Ian the Musical Hat Maker, famous rock star and all round nice chap and Steven Spielberg has fallen asleep on the train

I found out late last might from Auntie Karen that Ian the Musical Hat Maker, famous rock star and all round nice chap has been made Bionic like Pirate Pete. Pirate Pete said they could have a race but mum has explained that although Mr Ian the Musical Hat Maker has a bionic knee he does not have bionic steam powered legs enabling him to run at fifty miles an hour and leap twenty feet in the air.

Although he might find that fun and rather useful on stage the audience always like a rock star who can leap twenty feet in the air. Pirate Pete said maybe he could be a rock star; but mum pointed out he cant sing and is rubbish at playing the guitar …..  again. But after a few moments she said these days I guess that is not quite the obstacle it used to be. Pirate Pete has gone off to write a song now called HAR HAR HAR HARDY HAR HAH. Pirate Pete thinks he might enter the Eurovision song contest next year on the grounds that most of the songs in that are rubbish too.

It has been rather chilly the last few days not sure why, according to the weatherman it is average but because we had all the sun and warm very early normal feels rather cold. I might have to go and visit Napoleon Beelzebub’s Very Strange Victorian Curiosity Shop it is always nice in warm in there. As he says there is nothing quite like a real fire, he likes them so much, sometimes we find him standing in one of the large fireplaces on all the hot ashes and flames toasting marsh mallows and people with a lot of loyalty points. Although he does try to toast them in private as he says it scares the customers away a bit. Its funny about customers because since that last extra bank holiday when that royal got married and we all went ooooooo look a royal and ooooooo look another royal and ooooooo look a; and so on all the people in the town have vanished, well all the visitors have anyway. The dog is a bit upset he likes to lie outside the butcher with a sign saying starving dog my owner is nasty please give generously it works very well and the dog gets all sorts of things and the RSPCA does not come and tell dad off anymore, not after the dog ate the RSPCA mans frozen turkey and cake a few Christmas’s ago.

It was Quantum Mechanics at school again today and I’ve told the teacher that dad taught me how to strip down and repair a supercharged V8 Class 2 dragster running a nitro mix when I was six, but the silly teacher said IDIOT.

Someone has suggested we have another epic adventure because my diary is getting like a diary and that very nice Steven Spielberg has fallen asleep on the train reading it and if he misses his stop he will blame me and throw the manuscript in the waste paper basket. Which will be removed by crows as nesting material and quite frankly this is a lot of work to end as a crows nest. O dear that has started Pirate Pete and Captain Flint the Parrot off now with HAR HAR HAR HARDY HAR HAH; Pirate Pete’s new song and its full of HAR HAR HAR’s.