Footprints were found the wrong side of the
impenetrable defence trench this morning by the dog and after some sniffing a
bit of forensic investigation and internet research, the dog concluded that
they were the footprints of crunchy zombies but with a soft mint filling. The
dog said he hates the taste of those ones so I will would have to work on the
defences AGAIN, it all seemed like a jolly good idea at one point but this is
turning into hard work now. . . . . .PHEW.
So I have been digging a new trench today
that will link up with the one that is now full of water and slimy stuff and
piranha fish. It is a logistical nightmare because if I break into the trench
full of nasty slimy water full of piranha fish too early while I am still in it
I am at risk of ending up slimy smelly and full of bites. The dog is being awkward too and says he
prefers Cod and that piranha are not great eating unless they are deboned and
turned into piranha fish curry, I know
he’s a dog he eats bones but he says all those little bones are just tooooooo
fiddly to mess about with (that dog is getting fussy).
So that was my day
building a zombie defence trench, not exciting at all in fact rather a fairly
average day in the life of an average chap living near a wood with free range
zombies living in it. Well that is never going to impress that Steven Spielberg
is it.
Oooo I did see some sort
of weird micro-light thing in the sky toward the end of the day, although Mr
Jones did say that I was an IDIOT and it was an alien scout craft looking for a
suitable landing spot for the mothership. Personally I think it is far too cold
to be running about in the woods in the nude chasing aliens, but it keeps Mr
Jones happy. Although he has just said he nearly fell down my impenetrable
defence trench last night in the dark and had to leap over it to avoid a fish
leaping at his naught bits . . . . . . .
. . Mmmmmmm I think the dog’s zombie research might have gone wrong a bit.
.
Why has Mr Jones never been reported to the local authorities?
ReplyDeleteI have pictures of me digging a similar kind of trench when I was much younger, so that would've been only a couple of years ago. *ahem*
I wasn't building a impenetrable defence trench though but a new park in Kent, where all the equipment was made out of tires.
And does a crunchy zombie with a soft mint filling, taste like one of those Fry's chocolate cream?
Well if Zombies taste of Fry's chocolate cream the I will eat the zombies myself. It would make an interesting zombie film us humans chasing zombies about trying to eat them as they hide in the woods.
DeletePiranha look and act mean, but they know how to properly end a joke bCause they have ha at the end. Hhahahahahahaha. I thought, "Piranha? In the UK? Outdoors?" But then I figured you would have electricaLLy heated water for hem.
ReplyDeleteAH as opposed to HA HAHAH HAHH HAHH HA Piranha like warm water yes, luckily the water in the trench is the water from the house and is part of an increasingly complicated soak-away system. But it does explain why the are demanding we use the hot tap more.
DeleteMany moons ago I lived somewhere that had a small-ish factory that used the local river for cooling something industrial and there were rumours of tropical fish living very close to the outlets because the water was warmer. Not sure if that was true or not but it was a common story in the town at the time.
You could have forced the story to be true by putting tropical fish in the water. If you had the fish neutered before releasing them into the wild then it would have probably decreased the chances of introducing foreign biological agents into the ecosphere local. Our local chemical plants have been dumping sulfur and or petrochemicals chemicals into the environment for almost a hundred years, graduaLLy getting it under control.
DeleteThat is supposed to be sulfur chemicals, most of which are icky. Sulfur by itself as an element is a naturaLLy occuring substance.
DeleteI have found Sulphur in the past when I used to hunt fossils. Hunting fossils is easy because they don't move. Although they are good at hiding.
DeleteI used to have some tropical fish too but due to a terrible equipment failure the poor critters died. So I thought it best not to do the same thing to more of them.
I tropical fsh when I was younger and much younger (two separate events a decade at least apart).
DeleteWow! I must be tired! That was s'pposed to be:
DeleteI had tropical fish when I was younger and much younger ...
I guess my walk in the park wore me out.
Don't worry I type like that normally and spend the next hour putting it all right, I'm not kidding either
Delete