Olaf the Ogre often wandered into the village to
collect his groceries snarling and growling in a menacing way, sending the
locals fleeing in all directions screaming and panicking. But the thing is, it
was not all as it first appeared because Olaf the Ogre was actually rather a friendly
chap (ogre). OK he was an ogre, but you see he worked for the King and the King insisted that Olaf the Ogre
acted in a traditional Ogre way, the villagers all liked Olaf the Ogre but were
happy to do their bit to look scared and run about and panic when he arrived to
stock up on provisions. You see Olaf lived in the enchanted forest, which
unfortunately were not very enchanted anymore, which is why the King thought a
large scary ogre lurking about might help.
Well all was well and the villagers were happy as
they liked Olaf and the King was happy as everyone seems to runaway and looked
frightened and Olaf was happy as he was able to make a decent living and only
had to pretend to be a bit of a horrid, nasty and somewhat scary Ogre.
Then one day a rather aloof and unpopular Prince
arrived in the kingdom in order to win the hand of the King’s daughter. Well
traditionally this usually involves killing dragons or slaying terrible
monsters or some sort of similar feat of bravery. However there were no real
monsters or dragons in the kingdom so the Prince decided that he would fight
and kill Olaf the Ogre in the enchanted forest. The Prince informed the King of
his intention which was a bit of a shock for the King who said it was not
necessary, although he thought he better not tell the prince that he was paying
Olaf the Ogre to make the forest seem a bit scarier. After all except for a
grumpy hedgehog and a rather aggressive old badger that limped it was generally
rather a nice forest. But the Prince insisted he was off to kill the ogre,
assuming that the King was worried he would get hurt as he was after all a
brave handsome Prince and something of a catch for any Princess. Although the
Princess herself thought he was an idiot, so was rather hoping that he would
fail in his quest, but she also knew that Olaf the Ogre was a bit of a fake and
that he was actually rather a friendly and kind Ogre.
As the Prince rode off on his trusty stead into the
forest even the villagers tried to persuade the Prince to reconsider his quest,
but to him they were just foolish peasants and did not know of the ways of
Princes. The Prince found Olaf the Ogre
very quickly and said . . . . I have come to kill
you and win the hand of the Princess in marriage . . . .
Well Olaf looked at the Prince and said . . . Well I can not
fight you with armour that dirty, but I will clean it for you if you wish . . . The Prince thanked
the Ogre and took off his armour. . . expecting Olaf the Ogre to clean it, but
instead he ran off with it.
An hour later the Prince wearing a full set of very
shiny armour arrived at the Kings palace and demanded to marry the Princess
straight away. However the next morning at the breakfast table the King was
somewhat shocked to find out that his daughter the Princess was now married to
Olaf the Ogre and they were very happy, in fact everyone lived happily ever
after. . . . well almost everyone?
The Prince it seems was never seen again and folk
think maybe the not very enchanted forest is enchanted after all and that is
probably very true.
And that is why after much thought I have decided
that I will probably vote to leave the EU unless I change my mind.
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