Monday, 1 June 2015

Almost Gibberish or Life is a Strange and Twisted Road

Mrs Javelin had always preferred blue and had no time for anyone that disagreed. As she pushed her way to the front of the queue past the Russian cosmonaut, his space suit glinting in the sunlight and a young mother with a pushchair piled high with babies and vast quantities of the required paraphernalia babies require. Mrs Javelin turning back quickly to comment . . . I'M old you know I cant wait all day.

Can I help you madam came the  voice from behind the counter

Mrs Javelin looked deep into the eyes of the Butcher pondering

Are you alright MADAM he said

Yes its your eyes they reminded me I need to get some rat poison for the cellar on the way home she relied

High above in the deep blue sky a young Dutch parachutist was gently falling toward the ground aiming for the white X marked clearly on the ground below him. He would not be going to the butchers shop, he had long felt that as a parachutist he was now at one with nature and the birds and the thought of eating chicken seemed wrong when he spent so much time frequenting their world up in the clouds.

Now in the Post Office Mrs Javelin was demanding three pounds of sausages and a tennis racket and despite several people trying to help and explain that it was the Post Office she was not having any of it and swung her handbag at a large chap wearing hand made alligator shoes. He fell to the floor with a large thud, you see Mrs Javelin was a bell ringer and had rather good upper arm strength and besides she always kept a large house brick in her handbag just in case.  But with the mention of the police she vanished sharpish.

Mrs Javelin had been involved with the police before and had no plans to become ‘The Most Undesirable Member of the Community 2015’ making it four years in a row with her picture on the front page of the Upper Gaswold Gazette.

Taking a shortcut across the park her continuing  shopping trip was suddenly interrupted by a large flock of chickens feeding around a large white cross on the grass.

Bloody Chickens she said

Duck said on old gentleman sat on a park bench

Don’t be stupid you bloody old idiot she said they are bloody Chickens.

At that very moment a young Dutch parachutist landed on her with a great crash sending rat poison everywhere.

Mrs Javelin went mad after that and the chickens all died from eating rat poison and the young Dutchman never really got over the shock of the death of all those chickens. The old man on the park bench died from a heart attack, a result of laughing so much as he watched the whole affair unfold. It also transpired that the old man on the bench was the last man in Britain who made handmade Alligator shoes.

Life is a strange and twisted road.

Written in the style of Mr H . . . . only not quite as good. 


  1. Now there's a face I haven't seen in a long time.
    Ooh, I enjoyed that Mr Z. I'm sure that Mr H, wherever he is, would be proud.

    1. The Chicken is sitting watching me while I sit at my PC. He says little but I know he/she is plotting something that may involve crossing the road.

      Mr H is still about from time to time on Google+ but I think he is busy with his business at present making his fortune

  2. I can just see table after table of alligators working in a sweatshop making shoes by hand. I wonder if the alligators have hands or feet at their front limbs? 'Feet made alligator shoes' sounds interesting. Perhaps the reason they have alligators making shoes is because they may be talented enough to be working on TWO shoes at the same time - one for each pair of limbs. I envision a great cartoon from that idea.

    1. I suspect that alligators would make Snap On Shoes . . . . . . HAH AH HAH AHahha ha haha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

      I will leave the cartoon for others. . .I'm sure Tom Waits mentioned Alligator Shoes once in a song .

    2. I am sorry, maybe I am too tired, but I didn't get your punchline for Snap on shoes. Please eXplain so that I can haha too.

    3. AH DAMN I was thinking snap as in snapping at their food with their beaks. . . Hang on Alligators dont have beaks. . . . I think I need to go back to the pet shop Mr ESB this Alligator is faulty and shouting . . Polly wants a peanut. . .

      Anyway I'm not entirely sure that alligators snap at folk, I suspect you may have seen more alligators than me and I may be wrong in which case that was a bad joke. It may not have been the best joke even if they do snap at folk.

      AH I think I better go its almost tomorrow here so rather late.

      Be good Mr ESB

    4. When I was in Albaquerque maybe two or three years ago I saw either alligators or crocodiles, I don't remember which. I wasn't veRy close to them. But I was veRy close to a polar bear, which was fascinating. There was a glass waLL coated so that he couldn't see out.

    5. Polar Bears are scary beasts particularly if you are a seal. . .

  3. Aha Mr. Rob,

    I am now officially convinced that your gibberish is right up there with bestest of surreal gibberishness. Whoever that Mr. H, is, step aside, Mr. H. the king of gibberish is right before our multitude of fly-type eyes....

    Gary :)

    1. Mr H is a great man who knows many things about caravans and mobile homes and can keep thousands entertained all evening on a cold wet summers evening.

      I thank you for your very kind words but I will never be Mr H. I think Mr H is quite pleased really as he is happy being Mr H.

      I hope yourself and penny the superstar blogging dog are well and happy . . .