The tale of Badger Hopson. . .The King of the Skies

A short story for Mr Squid McFinnigan

Badger Hopson had always wanted to be a pilot ever since he was knee high to a grasshopper and spent many a happy hour forging his pilots licence and flying history so that he could get a job. He dreamed of flying shiny posh passenger planes across the Atlantic into Europe so that he could chase women, gamble and drink and stub his cigarettes out on the heads of European cats. . . He hated cats.  

Badger even supplied his own outfit and to tell the truth that was his downfall. You see he bought it in an old Army surplus store and although there was no denying it was warm and cosy it was not exactly the image Pan-Am or any of the other airlines were looking for. Poor old Badger hit the bottle hard for a time and threw all the empties at unsuspecting passing cats, who would scurry off and then leave dead mice in his boots for revenge.

Then one day when the winter winds were at there worst, not that it worried Badger Hopson, he was no fool he had bought the flying suit with the heated boots and double knit thermal underwear. (Hang on I got distracted there . . . back to the point). . . Yes one day in the wild winters wind an old mate said he had heard of a flying job going with the US MAIL and it looked just the job.  Well this was exciting news for Badger and he quickly applied and was interviewed and surprisingly got he job. In fact for the first time ever they said they were very impressed with his flying outfit and that it was exactly what they were looking for.

So it was that Badger Hopson became King of Skies and got to fly his faithful but knackered Douglas DAKOTA C-47 / DC-3 transport aircraft delivering mail to Anchorage Alaska three times a week.  He did get to chase women, gamble and drink but there were no cats just Polar Bears and that of course was his final downfall, because you should never stub your cigarette out on the head of a Polar Bear.  Amazingly he survived the attack saved by the padding of his flying suit, and the electric shock the bear got from chewing his battery powered heated boots. But with one arm, one leg and one ear he was classed as unfit for flying and pensioned off.

He was however a content man, not many folk can say they have flown to Alaska in an old Dakota drunk, gambled, chased women and put their cigarettes out on the heads of Polar Bears. So he settled down, got married and told of his many adventures as the King of the Skies. Making a few extras up to impress the kids, his old flying suit now chopped up and turned into a stuffed Python for reasons that are far to complex to explain here.