Saturday, 26 September 2015

A short list of What I did not do today, and things that did not happen

Over the many years I have been writing my blog I have told you of the many things I have done, as well as write the odd fable, fairytale and poem. But tonight I plan to do something entirely new. You see tonight I will not be writing about what I did but will write about what I did not do today; amazingly there are a lot of things I did not do today far more that I realized, so this is just a small list merely scratching the surface so to speak

I did not actually scratch the surface (despite the old saying which implied I did)

I have not watched a small snail travel across a large stone

I did not sneak up on the international space station and shout BOO at the astronauts

I never waved a pointy stick at a group of little old ladies who were chasing swans

I never ate a large snake

I did not run about shouting QUACK

And I never stood on my head on the ridge tiles of a very tall building

I did not wear a very very bright pink leopard print cowboy hat (AH DAMN actually I did do that today sorry)

I did not draw any pictures

I never spoke to a strange Zombie like creature who juggled mice and laughed in a hysterical manner

I never climbed a large mountain in a wet suit and slippers

I did not mutter under my breath at a load of cyclists on the road (AH DAMN sorry I did that today)

I was not caught leaping over the moon in a superman outfit

I never bought a superman outfit

I did nothing what so ever that had any link to anyone remotely resembling superman

I did not pretend to be a chicken and try to rob a bank

I never fixed a broken pen (OK I tried but it was futile)

I never did anything futile (AH DAMN AGAIN)

I did not see a submarine or a seagull

I did not sing old sea shanties at passers by

I did not deliberately avoid the cracks in the pavement (well not today)

And I did not sell any snow to penguins who might have been hanging about

I did not hang about

I did not write anything that might be considered remotely sensible by either that very nice Steven Spielberg or Mrs J K Rowling who its starting to think I'm mad

Neither Steven Spielberg or J K Rowling phoned me up to say . . . Nice Blog Rob, sorry about the injunction but you know what its like. . . . 
I was not bitten by a vampire bat or a Zombie

I never ate the tortoise. . . .Honest

I did not get wet

Anyway this as I have previously said is a very short abbreviated list of what I have not done today and I may tell you again at some time about what I have not done or I may not.


  1. I notice that there are a few things absent from this list.
    Notable by their absence are:
    You did not kill a fly.
    you did not throw a TV out of a hotel window like a rock star.
    You did not flick an aliens ear and tell it to clear off!
    you did eat you height in ready salted chipsticks.
    you did not roar like a lion to scare the birds.

    Due to the fact that you did not say that you did not do these things I can only assume that you did, in fact, do these things.

    Have you gone quite mad sir?

    What sort of perosn throws a TV out of a hotel window (apart from rock stars)

    and why did you not offer to share those ready salted chip sticks? You know they are my favourite and I can't find them anywhere.

    For shame Rob! For shame! hahahahahaha.

    1. DAMN Mr H I was hoping I had mentioned enough things that I had not done, to avoid speculation about those thing I did do.

      I refuse to confirm anything but will make two small points
      1 . . . Televisions do not have the same impact as they did in the old days when they contained a large vacuum filled CRT that would explode in a huge bang. Modern flat panel televisions thrown from a window tend to glide much like a model glider and then hit the vicar who is stopping at the hotel to go to a conference (was going).

      2 . . . I do not want to see another salted chipstick . . . . . . .PHEW

      These points clearly mean I could not have done what you say. . .

  2. Things I didn't do today, I did not cry over spilt milk. I did not lead a horse to water and make it drink. I did not offer anyone a penny for their thoughts, as they had none...thoughts that is, not pennies. I didn't kill two birds with one stone, I used a bazooka. I did not let sleeping dogs lie, I made them stand in the naughty corner and I did not use idioms to make a comment...oh damn!

    1. Miss Lily I was worried you were planning to ask me about the very very bright pink leopard print cowboy hat. . . .PHEW you did not . . . . anyway I did not buy it I merely wore it for a short time.