Wednesday, 7 November 2012
The curse of Granny and Knitted Jumpers in a post apocalyptic world, and a chicken
After all that politics yesterday things have returned to normal today, Esmeralda was complaining that it is rather cold; which, when most of you is made of stainless steel is hardly surprising. And although she has an array of nano-electronics and miniature steam powered parts, it does not help that these are kept cool by fans (the rotating ones not the screaming ones). Her mum has made her a silly woolly hat with ears so she looks like a Dalek with a rabbit’s head something that you would think would make most of the class snigger at.
But due to the cold, Freddie is wearing a ferret hat, Freddie’s ferret is wearing a Freddie hat. Henry is wearing a knitted giraffe hat although it keeps hitting the teacher when Henry turns round, and the teacher is wearing a Panda hat. I arrived wearing a mutant zombie hat but because it is a knitted mutant zombie hat with a smiley face it is not quite as scary as it should be. In fact modern knitting is not as scary in general as it use to be, once upon a time if granny said she was knitting you a jumper for Christmas it would instil fear and anxiety as you worried about how many arms it would have or where the hole for your head might end up. And if you were really unlucky it would have a huge snarling stag or reindeer on the front with pink antlers surrounded by snow flakes.
I have been wearing the ghost writers old coat that was half eaten by a mouse so it is full of holes; granny said she plans to knit a selection of small shrews which she will sew into all the holes to keep the draft out. I have told granny that it will make me look like some sort of mouse toy that you buy from the pet shop, but granny says I need to wrap up warm and remain cosy and that drafts course all sorts of sickness like plague and flu. I did say to granny that she does not always wear twenty layers of clothes and a bobble hat but she told me that is because she has a bottle of gin each day to keep of the cold.
We are off for a meal tonight at Big Bill's Greasy Fur Ball Café where I hope to have the worlds greatest fish and chips, it is to celebrate the fact we have lived in our new house for one year, well it will be one year tomorrow at 4.00pm because we had to wait for ages for the little old lady to get her bits out. This was due to the fact her removal men were total rubbish.
The Ghost Writer has said I can take the printer I helped him fix to the recycling dump tomorrow because I ruined it totally, luckily however he has another one to look at now so I have promised him I will help. After all it is not easy to fix a printer with a thick indigo knitted polo jumper with a Viking on the front holding an Osprey and SupperMan in large sparkly green letters embossed across the middle. He has to wear it from time to time or his granny gets upset and hits him with an umbrella until he puts it on.