointy pole thing to point at places and let folk know everywhere is 200 miles away.  As always it is good to find the Middle Ground (the Balancing Point) as defined by the trained goats of the Ancient Britain’s. 

12 comments:

  1. "... I would then be able to erect a thing on a long pole with pointy bits..." Seeing as this is a child-friendly blog, I ain't saying nuffink!

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    1. I feel I may have missed something important in life. . . . Anyway out here in the country long pointy things are for prodding at cows and sheep . . . . . . . . DAMN I may have made things worse.

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  2. Do you ever wonder where the geographic middle point of Rob Z Tobor is? Center of Gravity? I would assume you should do the calculation laying down, toes up, facing upwards, hands at your side. I guess with body matter having different densities then the geographic middle point wouldn't coincide with the center of gravity but maybe close due to the generally symmetric distribution of skeletal matter.

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    1. We have some geographic mid points in South Dakota not far from where I lived.

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    2. Your blog also lends itself towards things middle-ish, it has centric in the title, ec-centric. You are the centric of the you-ni-verse.

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    3. It could be that Stonehenge was simply a rock store.

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    4. I may be weighed down with the thought of thinking moving my balance point higher and making me unstable and liable to fall over.

      A rock store with a door would need a Stonehinge

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  3. Dear Rob,

    If Scotland becomes independent it will surely incorporate the metric system, meaning everything will be around 321km away.. ish.

    Incidentally my world is a little over 200 miles away, but that could be because I got lost just outside Aberdeen. I find putting an "ish" in signs makes things much more accurate.

    Yours,

    Far Far Away

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    1. I am sure Scotland will keep feet and inches we are an old nation and not good with new fangled stuff like electricity and telephones despite the fact most of these new fangled devices are invented by Scotsmen.

      ish is a most accurate measurement in the world and is never wrong

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  4. I saw that BBC post and it doesn't include Northern Ireland in it's calculations....
    If it did, my poorly worked out calculations make it that the new centre of the UK would leap over my house and pop itself slap bang in the middle of one of your anti zombie trenches .

    Once again fame fortune and all the riches associated with it will bypass me and land on the lap of others....

    That should pay you back for the 11-in-1 bespoke handheld pointy stick (patent pending) design ownership query.....

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    1. I have already applied for all the import licences for pointy sticks in Scotland. No one will be able to import or export a pointy stick except me. . .I will make a fortune, they love pointy sticks up there and will need every one they can get there hands on to repel the massed armies of Daves. . .

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